luvtoto Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Still thinking, it's not over? Still holding onto hope that he or she will come back someday? Still wondering why the relationship ended? Let me set you free...(actually not me, the quote below is from a talk show I watched the other day. The show was about a woman coping with a breakup. The show stuck in my mind). This is what was said to her: "Let me set you free. There is no answer there. There's no possible thing that he could say to you that would make sense or even be correct. Because whatever it is he feels about you, he is wrong. We are not looking for his opinion about who you are. We are looking for your opinion, and your opinion needs to be that you are AWESOME. Stop asking him, 'cause then you'll try to figure out how to change [it]...and you are not going to be able to change [it]. So, what needs to happen is to take a close look at yourself. Why would I want a man that is inconsiderate to me. There is something about you that says I am not complete till this person comes back and tell me I'm ok. But, we know you are ok. But, you don't know it because you are looking for VALUE in his acceptance. That's where you have to get or you will be stuck here forever." I have gotten there! But, after four years of on again off again crap. The bottom line, he abandoned me. If I ever got him back, I would stay on pins and needles waiting for the next shoe to drop. I can't live that way. Anyway, I am posting this thread, so I can go back and read this to myself as sort of a blog. Also, I thought it might help those out there still struggling. Good luck to you all! Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Anyway, I am posting this thread, so I can go back and read this to myself as sort of a blog. LoveShack blogs. What a great idea. We should try to get www.nocontact.org, maybe. Link to post Share on other sites
LaughMachine Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Love it, so true..too many times we look to others for validation. hahaha Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 This works... unless of course you're NOT looking for validation in the person. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 lovers are replaceable....friends and family are not. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 lovers are replaceable. Heck I thought they were receptacles ? Good quote P_G Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 lovers are replaceable....friends and family are not. Apparently you've never had a lover who felt like both friend and family. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Good quote P_G thanx Apparently you've never had a lover who felt like both friend and family. nope, and I never will. my friends & family always come first becasue they stick by my side and are loyal and will be there no-matter-what. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted January 29, 2007 Author Share Posted January 29, 2007 This works... unless of course you're NOT looking for validation in the person. What would keep someone from moving on then? It all boils down to low self-esteem, and wanting to hear someone say that you're ok. Especially, if you can't say it to yourself. I think what they said on that show made complete sense to me. Actually, the guy that I quoted was the same guy that wrote the book 'He's just not that into you'. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Actually, the guy that I quoted was the same guy that wrote the book 'He's just not that into you'. They should write a sequel, "Get over it, already." Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 What would keep someone from moving on then? It all boils down to low self-esteem, and wanting to hear someone say that you're ok. Especially, if you can't say it to yourself. It can't just be low self-esteem. Actually, at least IMO, it seems like people with low self-esteem move on quickly, because they want ANYONE to validate them. I think what they said on that show made complete sense to me. I totally agree too- I was just making the point that there's no "One-Explanation-Fits-All". I think there can be other reasons people don't move on, other than need for validation from that person. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Actually, at least IMO, it seems like people with low self-esteem move on quickly, because they want ANYONE to validate them. i don't think so sister...please examine your own case Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 i don't think so sister Very insightful. So then how do you explain those people who bounce from relationship to relationship without a minute of breathing time between? The people who never spend more than a few days or weeks "single", because they can't stand to be alone? (and I don't mean dating, I mean full-blown relationships) Sounds like low self-esteem to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 So then how do you explain those people who bounce from relationship to relationship without a minute of breathing time between? The people who never spend more than a few days or weeks "single", because they can't stand to be alone? Damaged... The ex that brought me to LS a couple of years ago was one of those damaged souls.. I think they are hurting from their past so bad that when they feel alone in a relationship they repeat the cycle over and over.. instead of facing the pain they bury it Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 ..please examine your own case I don't have low-self esteem. No matter what you might think. I will admit to being more afraid of the newness of moving on, than anything else. That's a whole other reason someone might not be able to move on that ISNT self esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 The people who never spend more than a few days or weeks "single", because they can't stand to be alone? Maybe they're just ultradesirable. Quality meat doesn't sit on the shelves for long. (and I don't mean dating, I mean full-blown relationships) Oral sex doesn't make a relationship. I might help hold it together, but it's not the clincher. Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Damaged... The ex that brought me to LS a couple of years ago was one of those damaged souls.. I think they are hurting from their past so bad that when they feel alone in a relationship they repeat the cycle over and over.. instead of facing the pain they bury it Sounds like low self esteem to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Sounds like low self esteem to me. Sounds like it here as well. I have talked to many and they tell me that they can't deal with being single and that they have to be in a relationship at all times. Sounds like insecurity or low self-esteem to me. Link to post Share on other sites
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