Guest Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 Giving up is too easy an out. Who's to say you won't meet that somebody when you are 32? 40? Even 50? Just like the lottery, you can't win unless you play. You don't know when you will die, you could meet that special somebody on the last day, and you could die happy! You are correct to steer clear those you feel no spark for. But you should realize it can and HAS happened. It is probable you will you will find a guy that you have a spark with AND he will feel the same way and be ready for it. If you give up, you WILL have a ZERO chance of finding that which you seek. Link to post Share on other sites
Clair Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 I just want to add, it will not happen if you don't look for it. Time flies and you don't become younger. A Prince Charming will not knock on your door, you have to search. Know which qualities you cannot accept in a partner, but don't be too picky. And don't limit yourself to your geografical location, may be your soulmate lives on the opposite side of the globe, how do you know? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 My main issue is that while I attract lot of men, I never attract the ones that I could like or feel something for. I guess I'm werid in a sense that I'm extremly picky and I almost never feel that "spark". I have only felt it three times in my life and managed for something to happen on each occassion, only to be dumped in matter of weeks. Those were the only three times that I have been dumped. I will never understand this. In this day and age (I am an old-fashioned guy), why do you not go after the men that you are attracted to? There is nothing wrong with a girl showing interest in a guy. You probably know what the warning signs are if you need to bail, so what's the problem? I'm sure you have met some guys that gave you a spark, but never did anything about it, maybe waited for them to make a move. Am I right? If people played less games, there would be more loving! Just MHO... You can be aggressive without being too aggressive. Good luck, but I think you'll be ok! Link to post Share on other sites
Prudence Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 What I have learned about myself is that I rely on men to prove I am worth loving. And I do pick those who will actually prove me the opposite. And it all goes back to my childhood and a pretty cold and unloving (or so it felt) father. My problem now is as other have said, to stop looking but let things happen and stop suffocating the poor men when they do happen LOL. I have to love myself for men to love me and I'm the only one who will bring myself the love I need. Oh my gosh. I can relate to this so, so very much. Just tonight as I was driving home from work, I was thinking about this guy I like and have been flirting with and thinking how much I want him to want me and lust after me and like me because that is what will mean I am loveable and attractive. Like, my validation would come from his wanting me. Isn't that awful? I know it's wrong to think that, but those are the feelings that come from deep inside. And like you said, I have to love myself first, and validate myself. My worth can't come from someone else. Anyhoo, I am getting some counseling, which I hope helps. I'm glad I'm not the only one like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 -Some of you say you meet alot of men...how many? -Do you flirt?...I don't mean falling over someone, do you make eye contact and encourage conversation? -Do you expect "fireworks" at the moment of the meeting? Everybody has a past...you need to offer a better future... As a guy...who will look at a girl/woman in the eyes during a brief encounter, why do most turn away...I'm not an ogre, so I guess it's shyness, bitterness, etc....Ladies...I think you give out your own vibes...think about what you are trying to project everyday. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 I'm lusting after you already Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 I hear what you're saying but "spinster" is a sexist outdated term and suggests negative aspects about the woman, simply because she is not married. Instead of putting this negative spin on being single, focus on what you have, how awesome and great you are. If you're not so awesome and great, then go out and find interests, find your passions, what makes you happy. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. There are SO many woman AND men getting into their 30s and 40s and not being married by choice. You have to accept that...well....it's possible you WON'T find that one guy who you are perfectly attracted to and wants you that way in return. Well, then you're really gotta be happy with yourself, don't you? Read The Secret...Positive Thoughts attract Positive things. Having negative thoughts, like you have now, won't get you anywhere. Positive thoughts, you will have the state of mind to attract that perfect guy for you! You'd be surprised. The poster who made the statement that there's usually a reason you're not attached, as if some negative reason. Here's my reason: I broke up with my bf of 2 years in Aug. because I didn't want to move in with his kids who the teens from he** and I wasn't about to live in a house with screaming, yelling, namecalling (to their dad, all the time) for 6 months of the year. He just had no parenting skills. Aside from that, we were very happy and he didn't want to break up, lots of love and feelings there. So now it's 7 months later. I've dated. but unlike that poster suggests, I'm not going to SETTLE for some guy who doesn't QUITE fit the bill. HAIL no. I'd rather be single than be in a relationship where the guy just doesn't do it for me. This doesn't make me flawed. It doesn't mean I have issues. It makes me smart (and happier.) So don't listen to that crap about there's a reason if you're alone. It's usually by people who actually did settle because it's easy to get a boyfriend when it comes down to it. at least it is for me, I'm attractive, educated, fun, slender, fit, etc. I could have a boyfriend by tomorrow if I like. But...I ain't a gonna settle for anything less than the whole enchilada. Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 So when's the wedding? Please eevroyone, please neevr think it won't happen for you! i don't know if the man i am with now is "the one"..but i do know i never had many relationships, and always wondered how peolpe met someone they were both attratced to and were attracted to them, and had things in common, etc. etc. but keep plugging away! it may happen in your 20's or 30's or even 40's but DO NOT SETTLE!! just enjoy other aspects of your life, and so when the right one comes along you will appreciate them all the more. and like i said someone else, onlie dating not bad. profile will say what you want, easier to meet people in your area with your interests and all...trust me! Link to post Share on other sites
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