HurtingDeeply Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 My LDR boyfriend and I have been together for almost three and a half years. We've had ups and downs alot throughout our relationship for example, he's cheated twice and didn't tell me until a year afterwards..it's gotten so frustrating that I've nearly broken up with him twice..and tried to, but when it came right down to it I just couldn't. He keeps promising he'll change..and so far I thought he had until lies have started popping up again. For example, he has tons of those hawiian necklaces and the first time I asked him about it he couldn't remember where it was from..that he thought maybe his mom gave it to him or something..then later they came up in a conversation again because I got one from a wedding reception recently. Then he said "yea I got that from a party" Well, fine but why couldn't he just tell me that earlier? He hides EVERYTHING..and I'd be cool about it if he just told the TRUTH..because if he's going to lie about little things like that, then I don't believe him on ANYTHING! He lied when he met a girl at the gym and had sex with her twice & oral once..they went to a concert and blah blah blah...He lied when he cheated on me at spring break..and I think it went waaaayy further then what he told me it did..( he said he asked if a girl woul dlmake out with him but she said no..um, please) he has done hard-core drugs at parties before and gone to strip clubs before..all throughout our relationship! But he didn't choose to tell me until a year or longer afterwards. and then just yesterday he spent FIVE and half hours at the "Vet" getting shots for his cat..and then later on we were talking about a song and he said oh yea that's the one we danced to when....I mean that's the one that was played at my aunts um..wedding! and stuttered...and I didn't go to his aunts' wedding but I do remember feeling suspicious that he was cheating around that time. Also, there was this girl from his organization in college that I was suspicious about and recently she has come back in conversations that made me stop and think; like his grandmother said after he hung up from a phone call" oh is that that girl from your club at school calling u again??" and he's like ummmmmm...nooooo and looked at the floor and I asked him later about how his grandma knew who she was and he said she gave him a ride home one day or something ...it didn't add up at all. Honestly, i can't say all the lies that have been told throughout this relationship; but it's an ungodly amount and I just don't trust him anymore..is this worth fixing to you? Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 No, I guess I have one question..why are you still with him? He is getting away with his lying because you still put up with it. I gurantee that he will keep lying as long as you are with him. And if you read my posts, I am not usually so "pessimistic" but here I think it is reality. One thing about men...they put on their best behavior before marriage. Is this the best you can expect? So, WHY are you with him? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 No, I guess I have one question..why are you still with him? He is getting away with his lying because you still put up with it. I gurantee that he will keep lying as long as you are with him. And if you read my posts, I am not usually so "pessimistic" but here I think it is reality. One thing about men...they put on their best behavior before marriage. Is this the best you can expect? So, WHY are you with him? I totally agree - this guy is just going to keep lying and lying and lying about other girls. Have you been tested for STD's? You might want to make an appointment since you honestly have no idea who he's been with and what he's up to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtingDeeply Posted January 30, 2007 Author Share Posted January 30, 2007 I totally agree - this guy is just going to keep lying and lying and lying about other girls. Have you been tested for STD's? You might want to make an appointment since you honestly have no idea who he's been with and what he's up to. Yea, I've been tested for syphillus, HIV, Gonnoreah, and HPV..at first the nurse thought I may have HPV but it came back normal. I'm healthy, they were all negative. And I don't know why I am still with him..when our relationship is put all out there, it truly is terrible! But, there is another side to it where I'm his queen and it's all heaven. Odd, I know. But it's true. I start college in the fall that's one positive thing about this entire experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Darla Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 he is lying toooo much. My bf lies and I usually catch him and his lies are ruining the relationship. But we have had plenty of talks on how important it is for honesty. he always said it but didnt stick with it, and lied even though he thought honesty was important. Now I never caught him cheating on me, the fact your man has that many times. I think its not worth it. You deserve a guy who will treat you like the queen ALWAYS. And not be tempted by other girls or give into lust. 3 years is a lot of memories, but u keep forgiving him for cheating, thats more than just a lie thats dishonest, unloyal, and putting your physical health at risk for a std. Since chlamydia can be a std that you will not know u even have it because the symptoms are often not noticable, I'd constantly be paranoid. Its hard to trust someone who has made that many mess ups I know. Especially if you love t he guy its hard to let him go, but does he really love you? Thats whats important. I've felt unrequited love before, and I pray thats not the case for you, but if he is throwing u around and using u, and saying whatever he thinks u wanna hear all the time, and not being honest, you deserve better -Darla Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 When the bad outweighs the good, it's time to think about ending it. The good doesn't last as long and the bad really hurts. Sometime soon you'll see this and realize you can do better. Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 This is the perfect time to move on...right before you start college. It seems like the cons outweigh any pros in this relationship. And I don't think you can "fix" a pathological liar. Also, you can do far better than a guy who does hard core drugs and probably cheats. There are some flaws worth tolerating, but those aren't two of them. Get out while you can...then look forward to enjoying college and meeting tons of new people! Yea, I've been tested for syphillus, HIV, Gonnoreah, and HPV..at first the nurse thought I may have HPV but it came back normal. I'm healthy, they were all negative. And I don't know why I am still with him..when our relationship is put all out there, it truly is terrible! But, there is another side to it where I'm his queen and it's all heaven. Odd, I know. But it's true. I start college in the fall that's one positive thing about this entire experience. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Long distance relationships are hard at the best of times & with the best intentions by both parties. Yours is doomed. Unless of course you are OK with lying & cheating, then by all means, carry on. Link to post Share on other sites
bumblebee1 Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Very similar things happened to me with my boyfriend in year 2 and 3 of our relationship. When times were good they were very good, but when times were bad they were very very bad. I can't tell you the number of times I stayed awake waiting for him to come home, or wonder why he wasn’t picking up his phone, or the times I caught him lying. As far as I know my boyfriend has only cheated once, but I believe that it has been more than just that one time. It ate away at me for a long time, not knowing... I eventually had to get over it... because I decided I was going to stay with him, and in making that decision I had to forgive & move on for the better of the relationship. I've read a few of your other posts, and I can definitely relate to you. Like I said, these things happened in the 2nd and 3rd year of our relationship, and we just celebrated our 7 year anniversary in September. We've both grown up a lot, and I think that he "grew out" of his deceitful ways. Some men never do. I'm not trying to encourage you to stay with him, or break it off. Just listen to your heart, it will tell you what to do. My heart told me to stay with him, and try to make it work. Long distance relationships are also hard. I was in one with him 4 times... 1st time was when we first met we lived in different states, 2nd time was once when I moved away because of a breakup and we ended up getting back together but I couldn't afford to move back with him. 3rd time was when I went away to a live-in school for 8 months (but we saw each other every weekend). And the 3rd time was when I lived with my mom last year for about 3 months to help take care of her while she was dying. I know how hard LDR can be. If the good outweighs the bad, that is a positive thing. But try not to base your decision just off of that... Even if the good outweighs the bad, if you are spending a lot of time hurting, and obsessing, and angry, etc etc.... when do you find time to really enjoy your relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
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