changwang310 Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Hi everyone, i am new to this forums and just have one question that i can't seem to answer. You see, my girl recently broke it up with me after 14 months as the same "i don't feel it anymore, i need some space" which i am giving to her. So after doing a bit of research, i decided to go for no contact for a month or so. Problem is after 2 days of no contact after she ended it with me, every day after that, she is texting me at night say "Hey you" (like she wants to talk) or "Whatz up" or just saying anything like "damn that movie i saw today sucked" as the opening line to greet me and start conversation. I did what most people did and to just keep the texting short and saying i have something else to do. But what is she trying to tell me here? Does she really want to see how i am, if i've submitted to dispair? in that case I don't need her sympathy but it would be rude to say that, but my mom (great counselor lol) told me that women are selfish people that don't care how ur feeling but only themselves and that she's calling you cuz she's lonely and misses you and wants to talk to you. I don't blame her, i mean i've given her a present every montly anniversary to remind her of my love for her from mugs with our names on it to a clock with our names and love forever engraved on it all custom made also including 2 rings with diamonds. Everywhere she goes i am with her lol im so pathetic hehe.... anyways, i don't know what to do with her contacting me, her friends are even calling me but i don't want to talk to them cuz she might be asking them to call me to see whatzup but i want her to do that. So bottom line is , what do i about her texting me? i mean i want to keep the lines of communication open, but i don't want her to think im someone she can cling to until she finds someone else (is that how it works?), and it still hurts slightly when she talks to me so casually. Or maybe she's starting to regret her decision and trying to get closer to me. Any ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 I think that you are very smart and know exactly what is going on.... she is totally trying to see if you are still on the hook with her. Just keep doing what you are doing. Keep it light/funny/short -- and always be very busy and never answer/reply right away. Since she dumped you, she needs to be the one that apologizes and asks for you back. This is really hard to do while contact is maintained, but you should really start to get busy. Focus on friends/family/work/hobbies and even start dating again if you can do so casually. If she doesn't directly ask to start things up again with you after she sees you moving on, then it truly wasn't meant to be. If you find that you can't move on and be busy while she still texts you, then you need to cut down more on the communication. If this causes her to drop off herself -- then again, it wasn't meant to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author changwang310 Posted January 31, 2007 Author Share Posted January 31, 2007 First off, thanks for reply, i really took your advice to heart. And to all others on this forum, you people are my inspiration and deserve more love than you can ever give : ) alright, well i called her and told her i still had feelings for her but said to her not to contact me anymore if she really cared for me so i wouldn't suffer the pain anymore. I really couldn't take talkin to her casually anymore, it was screwing with my head too much and just had to tell her to only call me when her "heart" had something to tell me. when we were saying our good byes , i could hear her fighting back her tears, guess pretty much being dead to her and her hearing that i've been going on dates (only played this card because she directly told me when we broke up that she'd always be jealous) was really getting to her. Hope its only a matter of days or weeks before she realizes what she has left, i hope i'll still be there for her, if not, then life goes on..... Only one thing tugs at my mind, how does one come out of nowhere and say i miss you, i love you, i wanna be with you? any feedback or support would be appreciated : ) Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Ok -- I do want to support you, but don't ever do the whole "I still have feelings for you" gig again! Knowing that you are still pining for you just gives her an ego boost. Even though you think she was fighting back tears, subconsciously, she knows that you are still on the hook -- so she won't be as motivated to get you back. Telling her not to contact her unless she means it will only be a deterrent. My opinion is that in the future, you should only be light/funny and maybe a bit evasive. You need to play hard to get. Right now, you are playing easy to get -- she only needs to say something about love, and you are right back in her clutches..... wrong approach in my opinion... Move on, start dating, make her work for it. 'nuff said. Link to post Share on other sites
Author changwang310 Posted January 31, 2007 Author Share Posted January 31, 2007 I understand what you are saying. I only mentioned it very very briefly and it was very casual so there was no rubbing it in or that i really REALLY meant it in the deepest of ways in fact i followed that by saying i don't think i'll be around for much longer now (which also might give her a window of opportunity to get back with me, in case she was texting me alot because she was getting closer to me and regretting her decision). but i threw it in there just so that she will know that while she's sorting out her thoughts for the long haul of NC (however long its gonna be). Finding the balance between playing hard to get and not being cold or an ass is a fine line indeed. I say for a large amount of 'hard to get' act, a small amount of affection must be added to prevent myself from looking like a jerk. I find it hard to just call her and say stop talkin to me ur hurting me, i know she's been selfish but its just not in my nature to be so selfish and deliberately be an ass (im a christian afterall), but like u said, if its meant to be, its meant to be. Just giving a little comfort before the lonely nights she will have ; / . Perhaps this will spark the fire to get her act together... I know i gave her an ego boast, but doesn't that make her feel special/good (because it was the first time in a while of casual talk)? and isn't that what women want to feel? Link to post Share on other sites
Onwards Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 ... I know i gave her an ego boast, but doesn't that make her feel special/good (because it was the first time in a while of casual talk)? and isn't that what women want to feel? Not when her primary reason to contact you is to get some assurance that she could still have you back if she wanted. It was more than likely her insecurity that had her texting you all the time - now you have provided her with security, her motivation (for the time-being at least) to contact you has been eroded. You haven't done anything wrong - it's probably a good thing that you got your feelings out one last time....but try not to do it again. Jealousy is your friend here - don't think that her perceiving that your feelings are fading or that you're seeing others will push your ex away - quite the opposite in fact. Link to post Share on other sites
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