detachedartsit Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 http://outsideartist.com That is my art web site.I am 46 and have 2 children,one grand baby. I dont want my husband near me...I have searched my days,thoughts,feelings,and the only reason I can think of is. I got married to him,right after I seperated from my first abuse/nasty/drug/drinking marrage....................... That marrage produced one BOY who is now married and one baby girl. My husband now is a Christian,and I am so confused,his father drank,he does not anymore,because after we got married he realized what I drunk I was...(as is my mother and much of the family) very disfunctional,so I went into rehab,that was our first year of marrage!I had a baby girl from him already when I went in rehab,she wasnt even one...SO as soon I came out,My husbands JOB,was closeing its NJ interest,and we had 3choices(if we were to stay in USA) Oreagone,Calf "silicon valley",or arizona,with in 2 months out of REHAB,we went to oreagone and arizona,on house hunting trips and to decide which to move to. So it was Arizona,and we were living there with in 6 months of sobriety. That was a very good thing! Change people paces and things is KEY to staying sober,and when I was in rehab,I experianced a HEALING from GOD! and I was not a christian then,hind sight..I was instantly healed from the hold of Alcohol....We ived in az for 12 years,and then my daughter needed to be by famiy and I felt a ping of home sick,after people became ill,and my son getting off to collage and so forth,and she was raised with our church family only in az.. well after 3 years back in NJ..I am devistated.after,the reaator screwed us,in Phoenix,then the seller here in NJ,lied about everything important to me....right down to broken windows,It is had to stay on top of things when you are across the country..AND WHAT UNITED VAN LINES DID IS,JUST HELRIFFIC.. But during all of the Chalanges,My husband would say to me"just sell the house then I will go after the realator" and "dont worry If the house is to big,well move"" and we dont need a attourney to buy a house...and never told me other stuff that happened at the closeing in NJ..I was still in schock in az with my daughter for a church function and a birthday party....he went ahead with my son our car and the 2 dogs.. I wont go into the nasty details,but......He just yeses the **** OUT OF ME....JUST TO SHUT ME UP AVOID CONFLICT AT ALL COST.. WE SPENT SO MUCH MONEY IN AZ ...AND I KEPT TELING HIM,,THERE IS A EAK,AND THIS IS WRONG,YET HE WOULDNT WANTTO HIRE A PERSON,NOR DID HE HAVE TIME TO DO IT.AND HE CAN DO ANYTHING BUT WHEN IT COMES TO THE END PRODUCT,IT IS JUST ENOUGH TO GET BY,NO FINNISHING TOUCHES!!!!!HE LIED TO ME ABOUT A EXPENSE REPORT FOR 2 YEARS!AND THEN IT BECAME A 20,000.00$$$ INTREST CC BILL,RELATED TO WORK AND WE HAD TO TAKE A OAN OUT,OR IT WAS INCRUING INTREST TO THE POIT OF THOUSANDS MONTHLY.. Link to post Share on other sites
Sup Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Are you trying to say that you and your husband have not had sex in 15 years? Maybe I'm missing something......... Link to post Share on other sites
Author detachedartsit Posted January 30, 2007 Author Share Posted January 30, 2007 am i truly that messed up you cant tell what i am saying?I ramble on. I am so angry at him.I dont want any physical contact,we were just in bed and i said to him that we need councling,he said why,so i said cause you dont like me and I am angry at you for just placateing me for 10 years... he said no I just put up with you and other stuff..so he went up to the 3rd floor to his office to slumber.I cant take this much longer. I have pain.and I wi need to support myself.... I see I had 60 something views and no one said anything but you ?? whats the deal? I am realy very sad....and mixed up,am I that self absorbed....I cant figure out what to do?????IT took alot of soul searching as to why I cringe when he comes near me,and it hit me like a pie in my face!!!! I am angry at him.. how do I getthis to go away?????he just shuts me up,so ong as I am happy all is well.... I am not happay because he is not. and SEX wil not make it better,It wi just put a penis in my areas... I dont want that.I feel so used.... I have been married for 25-6 years if you combine both marriages,and how could out of nowhere I just cringe to the thought of intercourse,kissing.anything... I REALLY MEAN THIS WITH MY HEART..I FELL GUILTY ABOUT IT..AND I AM NOT GAY. I JUST DONT WANT ANYONE BY ME.I CANT TRUST ANYMORE. DOES ANYONE ELSE KNOW ABOUT THESE FEEINGS??pLEASE HELP ME.....FIGURE OUT,IF NOT I AM ANGRY AT HIM? I HAD SEX AT A EARLY AGE AND WAS TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF AT 13,BY 30 YR OlD,WHILE INTOXACATED.AND THUS WAS MY AWFULL INTRO TO SEX.. abortions,and drugs drinking and being used to have affaection abandoned at a youung age,and beat by my step father, i have not spoken of these things to get help for this ever before..i have spoke of them but didnt think it affected me NOW but is it?now all comming to a spot where I am disgusted with sex.and see no use in it?? HELP insight please ladies........linda Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 well try to find something you like doing and do that because some joy would do u good right about now Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Maybe some one on one therapy could help you sort out your feelings. Do you love your husband though? If not, consider ending your marriage. Nothing worse than staying in a lonely marriage.....You're better off alone. Link to post Share on other sites
jl5099 Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Your post is difficult to read, but maybe I can offer some insight. Why are you angry at your husband? Is it because he is sad? My personal experience is just simply if you're not happy in your situation then sex is just not fun. Sounds like you have a lot of held in emotions that you need to let out. I agree that some one on one counseling would be a great start to help you figure things out. Then eventually maybe MC. JMO Link to post Share on other sites
Scrivdog Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Any ideas as to why your husband is staying with an angry, sexless, self-indulgent screech like you? Link to post Share on other sites
VinaAmez Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Sorry your going through this but I really had a hard time understanding what you were saying. BUT I think that marriage counseling or going to counseling yourself would be helpful. Great way to work out some issues instead of keeping them inside and feeling the way that you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Romeo Must Die Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Any ideas as to why your husband is staying with an angry, sexless, self-indulgent screech like you? LMAO Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Ummmmm...............wow! Your thoughts seem very disorganized and chaotic. You must calm down, and slow down. At any rate, you are angry and have not slept together in a very long time now. It's loooooooooooomg overdue to make a decision. Have a marriage, or leave. It's your choice, but you have to make it, and do all the things that go along with your decision. With your history, lifelong individual counseling is probably a must, as is a completely drug and alcohol free lifestyle. Link to post Share on other sites
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