jewels77 Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 To make a long story short I am new here. I have been seeing this guy for 9 years. A few years ago me and my boyfriend hit some rocky times, and I left him. After I left him, I slept with his friend that night. They were really close. His friend and I became really close also in the course of mine and my boyfriends problems. He was always there to listen to me. I became very infactuated with him, and I saw a side of him that I never knew. We became good friends. He came over a few times a week, and we would take our kids to do things together, watch movies, and he would jus curl up with me...... then I went back with my boyfriend. The fling asked me to break all communication with him, I lied and told him I did and I didn't. I got caught, and he told my boyfriend that I wanted a relationship with him, which broke my boyfriends heart. I smoothed everything over, and we have been back toegther for 3 years,and living seperate. Lately I have found myself pulling away from him, and I do not even like being around him. I ran into his friend a few weeks ago, and some how I ended up sleeping with him. Before we did so, we discussed it, and we both said no feelings were to be involved. Just benefits. I slept with him 3 weeks in a row, and then 2 weeks ago, he asked me to just curl up with him...no sex, just cuddeling...Our intentions were good, but it happened again. He said how come everytime I am around you I cannot help myself, this is the attraction we both share for each other, now I am cheating on my boyfriend, and I am starting to wish I could be with him on a romantic level......he is a great person........what do you think I should do????? I do not know if he is just saying that because he does not want to cause me hardship or confusion like last time, or is this how he really feels? Why would he ask me to just cuddle and no sex if that is all he wanted??? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 So you've been with your bf for 9 years, broke up and ran into the arms of his good friend, ran back to your bf, and are now cheating with the good friend and wondering if he wants more from you than just sex. Regardless of what the good friend wants, it sounds like you need to set your boyfriend free to find someone who can love him and be faithful, since you aren't the woman for him. In the meantime, until you break up with bf, you need to stop seeing the good friend. Whose children are they - your boyfriend's? It's shabby to bring them into your affair with the good friend. If nothing else, you need to put your kids first and do what is best for them, and that means not allowing them to see you kissing up to this other guy at their father's expense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jewels77 Posted January 29, 2007 Author Share Posted January 29, 2007 My child is not my boyfriends. And my boyfriend pushed me and his friend together by passing out drunk and asking him to take me out and keep and eye on me. I have never cheated on my boyfriend before, and I am feeling alot of regret for this fact, and I am in love with the friend and keeping my boyfriend on the back burner......things are extinguishing rapidly is what it feels like. I used to be clingy and motherly...not anymore. And a lot has to do with the fact that I am not happy. having an affair has not changed my feelings for either of them, which I did not think it would. I used to be co dependent on my boyfriend, and his friend pointed it out... now I am co-dependent on me, and I am wanting to move on, and he does not deserve to be happy after all he has put me through...it would hurt to see him happy Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 To make a long story short I am new here. I have been seeing this guy for 9 years. A few years ago me and my boyfriend hit some rocky times, and I left him. After I left him, I slept with his friend that night. They were really close. Oh...how nice. I bet you really did wonders for their friendship His friend and I became really close also in the course of mine and my boyfriends problems. Gee...some friend he is. He was always there to listen to me. I became very infactuated with him, and I saw a side of him that I never knew. We became good friends. He came over a few times a week, and we would take our kids to do things together, watch movies, and he would jus curl up with me...... then I went back with my boyfriend. And you involved your kids in this? Oh this keeps getting better. The fling asked me to break all communication with him, I lied and told him I did and I didn't. I got caught, and he told my boyfriend that I wanted a relationship with him, which broke my boyfriends heart. I smoothed everything over, and we have been back toegther for 3 years,and living seperate. Lately I have found myself pulling away from him Nah....ya don't say? You? Surely not. , and I do not even like being around him. I ran into his friend a few weeks ago, and some how I ended up sleeping with him. Some how? You don't know how? Oh..it was an accident right? He just tripped and his member fell into your crotch? I understand...it could happen to anyone. Before we did so, we discussed it, and we both said no feelings were to be involved. Just benefits. I slept with him 3 weeks in a row, and then 2 weeks ago, he asked me to just curl up with him...no sex, just cuddeling...Our intentions were good, but it happened again. He said how come everytime I am around you I cannot help myself, this is the attraction we both share for each other, now I am cheating on my boyfriend, and I am starting to wish I could be with him on a romantic level......he is a great person........what do you think I should do????? I do not know if he is just saying that because he does not want to cause me hardship or confusion like last time, or is this how he really feels? Why would he ask me to just cuddle and no sex if that is all he wanted??? Oh for the love of Pete...just break up with your boyfriend...geez. Spare your boyfriend the humiliation of being tied down to a cheater like you. Let your boyfriend go so he can move on with his life and find a decent woman. That way you can enjoy the "benefits" of being with this other guy until one of you gets the 7 year itch and decide you want some strange once again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jewels77 Posted January 29, 2007 Author Share Posted January 29, 2007 Ok, so if I leave him....and be alone for a while...... where do I go from there? Should I continue to persue the man I love? Do I continue with the affair and see where it goes? Perhaps I am afraid of being alone and maybe I am also afraid of seeing him happy. We have a very bad past, and he is abusive, and I am NOT happy....besides if I loved him how could I sleep with someone else? So without all the knocks you are all giving me be upfront.....punching my ego does not help because I am here for advise not to feel more guilt....I 'm already doing that very well on my own. I am not sure where to go from here. I am not in love with my boyfriend anymore, it is more comfort and routine, I do not feel joy when I am around him. What next???? I agree I need to leave him... I also know what I am doing is wrong, and I cannot be in love with 2 people. I am in love with only 1 and have been for 3 years/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author jewels77 Posted January 29, 2007 Author Share Posted January 29, 2007 and as far as a 7 year itch, I was committed to one person for 6 years prior failly because I was happy. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 1. Leave your boyfriend 2. Get your own place 3. Do not date anyone for a while - yes, you're afraid of being alone, but you cannot clear your head unless you are alone for a while, without a man. You need to gain confidence that you can handle being on your own and being responsible for yourself and your child. 4. Once you have settled into your place and cleared your head of your 9 year relationship, then you can consider dating again. 5. This guy you're having an affair with needs to leave you alone for a while so you can figure out if you really want HIM, or if you are desperate to be with a GUY Link to post Share on other sites
Author jewels77 Posted January 29, 2007 Author Share Posted January 29, 2007 I do have my own place. Like I said I am pulling away from my boyfriend.....talking to him less frequently, and not seeing him very muc...besides he is always drunk....... Me and my son are alot closer now than we ever have been. I am the one who calls the best friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Ok, so if I leave him....and be alone for a while...... where do I go from there? Should I continue to persue the man I love? Do I continue with the affair and see where it goes? Perhaps I am afraid of being alone and maybe I am also afraid of seeing him happy. Well thats just too bad. The decent thing to do is break up with your bf and set him free. He does not deserve this. And if you find yourself alone.....oh well. Deal with it. Better you should be alone than keep cheating on your bf. He deserves better. Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 and as far as a 7 year itch, I was committed to one person for 6 years prior failly because I was happy. so you didn't make it to the 7th year.....your point is? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 I do have my own place. Like I said I am pulling away from my boyfriend.....talking to him less frequently, and not seeing him very muc...besides he is always drunk....... Me and my son are alot closer now than we ever have been. I am the one who calls the best friend. Ok, since you already live on your own, you don't need step 2. Follow the rest of the steps: 1. Leave your boyfriend - you haven't done that yet, so you are cheating. Pulling away is not leaving. LEAVE HIM. 3. Do not date anyone for a while - yes, you're afraid of being alone, but you cannot clear your head unless you are alone for a while, without a man. You need to gain confidence that you can handle being on your own and being responsible for yourself and your child. 4. Once you have cleared your head of your 9 year relationship, then you can consider dating again. 5. Leave this guy you're having an affair with alone for a while so you can figure out if you really want HIM, or if you are desperate to be with a GUY Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 --"he does not deserve to be happy after all he has put me through...it would hurt to see him happy"-- Um and what do you think you put him thu running around behind his back with his suposesid friend?? Personaly I've never seen the letter I used more. I did this I did that I am afraid of being alone. Give me a break dont you ever stop to think about any one else but YOU. I hope he wises up and dumps you bouth and then finds some one who will think about some one else other then just herself and what makes her feel good...Sorry to say Link to post Share on other sites
ddnnee Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 oh ya, women... this happened to me! my gf screwed me over for my best friend. if polygamy was legal in america, women would have 3 husbands at the same time as they do have 3 orfices. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts