pricillia Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 Now MM will not even talk to me at all, says that he has so much on his mind and will not tell me what... I am always there for him and never put any of my issues onto him, ever. Thursday was the last time I saw him and he was not himself, would not even crack a smile. At this point I guess there is nothing I can do, I called a few times but to no avail he has not called me back, I know he is trying to tell me to leave him alone by his silence, and I will. I am just sad because I feel that I honestly have nothing, and this is why. To make matters worse, I moved in with my step mom to save money and get back on my feet, she has asked me for a certian ammount every month and I do give it to her but not until the last weekend of every month as I get paid every two weeks. I am also trying to put money aside to be able to get out of there but she continuosly hounds me for the money lately that is the only conversation that I have with her, today she told me that she is not going to support me... I am not asking her to I am just asking her to be a little more understanding. She kept on saying that she is not going to support me so I said fine I will leave and she said fine, the only problem is I have no where to go and not enough money saved to find something safe. I always stay out of her way, I don't even have my own closet to put my clothes in because she has all of her clothes in the closet, This whole situation is driving me crazy to the point that I said I would leave. I honestly am trying to save enough to buy a house on my own and become debt free, I do not want help from anyone else!!! The things she says to me are hurtfull, even though she thinks that she is helping me, she is not...telling me that no one taught me how to manage money ect ect and that I am so old and am healthy ect ect, why do I have to go into my financial situation with her, she knows I am working hard to get out of the hole I am in. I take a shower and sleep there, I do not touch her things as she is somewhat of a control freak, one night she turned on a light and went upstairs and I did not turn it off because I went to sleep after her, not intentionally mind you, but she woke me up at 2:00 in the morning to make me turn off the light. I am embarrased to tell this story but this is what is going on in my life right now and I am so unsure what will happen to me and where I will end up. I would rather be alone than to be part of a mans life right now so I can be secure and confident( do not want anyone to take care of me) He does not know what is going on and I can not tell him because it is too hard, I feel like a looser with no family support. I somethimes think that I only have myself to rely on. I don't drink, don't smoke and get up and go to work everyday and give it my best effort, I try to find pleasuere and appreciate the little things and not take things for grantid so I am trying to understand what is going on, I honestly need a new life, because the old one is not working. Link to post Share on other sites
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Pris, I'm afraid I have no real insight into your problem but I just wanted to say BIG HUGS and these tough times are there to show us what we are really made of so that we can realise how amazing we are as people. Dont give up. Look for lights at the end of dark tunnels, if you search they will be there x Link to post Share on other sites
ratingsguy Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 I hear ya sister, and I think I'm right there with you. I know I'm not really in a bad situation per say, but I do get depressed... a lot lately concerning the situation with my xMW, but also about life in general. I'm 31, single, live in a small apartment, have little money saved, make a modest salary, have no prospects for a GF despite being an attractive and great guy (besides my xMW who I am "waiting" for), and no kids. To make matters worse, it seems like most of my friends are married, having kids, living in a nice home and own nice things. I sometimes stop and wonder where did I make the wrong turn? And the fact that my xMW is a multi-millionaire doesn't help things either. I don't typically feel sorry for myself... I'll usually go and do something about it. For instance, with regards to money, I'm on Dave Ramsey's plan, which I highly recommend by the way for getting out of debt and saving money (http://www.daveramsey.com). But lately I'm finding myself falling into a depression of sorts. I don't think it's serious... but I'm just very sad and lonely lately. A big part of it is that I miss my xMW who is enjoying her single life for now, with limited time for me. Whereas, I wish I could see her all the time. It brings me to tears on an almost daily basis. I think another part sees the possibile finality of our R. It's tough for me to handle the ups and downs. It's not like breaking up with someone where you only experience downs. When I see my xMW I'm on top of the world! But here it is Saturday night and she's probably out while I have no plans... finding myself pretty down. Bottom line is that you and I are both in a rut of sorts. Our salvation is realizing that we can indeed change our situations. It will take work, and some personal exploration to find out what exactly it is we want. But once you've gotten that far, and if you have the motivation, the world is yours. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 I am just sad because I feel that I honestly have nothing, and this is why.] P: I first of all want to say I am sorry for what you are going through...secondly where is your father? You say that you are living with your Stepmom, so maybe it's time to go over her head and talk to your dad...she has no right to abuse you... You have yourself, girl...you are strong, beautiful, sweet and caring woman...and NO ONE can take that from you unless you let them... Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Now MM will not even talk to me at all, says that he has so much on his mind and will not tell me what... I am always there for him and never put any of my issues onto him, ever. Thursday was the last time I saw him and he was not himself, would not even crack a smile. At this point I guess there is nothing I can do, I called a few times but to no avail he has not called me back, I know he is trying to tell me to leave him alone by his silence, and I will. I am just sad because I feel that I honestly have nothing, and this is why. To make matters worse, I moved in with my step mom to save money and get back on my feet, she has asked me for a certian ammount every month and I do give it to her but not until the last weekend of every month as I get paid every two weeks. I am also trying to put money aside to be able to get out of there but she continuosly hounds me for the money lately that is the only conversation that I have with her, today she told me that she is not going to support me... I am not asking her to I am just asking her to be a little more understanding. She kept on saying that she is not going to support me so I said fine I will leave and she said fine, the only problem is I have no where to go and not enough money saved to find something safe. I always stay out of her way, I don't even have my own closet to put my clothes in because she has all of her clothes in the closet, This whole situation is driving me crazy to the point that I said I would leave. I honestly am trying to save enough to buy a house on my own and become debt free, I do not want help from anyone else!!! The things she says to me are hurtfull, even though she thinks that she is helping me, she is not...telling me that no one taught me how to manage money ect ect and that I am so old and am healthy ect ect, why do I have to go into my financial situation with her, she knows I am working hard to get out of the hole I am in. I take a shower and sleep there, I do not touch her things as she is somewhat of a control freak, one night she turned on a light and went upstairs and I did not turn it off because I went to sleep after her, not intentionally mind you, but she woke me up at 2:00 in the morning to make me turn off the light. I am embarrased to tell this story but this is what is going on in my life right now and I am so unsure what will happen to me and where I will end up. I would rather be alone than to be part of a mans life right now so I can be secure and confident( do not want anyone to take care of me) He does not know what is going on and I can not tell him because it is too hard, I feel like a looser with no family support. I somethimes think that I only have myself to rely on. I don't drink, don't smoke and get up and go to work everyday and give it my best effort, I try to find pleasuere and appreciate the little things and not take things for grantid so I am trying to understand what is going on, I honestly need a new life, because the old one is not working. Hi pricillia. I am sorry for all you have on your plate right now, it sound's overwhelming. Never be embarrased by what you share, it's important to reflect upon your entire life while trying to make a change for the better. I have learned this from my therapy session's. When I first walked in to my therapist's office in NOV it was all about XMM. Now the tune has changed. I am talking about so many issues that bother me and it feel's good to be able to express them. Keep your chin up, kiddo, you will be just fine. AP Link to post Share on other sites
Author pricillia Posted January 28, 2007 Author Share Posted January 28, 2007 I am just sad because I feel that I honestly have nothing, and this is why.] P: I first of all want to say I am sorry for what you are going through...secondly where is your father? You say that you are living with your Stepmom, so maybe it's time to go over her head and talk to your dad...she has no right to abuse you... You have yourself, girl...you are strong, beautiful, sweet and caring woman...and NO ONE can take that from you unless you let them... My dad passed away 10 years ago, I do wish he was still here. What is bothering me as well is that he has not returned my calls, I wonder if they decided to work things out and that is why he is ignoring me. That is the only explanation that I can come up with, oh boo and double boo, I feel like stomping my feet... And the funny thing is he is just a 2 min walk away from me right now I could go see him if I wanted to but at this point he should make the first move, if he really wanted to he would call me, so I am taking this as goodbye. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pricillia Posted January 28, 2007 Author Share Posted January 28, 2007 Hi pricillia. I am sorry for all you have on your plate right now, it sound's overwhelming. Never be embarrased by what you share, it's important to reflect upon your entire life while trying to make a change for the better. I have learned this from my therapy session's. When I first walked in to my therapist's office in NOV it was all about XMM. Now the tune has changed. I am talking about so many issues that bother me and it feel's good to be able to express them. Keep your chin up, kiddo, you will be just fine. AP Yes thanks I know I should share more... so AP is there anyone else in your life? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 I'm sorry to hear about your dad...how about your mother or a friend that you could stay with? Link to post Share on other sites
Author pricillia Posted January 28, 2007 Author Share Posted January 28, 2007 I'm sorry to hear about your dad...how about your mother or a friend that you could stay with? Mom passed away in March... I guess I just have to play the game and treat this relationship as a business, not sure what else I can do. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Mom passed away in March... I guess I just have to play the game and treat this relationship as a business, not sure what else I can do. Oh P! You have my deepest sympathies...but you're strong, you can do this! Perhaps sit down with stepmom and tell her how you feel and how her treatment of you makes you feel...or maybe take the money that you were saving and move out early...having a house is nice, but you need your sanity more! As for your R, you need to look at your R and see if you are getting enough out of it...if you are not, then leave, he might realize what he lost and do better...and if he doesn't, then you know where you stand...you deserve so much better than this P! He is not doing even the bare minimum and you deserve so much more! Link to post Share on other sites
Author pricillia Posted January 28, 2007 Author Share Posted January 28, 2007 Oh P! You have my deepest sympathies...but you're strong, you can do this! Perhaps sit down with stepmom and tell her how you feel and how her treatment of you makes you feel...or maybe take the money that you were saving and move out early...having a house is nice, but you need your sanity more! As for your R, you need to look at your R and see if you are getting enough out of it...if you are not, then leave, he might realize what he lost and do better...and if he doesn't, then you know where you stand...you deserve so much better than this P! He is not doing even the bare minimum and you deserve so much more! I want to go se him so so bad right now, I started to and was in the doorway but got cold feet!!! I have his hat that he left in my car when we first started seeing eachother I wonder if I should give it back... If he has not returned my calls I guess he is done... Link to post Share on other sites
HappyHappy Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 My heart goes out to you Pricillia....you really need a good friend right now. I wish you could get away from the step moms abuse. It doesnt sound like she is being very kind to you. Do you have any friends that you could room with while you save money for your own place? It would be better for your mental health. Perhaps you could have a heart to heart with stepmom and tell her that you are just very down right now and heart broken over some relationship issues. Perhaps this will allow her to show more compassion toward you right now. Im sure she doesnt know specifics of your relationship...in fact maybe you dont share much at all with her......sometimes when we are "trying to be strong" and we hold everything in and dont share it with those around us, those around us just view us as having no problems and doing fine when in fact we are dying inside. As for the MM....I have to agree with most everyone else here. I know you love him, but he really doesnt sound very kind and certainally does not deserve the feelings you have for him. I hope he comes around if that is what will make you happy, but.......... Keep your chin up, do some things to take your mind off of all of this...I hope things get better for you very soon. Link to post Share on other sites
kymberann Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Pricilia, Things sound tough right now, why add to the struggle when it comes to MM. It can be one less thing to stress over and worry about. Hey. just because this forum is mainly about OW/OM issues doesn't mean the rest of reality won't keep up with us. Life is hard. Not to sound cheesey but I think we need these trials so that when the good stuff comes around we appreciate it more. Just keep strong, you have to! I lost my mom in September, my oldest daughter and I are having rounds, she keeps running away. Still fighting with ex husband, he keeps calling me a whore because I "messed around" with a MM. MM and I were done in November. I still miss him and think of "what if" often. I spent this weekend with my father who remains in ICU because of pancreatitis and low blood pressure. Not sure yet how it is going to turn out. We thought we were going to lose him, but he is a bit stronger today. Combine that with raging PMS and I don't know whether to laugh or cry! But I only do what I can do. A friend of mine told me today "Life is life" when I asked her why all these struggles. I can only answer the struggles are just because. Here's to life, we can win the struggles! Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Hi Pricillia... It is times such as these that draw out every bit of courage that we have, to be hit on all sides and then to continue to stand after such a fire, and not only stand....but come through victorious. Your situation will change....trust God Pricillia, He will never leave you nor forsake you....am praying right now for supernatural change.....many miracles, and for God to reveal Himself in this situation....GBU....Jesus loves you and so do I!!!!! (((((((((hugs)))))))) Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 RE: Pricillia, Be patient. He may come around in the next few days. Who knows. You and him have a ton of history together -and it would be abrupt to throw it away all at once. You have managed on your own so far. You are doing good, by the way. But, IF you don't hear from him soon, you should act quick. You can't wait a lifetime. Hindsight's vision: This might be the right time to take a step forward, into the sunny paths of life, and start onto a journey of discovery. You. It starts with you. Take Care. Stay Strong. Sand&Water Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Just wanted to send you best wishes, pricillia... life can look/be very bleak at times... but you never know what's round the corner, so keep at it and believe in yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pricillia Posted January 28, 2007 Author Share Posted January 28, 2007 Thanks everyone for replying, and the words of support really do mean alot to me! I did something so bold last night, maybe immature but It just came over me and I had to take a stand, I did not want to just sit by a wait for him to think that I was accepting of his silence. I had something of his that he left in my car, in the beginning of our relationship, to mark is territory I suppose... and a really sweet b-day card with a card attached, it was the sweetest thing I have ever gotten, But I walked into work last night where he was and I gave him back his things and said " I thought you would like these things back" He took them with a smirk on his face... I then asked him what is up with him and he said that he was at work and he could not talk... I then said something that was not preplanned but just came out of my mouth. I said " I will never give up my dignity to you again" I then proceeded to walk away and looked back and he looked so mad, and shocked at the same time. Not sure if this was the smartest thing to do, but I guess anger and hurt drove me to let him know that he... well that it is not all about him. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Alright P! Good job...now let him wonder... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Priscilla, I think you did a great thing - you took control of the situation, did something for yourself that was in your best interests, not his. Good for you! Your stepmom...well, you can't do anything to change her attitude. If she keeps hounding you for money, perhaps you can alter your payment schedule. Since you get paid every two weeks, instead of waiting til the end of the month to give her all the money at once, give her half the payment in the middle of the month and the other half at the end of the month. That might mollify her enough to stop hounding you. One alternative to living with your step mom that you might consider is sharing an apartment with roommates. It lowers your expenses for rent and utilities so you can save some money, but it is your place so you don't have to answer to your step mom who believes she is doing you a big favor in letting you live with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pricillia Posted January 28, 2007 Author Share Posted January 28, 2007 Alright P! Good job...now let him wonder... Thanks Green Eyed.... I wanted to show that I am strong in this situation... I honestly do not think he will contact me again, after that showing... He is a very sensitive man that I feel has many scars... Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 You did what you had to do...he needs to treat you better...You are strong and you proved it...Good luck girl! Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Thanks Green Eyed.... I wanted to show that I am strong in this situation... I honestly do not think he will contact me again, after that showing... He is a very sensitive man that I feel has many scars... I think it's great that you stood up for yourself . But it was probably too late . In the situation where he started ignoring you , you obviously just got angry and needed to have the last word . And you did it at his work no less . But reguardless , you got it out . Hope things get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pricillia Posted January 28, 2007 Author Share Posted January 28, 2007 I think it's great that you stood up for yourself . But it was probably too late . In the situation where he started ignoring you , you obviously just got angry and needed to have the last word . And you did it at his work no less . But reguardless , you got it out . Hope things get better. Too late, a day and a half into him saying he has alot on his mind... I work there as well, and I am not going to feel uncomfortable because he works there either, I just did not want him to think that it was alright for him to come around or call when he was ready... understand? Of course I was angry...I have every right to be, I have been more than understanding with him... Link to post Share on other sites
Can'tGiveUp Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Too late, a day and a half into him saying he has alot on his mind... I work there as well, and I am not going to feel uncomfortable because he works there either, I just did not want him to think that it was alright for him to come around or call when he was ready... understand? Of course I was angry...I have every right to be, I have been more than understanding with him... You did great, Pricillia. With all the "other" stuff you've been dealing with, you needed him to be understanding. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Too late, a day and a half into him saying he has alot on his mind... I work there as well, and I am not going to feel uncomfortable because he works there either, I just did not want him to think that it was alright for him to come around or call when he was ready... understand? Of course I was angry...I have every right to be, I have been more than understanding with him... By too late , I mean that you were clearly just REACTING to something he did , it was not some descision you came to on your own (to have him leave you alone) , thus just a reactive action . But I guess any way you do it , as long as you are willing to hold to your descision. Link to post Share on other sites
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