LisaR Posted October 7, 2002 Share Posted October 7, 2002 This is driving me nuts! I feel ok for awhile, then it is all I can do not to email him, or try to call on the phone, or worse still go see him. I know it has only been 6 days, but it is making me crazy. How long is this urge to get ahold of him going to last? I miss him. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 7, 2002 Share Posted October 7, 2002 I don't know the circumstances but when there's a breakup, this urge lasts for a short while and diminishes over time. There is no purpose or reason to contact him. You have to stop things at some point. When you've taken a friendship or a relationship as far as it will go, you need to pull back and head in another direction. Especially when you have given the relationship sufficient chances and it hasn't worked out, there is simply no purpose to keeping going with it. Doing so wastes valuable time you could be spending on yourself and eventually finding the right person for your life. When you make up your mind that you will give no power to this guy to affect you in any way, you will feel stronger and you'll have absolutely no desire to talk to him. So why are you giving him this power over you??? That is not something you should ever give up to anybody!!! Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted October 7, 2002 Share Posted October 7, 2002 It could last awhile, so be prepared. The best thing to do is when you get the urge to call him, call one of your friends or your mom or a sibling or anyone other than him to get it out of your system. If you get the urge to e-mail, go ahead and write up that e-mail in a word document, but DON'T SEND IT. It just takes time. The urges may be there for awhile, but my view is that if you ignore them completely, then it all builds up and all of a sudden you end up with a crazy urge and break down and end up contacting the guy. It's better to just sort of go with the flow, but don't let him know! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted October 8, 2002 Share Posted October 8, 2002 Hey Lisa Be strong here, this is something you have to do. Keep reminding yourself that he does not miss you and that you deserve a new start with someone who will want you in his life. If you keep getting out and doing things it will divert your attention a bit, then a bit more. It just happens with time and there is nothing you can do right now ..you just have to go through it. But you will be so much stronger and better off. Oliver Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted October 8, 2002 Share Posted October 8, 2002 VERY true Oliver... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LisaR Posted October 9, 2002 Author Share Posted October 9, 2002 I saw him once again today, and this time I quickly headed in the other direction, but he looks sad and tired. He sent me an email last night that was nice, but it sounded like a farewell email. This is so hard. It reminds me of how I felt when my mother died. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflyz Posted October 10, 2002 Share Posted October 10, 2002 you need to care about YOU. breaking the relationship habit, is best done quickly and clean. the urge will be there for a while, so start getting busy. do whatever you have to do , to not be by the phone or computer. go the movies, shopping, get your hair cut, etc. you'll be okay - the first month is hell. then...it's all downhill. just remember...he is an "ex" for a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LisaR Posted October 11, 2002 Author Share Posted October 11, 2002 I ended up once again stopping in to see him in his office. He wasn't happy to see me, told me it is over for good, and asked me to leave and never stop to see him again. For awhile after I felt better, ready to move on with life, convinced myself that he is right, but this morning I am back to freaking out mode. I am in counselling (only went once) and I keep thinking if I learn to calm down maybe he will want to date me again. I feel like I will be alone for the rest of my life because I cannot imagine a time coming where I am interested in another man. Also, I do not even know how to go about dating at my age (29). I am on a college campus, and the only guys around are way too young. I am tired of feeling so scared and hopeless. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted October 11, 2002 Share Posted October 11, 2002 Ok listen, the urge to talk to him will last a long time. In fact, I've been told by some that it NEVER goes away. Sometimes, I still miss my ex husband, and he's engaged. I've found that once you get past the missing him and aching for him every day, it will come in spurts. You'll hear a song, drive past a restaurant....I mean these things happen to people every day. The thing I would suggest you do, is think about how he coldy rejected you in his office. And think about what all you went through, and how you probably feel betrayed by a shot down like that. Just think about how he's a jerk or something....if you take your mind off how "great" he is, and start looking at reality....you'll feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
Amneris Posted October 20, 2002 Share Posted October 20, 2002 Lisa, this guy sounds like a real loser with huge issues. The way he broke up with you was cold and heartless and in my books would be totally unforgivable. The fact that he could just drop you like a hot potatoe like that is inhuman. This is not a real man with human feelings. A possible way to curtail your urge to contact him is to imagine him in 20 years, as an old, lonely man with no family. Perhaps this might make you feel better. Think about what a pathtic person he is, then think how much of a warmer person you are. Try to pity him. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflyz Posted October 21, 2002 Share Posted October 21, 2002 by the way he told you to leave and never return? you can't change his feelings only he can. you behave how ever you want to behave, it will not change his heart. that's why the best thing to do is walk away. i've made the mistake of thinking i could reason with people when they were not to be reasoned with. 29 is still a good age to meet people. you might try going outside of your comfort zone and meet people through hobbies or interest groups (ski clubs, hiking, theatre, sports,etc) or if you are religiously inclined you could meet there. in any case, you'll be fine, you just need to redirect your efforts. this guy is not the end all be all. everyone falls in love again. you don't think so at the time, but you do. Link to post Share on other sites
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