What do you make of this???

[Guest]

My bf and I were talking alot about getting engaged before the holidays. I know money got tight, so I was a little upset when he spent a bit on me for the holidays. When my birthday came, he bought me an ipod speaker, that he intended for me to use at work, but I didn't feel safe bringing it to work, so instead I used it home. He thought it was silly since we had a really good stereo system and could just get the adapter for the ipod so we could play it on the stereo which is half the price of the speaker. After him talking about it many times I finally said okay to him to return it. He said he'd buy me the adapter and whatever else I wanted in exchange for it. I told him to keep the money since money was tight and I know he has been trying to save for my ring. He said he couldn't do that to me. So 3 weeks ago we returned it, no exchange, just return.

 

Then last weekend, he went out and bought the Wii console for himself. No mention about the birthday gift.

 

Now, this weekend is our 1 year Anniversary. Do you think he might have something planned? Do you think he might be up to something. Or do you think he just totally forgot about the gift and not to expect much for our anniversary. Also, I don't know if I should be pissed off. I love him so much and I do want to marry him, but what if he's not that guy who makes an effort. Please help. I just don't know how to feel. I know he loves me and I know he wants to marry me, but it's just weird. And also what's weird is he use to talk about getting engaged, making little jokes here and there, trying to tease me, and now for the past 2 or 3 weeks, he hasn't and neither have I. It's like we just stopped talking about it. We talk about our future and all, but not about engagement anymore. Should I be worried.

 

He is a very caring man. Shows a lot affection. Never makes me question his love for me. I just don't understand why he'd return my gift and promise to exchange it and then forget.

[adnCat]

I think you are putting too much importance in material things. Maybe he doesn't think the same way you do about material gifts. Maybe he really thinks that it is the thought that truly counts.

 

Did you tell him what you wanted in exchange for the speakers?

 

Are you concerned that he is not saving for your ring since he purchased the wii console?

 

If you are really that concerned, bring it up. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to work out the solution in your head, because you just don't have all the necessary info to even come to a conclusion on your own.

[Babybird]

Hate to break it to you sweetie but men are extremely selfish by nature. Because you told him he could keep the money he probably hasn't given it a second thought.

 

I don't think your placing too much on material things. I think you should understand that this is setting the precedent for how it's going to be in the marriage.

[Island Girl]

Hate to break it to you sweetie but men are extremely selfish by nature. Because you told him he could keep the money he probably hasn't given it a second thought.

 

I don't think your placing too much on material things. I think you should understand that this is setting the precedent for how it's going to be in the marriage.

 

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO RIGHT.

 

Please learn this lesson and it will save you pain for years to come:

 

Do not say something like "keep the money because things are tight right now" but secretly hope the man, however great he is, will think about a gesture for you because of it.

 

If you have an expectation make it crystal clear and avoid disappointment.

Men are not mind readers and they are notoriously more selfish about their wants.

 

If you wanted him to exchange it for something else you should have said that and left it at that. You would've gotten what you wanted.

 

If you say it - they take it quite literally. And you can't be upset with him for using the money because you told him to keep the money.

 

He may have something planned for your anniversary but don't go into it expecting something, just take it as it comes. Some of the most romantic things that have been done to me were done with no money and would seem insignificant to materialists but it is the thought and effort behind the actions that counts.

[adnCat]

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO RIGHT.

 

Please learn this lesson and it will save you pain for years to come:

 

Do not say something like "keep the money because things are tight right now" but secretly hope the man, however great he is, will think about a gesture for you because of it.

 

If you have an expectation make it crystal clear and avoid disappointment.

Men are not mind readers and they are notoriously more selfish about their wants.

 

If you wanted him to exchange it for something else you should have said that and left it at that. You would've gotten what you wanted.

 

If you say it - they take it quite literally. And you can't be upset with him for using the money because you told him to keep the money.

 

I disagree - men are not selfish.

 

But I do agree that some guys have a tendency to take things at face value whereas some women tend to read into things. And some women expect some guys to read between the lines. I used to be guilty of this, but having been with my boyfriend for quite some time, I know when I can expect him to take things at face value. Sometimes the hints have to be quite obvious for guys to take them. It's not because they are selfish, they just don't think past the actual words sometimes.

 

My boyfriend is not selfish. He is also not a mind reader. I know he takes things literally. If I say "no birthday present this year," he really won't get me one. If I say, "I want you to learn a song and sing it to me next weekend for Valentine's day," he will learn a song and sing it to me when I see him this weekend. At the same time, if I want something and he says "no, you don't need that," I know he is not trying to 'trick' me into thinking I won't have it and then surprise me with it. This might seem unromantic to some, but believe me, there are plenty of times he is able to surprise me still, and our relationship is very romantic.

 

You told him to keep the money, and he did. Unless you raised your eyebrows dramatically and pointed to your left ring finger while telling him this, you shouldn't expect anything. Maybe if you had said "Keep the money, I'd rather have a nice ring than ipod speakers," he would not have purchased the wii. Who knows if he sees this as the money for your ring, the money you 'let' him keep instead buying another gift?

[RichC]

Do you really know what you are talking about? "All men are selfish". Where is your authority on this? ALL men are selfish? Glad you could speak for all men everywhere.

[Island Girl]

Do you really know what you are talking about? "All men are selfish". Where is your authority on this? ALL men are selfish? Glad you could speak for all men everywhere.

 

If you read what I wrote -- I said "notoriously more selfish about their wants".

 

VASTLY different from what YOU say above "ALL men are selfish". Do not put words in my mouth.

 

It is a well known fact, and there is reason for it, women are seen as more of the "givers".

 

There are exceptions to every rule - for instance - I am less nurturing and giving than most women.

[Mirage222]

Well you told him you did not want the gift. Not out right but round a boutly, you did. I think he did the right thing on returning it with no gift as its replacer... heck, your the one saying money is tight, so he fugurers he can save the money he spent on you and buy himself something that he's not going to complain about. Make sence?