Girlfriend Lied About Past

[Guest]

Hello,

 

I slept with my girlfriend on the first date. It was my first time ever being with anyone actually, as I had planned on getting married first. I don't know what happened - momentary lapse of reason I guess?

 

She told me that night she hadn't been with anyone since her last boyfriend which was years ago. I was so upset at the time about my own lack of control that I never thought about how what she said sounded to me - I just accepted it was true. I kept seeing her. We've been together a year and a quarter.

 

Six months ago or so, she asked me to send an email for her, and I discovered quite on accident because of old sent mail she had laying around that she had relationships quite recently before me. She told me the truth then and said that she had been with two guys - one some months before and one one month before she met me. She said the relationships lasted a couple weeks.

 

Recently, we were talking about things, and something she said seemed strange to me. She ended up admitting she had been with 4 more guys just for one night before she met me. That is six guys before she met me in the course of about 8 months or so. She says she feels bad about it and never wanted to tell me because she thought I wouldn't want to be with her anymore.

 

The truth is, I really love her. She doesn't like talking about what she did in the past, and I don't like talking about it either. But for some reason, I can't stop it from bothering me. Its just sort of the idea of what she did - it seems wrong to me. I don't mean to judge her, but we all have our own idea of what we think is right or wrong. I think I was wrong to sleep with her on the first night too, though I've become more open to sex before getting married since then.

 

We're still together and still happy - I want to stay with her. Since I met her, I never doubted her because she was always great to me. I trust her about everything since the day we met. I'm the only person who knows that she kind of slept around for a while. She never let any of her friends know (she'd meet some guys online and go our for drinks, etc). She really did feel bad about it, but at the same time enjoyed it I guess.

 

I realize too that I was sort of an idiot for not realizing that if I was with her on the first night, it probably wasn't the first time for her. There was a lot of other things in the situation to make me sort of out of my mind at the time, and so I just wasn't thinking. If she had told me the truth on the first night, I probably definately would not have been with her.

 

We've lived together for a lot of months, but from time to time, as now, are separated by long distance. That's part of the reason I trust her so much though - I know how she lives every day. I know that she isn't going out and seeing other guys. I know that she really cares for me.

 

So I feel guilty about feeling bad about her past. It is really an emotional thing. I really want to let go of thinking about it at all, but its still there and still bothers me. I'm afraid that sometimes, if we argue or something, those thoughts affect how I act toward her in a negative way. I've even found myself once or twice thinking less of her because of her past - she doesn't deserve that.

 

I wanted to ask if anyone has had a similar experience - how did you finally let go of your girlfriend's/boyfriend's past so that it doesn't affect the relationship badly? Her and I both agree now that everyone makes mistakes - she doesn't think what she did is right, but says that she was bored at the time and doing what she did just felt good and made things more exciting. I understand it. But even when you an understand someone, sometimes there's still feelings that are hard to get rid of. Just looking for advice about that.

 

Thanks!