Will she stay after she comes to America?

[J_Field07]

Hi

 

I am on my mid-forties, I had not been lucky when it comes to relationships, I have been on a couple of healthy relationships in the past, but for some reason they never worked out.

For quite a while, after breaking up with my former girl, I know it sounds corny, but I started to lose faith in love. So, as a way of letting go and also having a good time, this friend of mine told me about taking one of these tours to Russia which are so popular these days, because I’d meet beautiful women, so he kind of talked me into it, therefore with nothing left to lose (except for a couple of bucks), I went on this tour, and indeed I met this death-gorgeous, smart and sincere gal, we just simply clicked after meeting each other, we had the best time together while I was in Russia, and ever since I came back to the states we kept in touch almost every day by phone, chat, and e-mails,. I know it's hard to have long distance relationship, but she’s definitely worth it, plus I go to Russia every time I can.

 

I am very serious with her, we’re on a one-year relationship now, we have talked about her moving to the states and she’s ok with it.

Lately, I have started to think about popping the question once she moves in, of course she doesn’t know about it.

So here are my concerns:

Do you think I am rushing into things? Or should I just go for it and ask her to marry me?

Do you think it would work? You know, my being American and her being Russian? Or is it that you think she will have a hard time adapting to America and she’ll just feel like going back to Russia because of homesickness and stuff?

 

Any piece of advice would be very appreciated.

[Blue Phoenix]

Im sorry to say this not trying to bust your bubble or nothing honestly. But I've watched stories on tv about russin women. Who just hook up with older american guys kinda like your self. So the guy can support her and her family and make there life easer. They do this reguardless of weither or not they realy like the guy. Mabe just something you might want to keep in mind thu all of this. Is she the one asking to come to the states?? Again this may not relate to your situation but just watch out. It seamed to be a easey out for some of these women and was quite common more then a few were doing it.

[Road Rage]

It`s like that Garth Brooks song where he sings he could have missed the pain but he would have missed the dance. Sad fact is, for many, many American men, the only way they are every going to have the dance is by finding a foreign woman in an economically depressed country.

 

At least you are getting your chance at the dream. America will never even give you the chance.

 

I do know that a woman can turn on or off at the flip of a coin. Know that at any point a few years ahead the coin may flip.

 

But then, the same odds exist with women here too. They are not exactly setting any records in the faithfulness department.

[taiko]

Well you are about to embark on that journey of getting her a visa. first to get her here to live with you she will be limited to 90 days at which point you marry her or she becomes illegal.

 

Will she stay? If you truly have more going for you then she is younger and hotter then a local girl and that your standard of living even, if you are lower middle class, is higher then a local Russian boy then she may give it a shot. And may fall in love with you.

 

However when she gets here she may be in demand for others who seem a better catch then you. However the visa is linked to you so you have that advantage along with the ticking clock. She might leave you because her sex appeal is in demand. In the end you have to go with your gut.

[Blue Phoenix]

--"But then, the same odds exist with women here too. They are not exactly setting any records in the faithfulness department"-- Yes thats true but rember it takes 2 to have a affair theres just as maney dead beet men out there as well. --"At least you are getting your chance at the dream. America will never even give you the chance"-- Sorry I dont agree with that statement. I think theres some one for every one even in the states. I also think that some times what happends is there standards are so insanely high. That yea there not going to find the 23 year old toned blond bomb shell size 2 waist 38D whos willing to except them. So they go looking in these forin depressed countrys for desprate women who will fit the mold they have set in there mind...

[Road Rage]

Blue Phoenix

 

I agree with what you are saying. But, sometimes a person just has to accept themselves for who they are. If a guy percieves a hot young chick is what he desires most and it is obviously not going to happen unless in a foreign country, then I say do what you must do to satisfy your mind.

 

I pondered those things years ago and decided it was not for me. But, it does work for some guys.

[taiko]

If you read the Old Book, remember that the brother was to marry the widow of his dead brother. Society as a whole wants you to choose a girl from home. Society needs you to be a father figure to the single moms 9 year old son in the hope that he won't turn out to be a gangster.

 

So people will look beyond the good looks of your woman to call you a loser for choosing outside the tribe. Most 1st world countries make you jump through hoops to bring a wife from overseas. First because they lost a potential daddy and secondly because they are concerned that organized criminals paid you off to import a prostitute.

 

If you are willing to face the gauntlet of societal pressure then go to other sites like visajourney.com,, sorry I don't know Russia or Eastern European specific sites for support of those who have traveled this path.

[everchanging7822]

I am myself Eastern European.I would not have bothered to reply but I think this discussion is disgrace first for the people who post these replies and second for those who support them.

Not every eastern european woman is a prostitute.Eastern European women are not for import.Have you bothered to travel across Europe or Eastern Europe?Any ideas what it is like there? How you can generalise in such way? Do you know these countries are now part of the European Union?

Please, stop referring to Russia and Eastern Europe as one and the same country. We are 2007 and the Soviet Union does not exist.These countries you are talking about are developing .

I find it bad taste to call every eastern european woman a prostiture speaks of ignorance and narrow - mindness.

As long as the tribe comment- society went further we live in a globalised world.

 

Wish you best of luck!!!

And Russian or eastern european women or american women they are equally unpredictable.It all depends on the person .

[taiko]

Bear in mind no disrespt is meant. In my community, the Black community of Los Angeles all Asians are Japanese even thiough the last Japanese moved away in the late 1970s. To the Mexicans ans Salvadorians who replaced them all Asians are Chinese even if they are Korean, Cambodian, Vietnamese etc.

 

Because of Soviet domination all east Europeans are Russian for short. Even when Soviet was the proper term they were Russian.

 

But to get his girlfriend to the states he will have to deal with the prostitution stereotype. If he met her on-line he would have to deal with the "mail order bride" prejudice. His meeting story reads "sex tour" and he will have to get past anembassy officer who determines if she can get a visa to come as his fiance or wife.

 

If he wishes to pursue the relationship he needs to steady himself and know what he is about to face.

[singletravelerguy]

I found this interesting report at A Foreign Affair. It is an immigration report that shows that by marrying a foreign woman you have more than twice the chance of staying married than if you marry an American woman. Here in Scottsdale AZ the divorce rate is 70% and according to the US government the divorce rate with foreign women is less than 20%. Do the math! Marrying an American woman you have a 250% greater chance of getting divorced. Almost three times!

 

To see report go to: http://www.loveme.com/information/immigration.htm#Report

[taiko]

In the gay marraige debate the sactity of marraige is often laughed at for stuff like Brittany Spear's marraiges. When marrying a foriegner two governements are invovled protecting both the couple and the remainder of society.

 

To get through the journey is more invovled then just flying to Vegas. You have to prove a relationship before she can even enter the country legally even if you are already married.

[Blue Phoenix]

--"If a guy percieves a hot young chick is what he desires most and it is obviously not going to happen unless in a foreign country, then I say do what you must do to satisfy your mind"-- Yes and I do as well but if that realy is the case then dont whine and cry that you couldent find a gf you could you chose not too because you wanted miss universe thats all im saying now far as this thread being a disgrace I think not were all shareing our seprate ideas and thoughts on a cirtin subject I read most of the posts here and I dont rember any one calling every russen women a prostitute but I do know that in those areas SOME and I am saying some of the women are very open minded to the idea of useing these american guys to make there life easer and in a way I supose the guys are useing them to a degree so if you would deny that then you would be the narrow minded one far as the global tribe idea yes I do agree with that because I have delt with it first hand I am a american women and have found myself in relashionships with men from other countrys not by choise I dident seek them out it just happned that way and I had americans say stuff like why cant you find a guy over here I had ive also dated american guys so yes that dose happen.

[Blue Phoenix]

--"Do the math! Marrying an American woman you have a 250% greater chance of getting divorced"-- Yes that may be true I think its because we as Americans are one of the most free thinking countrys in the world. Example a man mistreats and is rude to his wife in some countrys shes some what expected to except that sort of thing. Maybe so as to not have the stigma of divorce attached to her. But in America we are taut not to tolarate that type of behaviour at all no mater what. Also I think that we are some times too quick to toss aside relashionships. Before actualy giveing it a honest attempt to fix the probs divorce and breakup are some times the easey out.. I supose in the end its a combo of free thinking and being some what self senterd.

[RecordProducer]

we have talked about her moving to the states and she’s ok with it.

Lately, I have started to think about popping the question once she

Or is it that you think she will have a hard time adapting to America and she’ll just feel like going back to Russia because of homesickness and stuff?

She is OK with it?!?! She will feel like going back to Russia?

 

You fool! She joined an agency that finds American men for Russian girls - the only goal she had was/is to move to the United states. The only question is: regardless of her obvious purpose, is she really in love with you or is she just using you for the green card?

 

I married an American man and moved to the United States. I did want to move anywhere, cuz I was very unhappy in my country, which was Serbia. I am not even Serbian. I hated everything about it. The economic situation there was the least significant thing, it was the people that I couldn't stand, the lawlessness, the treatment women would get from men (a woman is a second-class citizen on the Balkans). I didn't date ANYONE there, my ex-husband left me with two children, I felt alone in a desert.

 

So I decided to look for happiness elsewhere. But by no means did I want to be stuck with someone I didn't love. I truly believed that I have qualities to find the right man for me, to fall in love and marry for love, not for the green card. And I did fall in love.

 

So my point is - since she is gorgeous and smart, she can choose and she might genuinely love you. But she might just be one of the many Russian girls who just look for a victim to bring them over. It's your job to determine what the case is with her. I wouldn't just write her off, because of the fear that she MIGHT not be sincere. But I would find a way to test her.

 

Here's an idea: send an American friend of yours (pay for his ticket and hotel) to go to her city and approach her in the street or a night club. Let him tell her that he is American, loves Russian women, and wants to marry one. If she agrees to date him... well you'll have your answer. If she tells him that she is in love with her American boyfriend, she is sincere. Knowing the truth will be worth every penny of the couple thousand dollars you would spend on the test trip for the guy.

 

I know this is a dirty trick, but the alternative is for you to bring her over and take the risk of being dumped once she gets her green card. And that will cost much more. Besides, if she turns out to be sincere, the peace of mind you will have that this girl truly loves you is - priceless.

 

You can also check if she is a member of some dating sites and test her directly there from a made up profile.

 

How is her English?

[RecordProducer]

I find it bad taste to call every eastern european woman a prostiture speaks of ignorance and narrow - mindness.

Honey, I too am a south-eastern European woman. They are not talking about ALL women, only about the ones who want to marry guys that they would normally never date just so they can come to the United States. They certainly are not prostitutes. I feel sorry for them. The economic situation in their countries is forcing them to marry someone they don't love just to escape from their misery and have a better future for themselves and for their children.

 

I was adamant about finding a man with whom I would fall in love, but not all women have the strength and faith in their qualities to believe that they CAN choose. Life has slapped them many times and they feel desperate so they grab whatever they can. I also got spolied, cuz I had guys being very interested in me, really good guys, and I decided that I can really choose. I didn't settle down for anyone until I met the right guy. But how many of those poor Russian women think like this? Probably very few. Most of them are victoms of their society and would sacrifice their happiness in love for a better life for their kids. I saw a show about it two days ago and these women didn't hide the reasons for their marriages - better life. They were married for years and had new children with their American husbands. So they didn't marry them just to divorce them and use them. They genuinely love them, but it's not the real love, the passionate one that they probably crave.

 

I am the kind of person that couldn't live for one day with someone I don't love. I am a wild animal. I told my brother-in-law a couple weeks ago that I don't wanna see him ever again. And he lives next door and he is my husband's twin brother! I just can't stand anyone who treats me badly. Now he can't come to his own brother's house anymore. And my husband didn't say a word to me. I also told hubby that I don't wannna see his dad or his step-mother cuz they openly ignore me and show me that they think I am no good. And same with my sister-in-law and their daughters. If I don't like someone, I ditch them. I can't take somebody's sh*t for too long.

 

My point is: I certainly wouldn't live with someone I can't stand. And I certainly can't sleep with someone I don't love. I was molested as a child and I have a lot of anger inside me about submitting myself to a piece of sh*t against my will and desire. I would rather starve to death and die alone than be somebody's sex slave. Or any kind of slave for that matter. And in a marriage, you either love to death or you hate to death. There is no middle ground.

 

My husband tried to impose his "authority" over me, cuz he thought he's in a better position so I should take all his crap without protest and obey him. I told him: I didn't marry you for you to be my master, I married you cuz I loved you. I am not going to take your crap and obey you, you can threaten me and blackmail me as much as you want. I can love you or hate you depending on how you treat me - YOU choose what you prefer.

 

So that's the other side of the medal. My husband seems to understand that he didn't buy me and he can't use my current helpless position to make me obedient. Hopefully he appreciates my sincerety and genuine love for him. But not all women have the energy, stamina, and self-respect to stand up for themselves. Most of them would put up with anything out of fear for their status and well-being.

 

Altogether I am really lucky. He does treat me with respect and love and loves my sons very much. The only problems we've had is that he doesn't accept criticism and when I start an argument about something that I don't like about our marriage, he doesn't want to work on the problem. However, I've heard that foreign girls have taken physical abuse from their husbands. And they can't do anything about it until they have their status resolved. Now that's really tragic.

[taiko]

She is OK with it?!?! She will feel like going back to Russia?

 

You fool! She joined an agency that finds American men for Russian girls - the only goal she had was/is to move to the United states. The only question is: regardless of her obvious purpose, is she really in love with you or is she just using you for the green card?

 

I married an American man and moved to the United States. I did want to move anywhere, cuz I was very unhappy in my country, which was Serbia. I am not even Serbian. I hated everything about it. The economic situation there was the least significant thing, it was the people that I couldn't stand, the lawlessness, the treatment women would get from men (a woman is a second-class citizen on the Balkans). I didn't date ANYONE there, my ex-husband left me with two children, I felt alone in a desert.

 

So I decided to look for happiness elsewhere. But by no means did I want to be stuck with someone I didn't love. I truly believed that I have qualities to find the right man for me, to fall in love and marry for love, not for the green card. And I did fall in love.

 

So my point is - since she is gorgeous and smart, she can choose and she might genuinely love you. But she might just be one of the many Russian girls who just look for a victim to bring them over. It's your job to determine what the case is with her. I wouldn't just write her off, because of the fear that she MIGHT not be sincere. But I would find a way to test her.

 

Here's an idea: send an American friend of yours (pay for his ticket and hotel) to go to her city and approach her in the street or a night club. Let him tell her that he is American, loves Russian women, and wants to marry one. If she agrees to date him... well you'll have your answer. If she tells him that she is in love with her American boyfriend, she is sincere. Knowing the truth will be worth every penny of the couple thousand dollars you would spend on the test trip for the guy.

 

I know this is a dirty trick, but the alternative is for you to bring her over and take the risk of being dumped once she gets her green card. And that will cost much more. Besides, if she turns out to be sincere, the peace of mind you will have that this girl truly loves you is - priceless.

 

You can also check if she is a member of some dating sites and test her directly there from a made up profile.

 

How is her English?

 

Thr problem with checking up on her is that she is still on the sites. J Field has not formalized their relationship. He is thinking maybe we live together which is not an option, unless she is trying to get him to front her bond so she can get a tourist visa in which case he should run.

 

The cold hard facts are that with everyday which passes shje becomes less desierable because of age, the possibility of local boyfriend impregnanting her etc. So until a guy either marries her and starts the K-3 or gets engaged and starts the K-1 visa process she has to keep her options open to a serious man coming around.

 

It is up to J, he must search his own soul and thrust his gut and any follow-up trip should be his and not an amature PI he hires.

[RecordProducer]

Taiko, with all respect, I asked him, not you, if she is still on the dating sites, so please don't speak for him. Besides, if she is still catching guys on dating sites after a year of relationship then it's not serious at all. You sound like you know a lot about K visas. I was in a LDR relationship for a year and a half with my husband and we took our profiles off after 3 months after we first met. I wanted to take them off immediately and HE was the one who didn't want to be exclusive. I was ready to close all my opportunities the day I met him.

 

About trusting your guts... your guts need some solid information in order to develop the gut feeling that you can rely on.

[Guest]

Can it work out? Yes. But its going to take alot of work obviously. Visiting and having fun, talking on the phone just isn't the same as real day to day life. Bills gotta be paid, house cleaned, jobs, children not to mention her getting used to a new country. She's going to get homesick especially with no family around.

 

In other words let her see how life is really going to be before you pop the question. You both might decide you want to make a go of it or you might not. Let her come visit first. Maybe 6 months with an agreement at the end of that time you both will decide what's the next step. Living together changes everything. So go slow. There's no hurry.

 

Best of luck to you.

[Sweetie2007]

Hi

 

I am on my mid-forties, I had not been lucky when it comes to relationships, I have been on a couple of healthy relationships in the past, but for some reason they never worked out.

For quite a while, after breaking up with my former girl, I know it sounds corny, but I started to lose faith in love. So, as a way of letting go and also having a good time, this friend of mine told me about taking one of these tours to Russia which are so popular these days, because I’d meet beautiful women, so he kind of talked me into it, therefore with nothing left to lose (except for a couple of bucks), I went on this tour, and indeed I met this death-gorgeous, smart and sincere gal, we just simply clicked after meeting each other, we had the best time together while I was in Russia, and ever since I came back to the states we kept in touch almost every day by phone, chat, and e-mails,. I know it's hard to have long distance relationship, but she’s definitely worth it, plus I go to Russia every time I can.

 

I am very serious with her, we’re on a one-year relationship now, we have talked about her moving to the states and she’s ok with it.

Lately, I have started to think about popping the question once she moves in, of course she doesn’t know about it.

So here are my concerns:

Do you think I am rushing into things? Or should I just go for it and ask her to marry me?

Do you think it would work? You know, my being American and her being Russian? Or is it that you think she will have a hard time adapting to America and she’ll just feel like going back to Russia because of homesickness and stuff?

 

Any piece of advice would be very appreciated.

 

I've been in an international relationship myself for just over 2 years, and it has worked, so far. My boyfriend and I met at the end of 2004, and he came over to the states in the summer of 2005, now I am in Germany, where he lives, for 3 months. It has worked out great for us, instant messenger, webcams, mic's for voice, all of that. I will say though, it is hard to think of moving to a foreign country. Your girlfriend has a great advantage if she speaks English, I came to Germany not knowing any more than a few words of German, a phrase or two. I thought that maybe, if I learned the language quickly, adapted to the atmosphere, exc. exc. that I might be able to set up some plans for moving here... let me tell you it was a lot different once I was here and thinking about that. Of course that was going to be a suprise for my boyfriend, he had no idea of my plans, and now that I'm doubting them I don't think I will tell him. What I'm getting at is..that maybe you should make sure your girlfriend is comfortable in the states, before you pop the question. Spend a few months together, get things in order, and make sure she's really happy, because it would only hurt both of you if you asked, and she said she wasn't sure.

 

That's my opinion...hope it was helpful...

[taiko]

Can it work out? Yes. But its going to take alot of work obviously. Visiting and having fun, talking on the phone just isn't the same as real day to day life. Bills gotta be paid, house cleaned, jobs, children not to mention her getting used to a new country. She's going to get homesick especially with no family around.

 

In other words let her see how life is really going to be before you pop the question. You both might decide you want to make a go of it or you might not. Let her come visit first. Maybe 6 months with an agreement at the end of that time you both will decide what's the next step. Living together changes everything. So go slow. There's no hurry.

 

Best of luck to you.

Problem is that she is Russian and she can not get a visitor visa as women from other nations are able to. The US consul investigators starting point is that Russians will be an illegal alien so she will have to prove ties to Russia just to get a tourist visa. By ties I mean she leaves her child behind in Russia as a bond and she owns a lot of real estate and is among the Russian elite so she has a reason to want to go back.

 

The only way she gets in to "test" is as a fiance and that is only 90 days. The couple will have to prove to the officer at the US embassy/consulate and the customs and immigration officers in the US that they are life partners and have known no greater love before they will issue the visa.

 

One more thing the clock is ticking. Wait too long and you will have to make another trip to Russia before you even file for a visa.

[Guest]

When you decide to bring this girl here, you need to understand that YOU must file the paper work for her Visa which will be a K-1 visa. when she arrives you will have 90 days to decide to marry or not, if not them she Must return. The Visa process will take about 6 month to process.

Thanks

Johnny