Having problems with my fiance and his parents

[sadandconfused07]

I am having a problem with my fiance who is currently deployed in Iraq.He lets his parents try to run our relationship and when he makes plans for when he comes home he makes them with his parents instead of me which bothers me a little but whatever...what really bothers me is the fact that these plans involve me but yet he didn't even discuss them with me to see if i would me able to follow the plans.He acts like I don't have a life of my own and I can just stop work,college or whatever I'm doing to do what he wants to do and im sorry but I cant.He has gotten very bossy.When I say his parents try to run our relationship I mean they try to tell him hes got to spend the first week hes home with his mommy(as they put it) and thats not what he wants to do he wants to come see me but instead of standing up to his parents he just makes plans so where things can go the way they want and they got gripe and he wont even stand up to his parents or say anything to them when it comes to them treating me like crap for no reason.I am just really confused on what I should do...such as try to talk to him again which when I do that things normally change for a little while then goes back to being the same way or should I just call it quits.O and hes 20 yrs old by the way.Thanks so much in advance.

[Babybird]

Sounds like the problem is only with him and not his parents.

 

He's a big boy and can make his own decisions.

 

There is only one thing that make me feel a little for the parents. That's their son and being in IRaq is a terrifying thought for any parent. Maybe they're trying to get as much time with him in case something were to happen.

 

Here's my suggestion: ask him if instead of spending that time solely with his parents if you can join them. Explain how much you miss him and how left out that makes you feel. After all he's only home for a short amount of time and if he plans to marry you he shouldn't have any problem including you.

[Porn_Guy]

if he's fighting for his country in Iraq then he should be able to do whatever he wants. Sorry SAC07, but you have to suck it up in this particular situation. Otherwise, you can always find another bf who is not overseas and puts you before his family.

[Island Girl]

Fighting for his country didn't have anything to do with the original post except explaining that he is away and coming home for a visit as I understand it -- OP correct me is I'm misunderstanding.

 

If he wants to see then he should make the decision to see you - his family shouldn't have control over it at all.

 

You two are planning on being married. FYI that problems like this where in-laws or extended family meddle and are allowed to because of passive behavior - these problems GET WORSE after marriage.

 

If you are engaged you should be seeing behavior you want to be married to. If not there is a problem and it needs to be addressed. You need to have an honest conversation with him about how you are feeling and expectations of how things will be in a marriage.

 

People often make a mistake by thinking behaviors will change magically on the day you get married which is not true. You marry the person as they have been up until that day.

 

Changes you want to see about putting you first should be apparent before the marriage, during the engagement, and if they aren't it is a wake up call that there needs to be some discussion and clarifying of marital expectations.

[alphamale]

Fighting for his country didn't have anything to do with the original post except explaining that he is away and coming home for a visit as I understand it -- .

yea IG but its not like he's away on a business trip....the guy is in a war and he's all stressed out and stuff with bombs blowing up and snipers and who knows what else. I mean this is not a normal situation by any means.