queensasha Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 hi, I've been married to my H and have a daughter. we pretty much are roomates though & see other people. we are sticking it out to raise our daughter till she's 18. i have met a man who is really hot and at first he was interested but now just wants to be friends since i'm in a marriage. that was fine by me. i recently called him and asked to spend one intimate night with him, no strings attached. he was hesitant, said he doesn't want a relationship, so on, so on...i told him not looking for a commitment just one evening together. his response: he said he's at a friends house now...said he's fine, he doesn't need it:eek: huh??? then he calls back and asks why do i want him, what do i think of him? i tell him he's hot, turns me on...ect ect. ask him what he thinks of me? he tells me i'm beautiful, special, ect ect. he says i can't expect him to leave his friends at a short notice he said again he's fine-its not neccessary. he will call me over the weekend. oh yeah and he also said if we do it then I won't be able to leave him alone afterwards cuz he's really good @ sex:eek: then why won't he just prove it? :eek: I practically layed the offer on the table and he rejects it? i asked him "are you gay?" mind you, the last time we were together, he was trying really hard to get some but I never do it on the first date. and now that i offer it to him, he rejects it? needless to say he didn't call me back the rest of the evening and i went home with my tail between my legs:( i sent him a hot email saying he's not a real man like a thought and he's not ready to handle a woman of my needs... but the truth is this guy is really hot and I'm so 100% attracted to him and have to have him!!!! since when would a man refuse a chance to be intimate with a woman? is this a game of hard to get? should I try again in about 2 weeks? is it possible he's afraid or something? not sure what to make of his reactions... Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 Sounds like he had some second thoughts about getting involved with you. Sure, he came on to you first - but he was in control of the situation, and likely saw it as a challenge. The next thing he knows, you are after him like a cat in heat - it sounds like you are coming on too strong and he is backing away as a result. He is probably afraid that he if does have sex with you, you won't leave him alone afterward. Best to back off and leave him alone. Stop pestering him. You look desperate and needy, and those are HUGE red flags to a guy when he is making it clear that he doesn't want a relationship with you. i asked him "are you gay?" i sent him a hot email saying he's not a real man Just a thought here. Questioning his manhood like that isn't going to get you anywhere. The fact that you would say this after being all hot to get in his pants makes you appear unstable and vindictive. Not attractive traits in a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author queensasha Posted January 27, 2007 Author Share Posted January 27, 2007 yeah u r probably right...the stupid head games men like to play. why cant they just cut to the chase and get down to business without all the mind games!!!! i already told him i don't want a relationship, so that can't be the issue....so i guess u're saying as long as they can initiate it its ok but if we do, then it suddenly doesn't seem appealing anymore...hmmm, like i said, stupid head games...don't have time for that, i'm moving on!!! Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 oh yeah and he also said if we do it then I won't be able to leave him alone afterwards cuz he's really good @ sex! then why won't he just prove it? Remember, all the glitters is not gold. So chances are if he feels the need to brag about himself, then he is probably not all he is cracked up to be. He wont prove it because he knows you are already eager to be with him, so he makes you play the waiting game. He likes to play head games. I wouldn't waste you time. You have made yourself vulnerable and avaliable to him so he probably doesn't view you as much of a chase. Link to post Share on other sites
Unbeleivable Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 yeah u r probably right...the stupid head games men like to play. why cant they just cut to the chase and get down to business without all the mind games!!!! i already told him i don't want a relationship, so that can't be the issue....so i guess u're saying as long as they can initiate it its ok but if we do, then it suddenly doesn't seem appealing anymore...hmmm, like i said, stupid head games...don't have time for that, i'm moving on!!! Yeah he could be put back by the forwardness of it. I'm sure if you didnt mention it again, and went out one night for some dinner and drinks, he'll be jonesin for you like your first date. Men's mind games are much, much simpler than women's mind games, let me tell you that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author queensasha Posted January 27, 2007 Author Share Posted January 27, 2007 ok so i guess i was a little to forward and came off desperate and eager. and now that i sent that email...oh my, and I still wanna have a shot at one night with him...the chemistry we felt on our first date was intense and wanna take it to the next level! so now what do i do? whats my next move??? can i get him to come around or is it too late? Link to post Share on other sites
Unbeleivable Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 Some guys get very wary about females who are forward about sex with them. Not me personally, but some are weird about it. I would just act normal with him, let him *think* he's seducing you with his suave don juan ways, when really he's just following the path you set for him Maybe apologize for the email and say you just want to take it slow, and then, if it seems like the communication is going well, you guys can get a second date sometime. Then take it from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 Maybe he really likes you and is worried if you have sex his feelings will only deepen. And then he can't really be with you as a couple because of your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Sup Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 ok so i guess i was a little to forward and came off desperate and eager. and now that i sent that email...oh my, and I still wanna have a shot at one night with him...the chemistry we felt on our first date was intense and wanna take it to the next level! so now what do i do? whats my next move??? can i get him to come around or is it too late? Um, I'm gonna try to be the voice of reason here...... So, is there ANYWAY at all that you and your husband could work out your marriage? Marriage counseling, or something? Sure it's easy to ride another man all night long, but why did you marry your hubby in the first place? I suggest that you try to work on your marriage if at all possible. You said that you're staying for the sake of your daughter? That's no reason to stay married to your husband. If you do ride this OM, I hope you don't do it at your home, what if your husband hears you moaning, or orgasming in the bedroom? Or WORSE, what if your Daughter hears that, how would that mess her up? Just something to think about...... Link to post Share on other sites
precious99 Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 I kind of met by BF in the same way - we met at school and we started spending every minute together. I got tired of waiting for him to make the fist move so I just asked him straight out one night if he would f#@& me? He said NO!!!! I was mortified - I mean I always thought of myself as pretty and relatively attractive so I didn't get it at all!! We even talked about it after that and he just wouldn't entertain the thought. BTW it turnd out that we have been together for over a year now - his inital reservation was that he knew that he was interested in me for more than just a casual thing. He didn't think he could do the "no strings attatched" sex that I was proposing. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Maybe he doesn't want to get involved with a married woman, open marriage or not. To most people, married spells T-R-O-U-B-L-E. There are plenty of single women out there; he doesn't feel the need to get into a complicated relationship, no matter how you much you try to convince him all you want is sex. Look at how hot and bothered you got when he turned you down - an email questioning his manhood - to him, that just proves you're trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
Madeamistake Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Maybe he doesn't want to get involved with a married woman, open marriage or not. To most people, married spells T-R-O-U-B-L-E. There are plenty of single women out there; he doesn't feel the need to get into a complicated relationship, no matter how you much you try to convince him all you want is sex. Look at how hot and bothered you got when he turned you down - an email questioning his manhood - to him, that just proves you're trouble. That is the first, correct answer I have heard on this matter. Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Nothing personal, but my guess is he may be wondering how many other guys you "layed the offer on the table" for... Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 but the truth is this guy is really hot and I'm so 100% attracted to him and have to have him!!!! since when would a man refuse a chance to be intimate with a woman? is this a game of hard to get? should I try again in about 2 weeks? is it possible he's afraid or something? not sure what to make of his reactions... I am sorry but are you like 13 or something? Why don't you try to work on your emotional and intellectual maturity a bit instead or trying to get nailed by some dude that is not interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author queensasha Posted January 29, 2007 Author Share Posted January 29, 2007 thanks for all the responses. there's kinda a short history between me and this guy. at first he was interested, but started sending me mixed signal left and right! it had been 3 weeks since I last called before this happened i guess i sent him that email too out of frustration over all his mixed signals- also for the fact i had just had a little too much to drink when trying to hook up w/him with the "offer":eek: well, i text/emailed yesterday & apologized for the state of mind i was in and unthoughtful words and told him its best we be just friends. hoping that this will help smooth things over. it would be nice if we can get off again on a better foot but of course not anytime soon. i will just leave him alone for the time being and just wait for him to make the first move from here on out...would this be my best option right now? Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Your best option is to concetrate on yourself and your child and to get your life together... Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 re: Queensasha: " Why Doesn't He Want Some?" I just read your original post in your thread and -well- I'm going with a strong hunch that there's more to all this than meets the eye, initially. But let's look at what we've been given: #1- First, you choose the screen-name of "queensasha" under which to write your post -maybe it really doesn't mean anything- but I'm thinking it may have *something* to do with a need for control, and for others to recognize your strength and authority. This might give us our most telling glimpse into your personality, too -but who really knows? Let's see if it continues to bear out. #2- Your present husband wants out of the relationship with you but chooses to continue sharing the same household -but only for the sake of your child together. Like the guy you're so hot for, your husband doesn't want to sleep with you, either -he sees other people. #3- The man you fancy would rather spend an afternoon with friends than have hot, no-strings-attached sex with you at your invitation. #4- When he turns you down you angrily label him as being gay. #5- He had *one* date with you -and for him, it was enough (obviously) to merit effort in avoiding any more, future. But you continue to doggedly pursue, flagrantly and desperately throw yourself at this poor man in an attempt to have it all culminate into nothing more than *one* night of sex to satisfy your curious fantasy. Though his carnal side may still get the best of him, I reasonably guess (given your own post) why ,at least, these two men you write about have chosen not to pursue, repair, or generate any hope for a relationship with you. It just sounds far too difficult -and men cannot feel, think, nor operate like men under such female aggression, tantrums, coniving, and bullying. Step down from your high place, QS -and learn what it's like to live, love, and be like everyday folk. And as for your original question, " Why doesn't he want some?" If I were a guy -concerning you, given the personality, and the behavior- I wouldn't want any, either. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Author queensasha Posted January 29, 2007 Author Share Posted January 29, 2007 queensasha is my dog's name! i still believe he'll come around if i just let him be for a good while...we shall see! Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 hi, I've been married to my H and have a daughter. we pretty much are roomates though & see other people. we are sticking it out to raise our daughter till she's 18. i have met a man who is really hot and at first he was interested but now just wants to be friends since i'm in a marriage. that was fine by me. i recently called him and asked to spend one intimate night with him, no strings attached. he was hesitant, said he doesn't want a relationship, so on, so on...i told him not looking for a commitment just one evening together. his response: he said he's at a friends house now...said he's fine, he doesn't need it:eek: huh??? then he calls back and asks why do i want him, what do i think of him? i tell him he's hot, turns me on...ect ect. ask him what he thinks of me? he tells me i'm beautiful, special, ect ect. he says i can't expect him to leave his friends at a short notice he said again he's fine-its not neccessary. he will call me over the weekend. oh yeah and he also said if we do it then I won't be able to leave him alone afterwards cuz he's really good @ sex:eek: then why won't he just prove it? :eek: I practically layed the offer on the table and he rejects it? i asked him "are you gay?". No..he probably just isn't an immoral heathen like you. why cant they just cut to the chase and get down to business without all the mind games!!!! Because he sees you for what you are and it is rather disgusting. Sounds to me as if he is wanting a decent woman....something you are not. Link to post Share on other sites
Sup Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Like I asked earlier, what are you gonna do when your daughter walks in and sees, or hears you having sex in the other room with someone else, how could you explain that to her? That's assuming you do that at your home...... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 ... since when would a man refuse a chance to be intimate with a woman? ...When he has a sense of honor and self worth? One of my fraternity brother's girlfriend made me an "offer" like yours and I asked her want about her BF? She said not to worry about it, but I decided I dind't want to be the one to break them up or get in the middle of their relationship. They guy you are attracted to may not want to "just get laid". He may have wanted a relationship with you until he found out you are willing to cheat on your husband and or be an easy lay. He didn't think he could do the "no strings attatched" sex that I was proposing. See, some guys aren't just hound dogs. We'd actually like to respect the woman we are with. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 In today's world one has to be very careful about disease and STD's. He may think if you're that easy you'd sleep with anyone. Also it's so unattractive for a married woman, living with her husband and child to blatantly chase a man who doesn't want her. If he's as hot as you say, he probably has single women he's dating. If I were you I would be so embarrassed with myself. Asking him if he is gay because he doesn't want you was very rude and let him know just how desperate you are. You say you are going to take it slow with him but you aren't and you know it. You are very insecure and need to prove that you can sleep with a man who doesn't want you. The sad thing is if you do succeed in "fu-king" him you aren't going to feel any better about yourself and it's very doubtful he will want a relationship with you. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Several options here, and in no particular order; Work on your marriage with your husband for all the right reasons. Never stay for the sake of the child, they will know, and chances are resent you for it later in life. You are not doing a child any favors by staying together. Divorce your husband, and see if it gets you any closer to being with this other guy. Maybe your marriage stands in his way, it obviously doesn't for you. Divorce your husband, and drop this other guy all together. Get your life together, better for you and your child and put a man right now on the back burner. JMO. Link to post Share on other sites
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