Changes

[Joe1]

It's weird how much a person can change over a short period of time. If there was anything in this world I could do over again and do differently, it would be school.

 

So many times when I was a kid I was always told by my parents "do the best you can in school, you'll wish you would once you're out" and now years later that statement holds true.

 

I was different back when I was in school, different in a bad way. During my school days I didn't have an ounce of care in the world for school, I hated it and wished death rather than having to go to school.

 

You see, I was never popular and I was always taunted and teased about being overweight. I'll admit, I was overweight. It started when I was in grade school, it was then it was placed in my head that being overweight is looked down upon and it was then that it was placed in my head that right when I meet a person they judge me because I am overweight.

 

Because I was belittled by others, I kept my mouth shut and never spoke up. Doing so, I had the thought that other's wouldn't notice me and therefore wouldn't laugh at me.

 

This had affected me to the point I gotten to the point I hated school early in my school days, therefore I developed a learning disability that enabled me to learn things I didn't find of interest. I struggled and being belittled offered no motivation in the least.

 

Because I needed the extra help, I started thinking as though I was an outcast. I didn't have friends, I was belittled and taunted and I clearly remember nobody wanting me to participate in games and activities. I was always chosen last, people would groan and moan not wanting me to be on their team.

 

As I got older, into the middle school era, I continued my weight gaining and still had real friends except my best friend which was the only one that'd have anything to do with me. Of course I had people I associated with and got along with in middle school, but other than that it wasn't to the point we'd hang out together socially when not in school.

 

Again I continued to have my learning disability and needed the extra help, which was really my only form of motivation because I knew they'd be down my a$$ if I didn't do my stuff. While the middle school era was the time when people would start dating, I didn't date much.

 

I had a girlfriend that lasted for a few months, but we never really did much socially just talked on the phone. Then my 8th grade year was when I first felt love and had a girlfriend that overlooked my weight and we spent so much time together. After a year we broke it off due to personality conflicts, odd I know.

 

My high school year wasn't much different, again I had a short-term relationship during the end of my 9th grade year into the early part of my 10th grade year but that ended and again I became single. I still hadn't gained friends, I still got belittled by others and still had a continuing weight problem. And I still lacked motivation to learn and struggled.

 

People walked all over me, I never stood up for myself because the feeling of being an "outcast" still was in my head from my grade school years and it just grew with me so I felt I had no right to stand up for myself. I always had it in my head that had I stood up for myself, I'd get beat up.

 

I graduated high school in 1999, and shortly there after I obtained a job working for the local CBS affilate station here in my city and at the time still had a weight problem, still shy and quiet and my past was bothersome to me and never stood up for myself.

 

I was promoted to being a Photojournalist in late 1999 and shortly thereafter things changed. If anything, I could honestly say my job has saved my life and has taught me more about life and living than I have ever learned before.

 

It was in 2000 when a reporter and I was assigned to a story about a young man in his late 20's, like me, had an overweight problem for his whole life. By the time he was 19, he had developed a genetic diease that wouldn't allow him to lose weight, at least not as easy.

 

The young man, now 20 year's old weighing close to 300 pounds, suffered a heart attack that nearly killed him. I was 19 years old at the time and weighed 288, so it hit close to home for me and literally got me thinking that night and had me scared.

 

I went to the doctor the next day and he provided me with information on weight loss. After a period of a year, a huge cut back on what I ate and lack of pop I was down to 215 from 288.

 

I no longer looked like a pig, my height kind of hides my "fat" and the only issue I still have is having "man-boobs" that, to me, seem rather big and have tried several failed attempts to get rid of them.

 

Overall, besides an incident here and there, I am currently very happy with how I look. I have learned to stand up for myself and fight for what I believe in, I reported the current problem on here I was having at work and immediately wrote up a rebuttal to my boss and then had another meeting the following day and worked out a lot of things and I am currently happy.

 

If there is anything in this world I wish I could go back and change and do all over again, it would school from day one. If I could do it all over again, I would worked towards maintaining my weight and not be overweight, I wish I would of stood up for myself and not let people walk all over me and belittle me.

 

And most importantly, I wish I could go back and worked harder at making good grades. One thing I now keep in mind is I'm not running for political office, therefore I do not need to worry about making everyne happy. No matter what, you will never make everyone happy and just need to do what is right for you regardless of what others thing.. but of course be justifyable about it.

 

I know this is long, and I'm not writing this as a pity me story. I'm happy with my life now, if anything I want parents to work hard with their kids to make them succeed in school. If your child hates school, I'm sure there is more to it than just "because".. usually it's associated to being bullied around so if your child hates school talk with them.

 

It's funny how I would laugh when my parent's use to tell me how one day, once I was out of school, I would realize how important school is. Now all I can say is there is nothing more honest than that statement.

[Patty]

Don't feel bad I have a learning disability too.I see things in a different way.Its harder for me to learn things.I use to get picked on at school too,kids would call me "retarded."So I know how you feel. Only difference is I dont want to go back to school and go through that again.Things look different to me too.So dont feel bad.

 

Patty

[quankanne]

your post hit home -- I think almost every kid in America hates school because of the horrible social experiences it provides, esp. if you aren't extremely attractive or athletically gifted. God help you if you are an independent thinker!

 

I think parents should be honest with their kids and tell them that they're probably going to hate school by the time they middle school, a time when kids start buying into a social class structure (jocks, nerds, hotties, etc). Instead, parents need to tell them that it's okay to not like that atmosphere, because it won't last forever. Eventually, you DO graduate and move on -- to college, to jobs, to marriage, etc. And those are the places where people let you be as you are. They're not forcing a label on you the way the people you grew with often do -- they're more interested in you.

 

I hated junior high and high school, mostly because people didn't look past the herd mentality and weren't interested in seeing what you were really about once they labeled you. But college was a different story -- I hooked up with a great group of people who were interested in much of the same stuff I was (we all worked for the campus newspaper and were sure we could change the world!) and life was generally good.

 

It's interesting when I go back or run into some of the people I grew up with, who never left the small town we were from. Their attitudes haven't changed any, even though they're married with kids. They're hell-bent on keeping their little worlds the exact same way they were 25 years ago, and they don't understand why you've changed! Obviously, they still believe that high school was the best time of their life, but I know better.

 

So, Joe, don't let it bother you much that you don't live up to ideals forced upon you when you were growing up (have to be gorgeous, have to be the most popular, need to be somewhat smart).

 

Be yourself, no matter who says what. In the end, people are going to respond to what's genuine in a person, not a bull**** image someone tries to create.

[Joe1]

It's said school is to prepare kids for the future, to get you ready to deal with life once you're out. Since I graduated in 1999, I've learned more about life in the past few years than I did my whole time in school.

 

Life is full of crap, not bad but you know what I'm talking about; politics that goes on in the work place, people walking all over you and what-not. In my early years of school, it was always placed in my head that standing up for yourself would cause you to get into trouble with teachers.

 

I think school leaves out the most important detail. Self defense is our only and best weapon when it comes time to having to stand up for ourselves and what we believe in. I remember in school when somone would start defending themselves they were told to shut up and of course they'd have to listen or they'd get detention.

 

I saw this day in and day out and I think this stayed in the back of my mind that standing up for yourself means you'd get in trouble.

 

I remember when I had issues in school teachers would say "go tell a teacher". Well ya know what, when you're out on your own at the age of 21 there are no "teachers" to go tell. When your bosses are trying to make you their slave, there is no teacher to come stick up for you.

 

My whole issue in school was not standing up for myself for the fear I'd get in trouble because I would witness day in and day out students being punished for speaking outloud for what they believe in.

[quankanne]

I think it goes back to the fostering of a herd mentality. You're told to be like others, to not rock the boat so that things are smooth for those in charge (teachers, parents, etc.) Which, I suppose, serves a purpose, but mistakenly leads kids to believe that this is how the real world works!

 

Instead of teaching kids to set their sights on grade school, I think parents need to encourage them to see beyond that phase in their life, something more realistic than "you need to finish high school so that you can get a good job." We cheat them -- and ourselves -- by not looking to the future, by not letting them know that though they might hate where they are right now, they're going to grow up and meet new people who will encourage them to be the best they can be, not pidgeon-hole them into some label or identity that someone else has given them. That it's okay to stand up and share your opinion or stand up in defense of yourself.

 

The good thing is, Joe, even though you might only be a couple of years older than some high school kid, the experience you've learned in these short years since graduation will translate into valuable advise for a younger person. I make it a point to tell my nieces and nephews that grade school doesn't last forever, that people change and that it's okay to want something more than what their classmates aim for.