BedRoomVoice Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 I talked to him about not talking about his wife and family life anymore. He is upset that I dont want to talk about his life. He said he doesnt want to have restriction on the relationship. I dont know what to do. I feel so horrible for making him feel like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Kathleen Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 You should not be feeling sorry for making him feel anything. I don't even know how or what to say about this situation. Are you in it only for the sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 He is upset that I dont want to talk about his life. I feel so horrible for making him feel like that. First off.. you are not his therapist.. and secondly don't take responsibility for his feelings.. those are his feelings. "You are responsible for what you do and say and they are responsible for how they react to it " Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 I second what art said. You are not his therapist and it's really not a good idea to take on this role in the context of a romantic relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BedRoomVoice Posted January 30, 2007 Author Share Posted January 30, 2007 He said when I come back to my senses he will be over. I am not in it only for sex. Why do people keep asking me that? I like having sex with him sure. But I feel so horrible. I think i should just say I am sorry and let him tell me whatever he wants from now on. Link to post Share on other sites
Kathleen Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 OMG this is not a funny situation but I am lmfao. Are you really serious??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BedRoomVoice Posted January 30, 2007 Author Share Posted January 30, 2007 Should I ask him to forgive me? I cant go without seeing him today Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 But I feel so horrible. I think i should just say I am sorry and let him tell me whatever he wants from now on. It must be easy to bully you into submission. If you want to roll over and let him do whatever he wants, it's no problem for me. But that might make the situation intolerable for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BedRoomVoice Posted January 30, 2007 Author Share Posted January 30, 2007 You seem like a very bitter person. If you cant help in a situtation then you shouldnt post. You have to be in this type of relationship to understand. OMG this is not a funny situation but I am lmfao. Are you really serious??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BedRoomVoice Posted January 30, 2007 Author Share Posted January 30, 2007 What do you mean submission? I dont get into S&M And I am not talking about sex anyway. It must be easy to bully you into submission. If you want to roll over and let him do whatever he wants, it's no problem for me. But that might make the situation intolerable for you. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Should I ask him to forgive me? I cant go without seeing him today You sound like an addict. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 What do you mean submission? I dont get into S&M And I am not talking about sex anyway. I'm not talking about sex. He's emotionally manipulating you. Can't you see that? Link to post Share on other sites
Kathleen Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 You seem like a very bitter person. If you cant help in a situtation then you shouldnt post. You have to be in this type of relationship to understand. I am not bitter by any means. I am trying to help but I'm having a hard time understanding how someone could treat you this way. I am sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 I think i should just say I am sorry and let him tell me whatever he wants from now on. These are not the words of someone who is emotionally healthy.. Have you thought about seeing a counselor ? I'm not trying to be rude but putting the affair asside it sounds like you are in need of some professional help.. Link to post Share on other sites
Romeo Must Die Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Whose your Daddy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BedRoomVoice Posted January 30, 2007 Author Share Posted January 30, 2007 I havent seen that. I just thought he was being open with his life to me. This is all so new to me. Could he be doing that to me? I'm not talking about sex. He's emotionally manipulating you. Can't you see that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BedRoomVoice Posted January 30, 2007 Author Share Posted January 30, 2007 That is not a question in my situtation. I dont have a father. I was adopted and I dont know my real parents. But what does this have to do with anything I feel people like you and Kathleen are making fun of me. Whose your Daddy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BedRoomVoice Posted January 30, 2007 Author Share Posted January 30, 2007 I was in therapy but since I only have an HMO my insurance ran out. I tried looking for a support group. I googled OW and found Loveshack These are not the words of someone who is emotionally healthy.. Have you thought about seeing a counselor ? I'm not trying to be rude but putting the affair asside it sounds like you are in need of some professional help.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 He is upset that I dont want to talk about his life. He said he doesnt want to have restriction on the relationship. To him, his wife IS his life. All you have to do is mention to him that you don't want to hear about what she does or doesn't do in the bedroom...The rest of the time if he talks about her, well - Either accept it or end it with him. I guess it's part of being involved with a MM, conversations about his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Romeo Must Die Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 That is not a question in my situtation. I dont have a father. I was adopted and I dont know my real parents. But what does this have to do with anything I feel people like you and Kathleen are making fun of me. Not me! But Kathleen has been known as a troublemaker. LOL I would be careful around her if I were you. Just warning you in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
NearlyThere Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 To him, his wife IS his life. All you have to do is mention to him that you don't want to hear about what she does or doesn't do in the bedroom...The rest of the time if he talks about her, well - Either accept it or end it with him. I guess it's part of being involved with a MM, conversations about his wife. You beat me to it!!!! I was just about to say the same thing. If your involved with a MM, then of course he is going to mention his life to you and as his wife is in it, the chances are she will be mentioned. However there is a vast difference between his W being mentioned as to what they do in the bedroom. Just tell him that!!!. Personally I think that goes for whether its a W, or not, I dont really want to know how any of my ex's rogered their girlfriens. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Bottomline - This guy is married and you're settling for table scraps - What he gives you isn't enough. You deserve to be with a man who you can talk to whenever you want, see whenever you want and have the love be returned. It just seems very onesided, atleast in your situation. The MM has too much control over you, and you're allowing him to pull your strings. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Forgive me for cutting and pasting , but I just posted this to a betrayed spouse on another forum, and thought maybe it would illustrate to you WHY there's a down-side when communciations are limited. Bear in mind that the post isn't directed at you, although I did remember your thread when I wrote it, even so... not all of it will be pertinent. Bear in mind that the status quo the OW must achieve is almost impossible to maintain. The EMR is based on rivalry to a large degree. She's stuck in a postion where she's called upon to not only meet the ENs that you were fulfilling for him... but to improve upon them and keep it that way. "If you (the wife) be THAT... then I (the mistress) must be THIS". Any complaint that he might have had about you, is now hers to address. So, if he told her you were a bitch and you never 'put out', she can never be a bitch and must ALWAYS 'put out'. Tough job. I wouldn't want it. Only 1-3% of affairs result in long-term relationships. One of the reasons for that is because over the course of time, the OW/OM can't keep the fantasy elements of the relationship alive. Reality intrudes. In the beginning, the OW only had to be more exciting than the known entity... YOU. But now, as distance makes his heart grow fonder, she has to work harder. What's worse, when it's not only you to compete against... she competes for his attention with EVERY woman he thinks he's man enough to get. And dude... he's a free man again, so he's bound to look. Meanwhile back at the ranch, we tend to remember the good things about a person. Yeah, to some degree out of sight is out of mind... but there are always little reminders. Maybe he'll miss your spaghetti sauce and find hers lacking, or he'll hear a song on the radio that reminds him of you and better days. After awhile, it ends up being YOU that sets the bar for other women. And as time goes by and he experiences nostalgia in his memories, the bar gets higher. For her part, she's enslaved by the same behaviors that enticed him to join her in a relationship. So, if she's not giving him what he wants whenever he wants it... she's not living up to the promise their relationship is based on. That means sex on demand and whatever kind he wants, so she better not have been bullsh*tting him about how much she LOVES blowjobs. She can't b*tch, nag, or complain. Her kids can't drive him crazy, talk back, or lose his tools. Etc. etc. etc. I know you've seen threads in the OM/OW forum, but look at them again and see how some of these girls are turning themselves inside out trying to please a MM. Can you imagine trying to sustain that energy over the course of YEARS? Hell, I just saw a thread in there last night where this OW is worried about telling the MM she doesn't want to hear the details about sex with his wife. She's afraid it might negatively affect his ability to tell her "anything". Imagine how that's going to be later on down the pike... when he's able to communicate his thoughts on any subject, but she has to limit hers to what she believes he's comfortable hearing. Anyway, odds are... your husband's affair WILL end. That said, you might not care about him anymore by the time it happens. Oftentimes, the betrayed spouse has already moved on and could give a rat's patootie less. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BedRoomVoice Posted January 30, 2007 Author Share Posted January 30, 2007 But he is my life. I asked him that. He told me that he wants to have an open communication and not have to watch what he says to me To him, his wife IS his life. All you have to do is mention to him that you don't want to hear about what she does or doesn't do in the bedroom...The rest of the time if he talks about her, well - Either accept it or end it with him. I guess it's part of being involved with a MM, conversations about his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Kathleen Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Not me! But Kathleen has been known as a troublemaker. LOL I would be careful around her if I were you. Just warning you in advance. I'm not a troublemaker. Come on now. Link to post Share on other sites
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