After all these years, should I try again?

[egg]

I find myself in a situation that probably most do at some point in their life.

 

I have been having vivid dreams about my highschool sweetheart lately. It's been bothering me and I was wondering if I should talk to her about them.

 

To give a brief history about us, we dated in highschool, I was a senior and she was a sophmore. I graduated in 96 and we broke up in 97. It was ugly. So we stopped talking for a while and then after a couple of months we started talking again. We did this a couple of times - lose contact and pick it up again. One time she even moved in with me for about 4 months, but it didn't work out. We became better friends in the long run but kind of forgot about or gave up on staying intimate. Now were to the point of contacting each other at least once a month to just say hi and whatever. We both have changed and grown a lot since our younger days as we should, I'm almost 25 now and she's 23.

 

Ok so you might think I still have feelings for her and what not, yeah I might. I do care for her a lot still and want to make sure she's doing good - after all she is my first love. I am over the break up and moved on a long time ago. When we do hang out which isn't all that often, It's not like I am trying to make a move on her or anything, it's more like we're buddies. We don't ever even bring up our past relationship. Although I do let her know every once in a while that she still is special to me, but it's not flirty or romantic.

 

Well at least I thought I was over her, until she told me a couple of months ago she got engaged. It blew me away. I told her that I was happy for her (cause I met her boyfriend and he seems to be a cool dude) but at the same time I am sad for myself, I don't know why I said that, but it just came out that way. I told her that I could explain myself but at the time it wasn't the right time. So now she's been constantly on my mind and in my dreams. The dreams are not sexual, just us together as a couple.

 

I don't really want to tell her cause I think it's just me being selfish or something stupid like that. People have asked me if I'd ever date her again and I thought I wouldn't, but now I'm thinking that I would. I know she cares for me a lot and my family as I do her and her family. We know each other very well and always can pick up right where we left off.

 

Should I do something or just ignore it? And if I do something what should I do? Thanks for your help.

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "Should I do something or just ignore it? And if I do something what should I do?"

 

Do something??? Ignore what???

 

This lady's engaged to be married!!! What that means is she has met the man she feels she wants to spend the rest of her life with. Deal with it, accept it, and my advice to you is that you ought to forget her. She's out of circulation, there is no possiblity for the two of you to be together now and it would be highly inappropriate for you to make any kind of approach. You would make a total fool of yourself by doing so.

 

The feelings you are having now are perfectly normal but they will pass in a very short amount of time. It's just an odd feeling sometimes when a person you cared about in the past...or present...get's engaged. But it's a very temporary feeling and goes once you've accepted it.

 

Forget this lady. She is in the past. Just consider it was not meant to be and move on.

 

This love stuff is all a matter of timing and your timing with her wasn't right. But the next time you meet a lady you feel you would like to spend the rest of your life with, handle the relationship delicately and make your feelings known.

 

I promise you, there are many ladies out there who would be perfect for you...but your engaged is IS NOT ONE OF THEM!!!

[Dragonflys]

Agree with Tony...

 

This will pass, and from what you say, it seems that you are more sad about the loss of a close friend than you are about romantic prospects. Sometimes we meet people we really click with at a friendship level and when that is threatened all these pseudo romantic feelings come up.

I think personally if you get to know the guy and her together and gain both their trust you can have a healthy friendship in the future with her. It will help you accept and get back to rational thinking.

 

Get out and date other girls too..like Tony said, there are others who will be just as suitable.

 

Oliver

[egg]

Alright Guys

Thanks for your advice, consider it done. It's already out of my mind. I figured that I should let it go, but wanted a different angle first. I feel better too about the whole thing, cause I really didn't want to have to say something and how to do it. Now I won't have too!! Thanks again!!!

egg

[Ally Boo]

You would only be adding more complication to both of your lives. They are happy, and you should be happy for them. It's not uncommon that you'd suddenly be hit with some emotions like that. But, it's not fair to anyone if you were to act on these feelings. Be happy for her and him, keep your friendship with each other, and buy them a cool wedding gift!