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Sick thoughts


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Ive posted a couple times on here. I was sexually abused between the ages of 4 - 8.

 

Last night I was trying to write a letter to the guy Ive been dating on and off for the last year and some months, telling him about my past. I really want him to know what happened. Hes really the only one I feel comfortable sharing the details with....

 

And seamlessly without thought my lettered turned into what I like him to do sexually to me. It just is so sick and twisted how engraved in my unconscious it is. Also, Ive never even shared this with my therapist, sometimes I imagine when Im having sex, its my dad. Which is soooo sick and I dont know how to stop it. Has anyone had any similar experiences? How do I distance myself from these thoughts?!?!

 

[ On a sidenote...Should I ask him first if he feels comfortable with me telling him? ]

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Well you need to see a therapist that specializes in child sexual abuse...if yours is just a regular one ask to be referred to a specialist.

 

And you should tell your therapist about your thoughts to find out how to get rid of them, don't blame yourself for having them it's your father's fault...

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You should certainly feel comfortable enough to tell your boyfriend about your abuse, but I'm afraid too many details (like picturing your dad, for instance) might be too much for him to stomach.

 

Make sure you talk to your therapist about this. There's no need to feel shy, guilty, ashamed about your feelings with your therapist. That is what the therapist is for! And like CardPlay3r suggested, make sure you're seeing someone who specializes in child sexual abuse.

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I would echo what the others here have said. At this point in your relationship with your boyfriend, you should be comfortable enough to tell him about your past, but be careful about going into too much detail.

 

You should only go into the details with your therapist and and let him/her help you with what to say (if anything) to your boyfriend.

 

By the way, it is your head, you are allowed to think of anything you want ;) Once you start dealing with your pain, it should get better.

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By the way, it is your head, you are allowed to think of anything you want ;) Once you start dealing with your pain, it should get better.

 

I agree. One way that I have found to be effective is to let the thought or scene play out. Try not to block it. In my experience, I found that the more I allowed myself to see the images of something that i abhored or that haunted me, the less intense they got until they finally left me. It was as if my fear fueled them.

 

Also, I think it is important for you to accept that having day visions or dreams does not mean you want these things to happen in real life. Having visions of your father having sex with you by no means you want this in real life.

 

Face the images, and they will dissipate.

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