AtAGlance Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Hi My partner of 20 yr has always been interested in porn: starting with soft porn mags, then videos and now the internet. I don't have a particular problem with it and we sometimes watch movies together. Some turn me on, some are boring. Our sex life is fine. However over the last couple of years he has been spending up to 3 hours a day downloading pictures and movie clips from the internet. He makes no secret of it and I suppose I only grumble if I want the computer for something else. But it seems a bit strange to me to be talking on the phone and downloading porn at the same time. So this is where I need some help ..... (1) when is it addiction (and do you think he has a problem) ? (2) some of the pics seem a bit near the knuckle but he says it is OK if they are drawings and not photos. Is this true ? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 when is it addiction (and do you think he has a problem) ? Some signs: It replaces actual sex - he would rather masturbate than have sex. He misses work/deadlines to view and use porn. He compulsively uses, and literally cannot stop. He spends more money than he has on it. He can no longer be 'turned on', or have an orgasm by anything but porn. When he would rather break up with you, than give up or limit porn use. Gets WAY too defensive and argumentative over his porn use. some of the pics seem a bit near the knuckle but he says it is OK if they are drawings and not photos. Is this true ? I guess I would have to hear his definition of "OK" in terms of why drawings are better than photos. They both depict the same thing, both have the same effect (more or less), etc. What is important here is how YOU feel about it. Do you think its ok? Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 I guess the discerning questions would be: can he go "cold-turkey" and live without it? and for how long? and would your sex life and your emotional connection flow just as smoothly without the inclusion of porn? -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
hopeto Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Some signs: It replaces actual sex - he would rather masturbate than have sex. He misses work/deadlines to view and use porn. He compulsively uses, and literally cannot stop. He spends more money than he has on it. He can no longer be 'turned on', or have an orgasm by anything but porn. When he would rather break up with you, than give up or limit porn use. Gets WAY too defensive and argumentative over his porn use. I guess I would have to hear his definition of "OK" in terms of why drawings are better than photos. They both depict the same thing, both have the same effect (more or less), etc. What is important here is how YOU feel about it. Do you think its ok? do they ever see that they have a problem and see that they lost everything and thier family because of this? My husband and I are divorceing because of this very reason. He still says he has no problem even after looking at child porn. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AtAGlance Posted January 31, 2007 Author Share Posted January 31, 2007 Hi thanks for your replies. Riobikini- After reading what you said then maybe it isn't an addiction as such. He is quite happy when we go away - doesn't complain that he misses it. It just seems strange to me to download all these pictures then never look at them again. It doesn't really affect us except on sunny afternoons when I would rather be out in the garden soaking up the sun and he's sitting inside saving porn pics....... As long as it stays at this level and he doesn't get twitchy when he's away from the computer perhaps I should accept that this is his form of relaxation and leave it at that. Ata Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 My husband and I are divorceing because of this very reason. He still says he has no problem even after looking at child porn. Well then, it seems he is in denial, if he feels he still doens't have a problem. Most all people who are addicts of any kind, at some point will justify or try to justify their behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Probably the best way to get an answer to your question on wheather or not he is true porn addict is to contact a counselor who specializes in sexual/porn addcitions, tell them what you have told us here, about his useage of it and see what they tell you. Link to post Share on other sites
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