GymnastJohnson Posted October 9, 2002 Share Posted October 9, 2002 My boyfriend of five months (our families have been friends since we were 9) and I had an unbelievably great relationship. We are both 23 and it was the first time in love for both of us. We are both intelligent, well-educated, well-traveled people and are quite capable for our age. He is six hours away because he is an Army General, but we still saw each other about three times a month. I was going to move there (because I finished college) December first. Last week, we went nearly the whole week without speaking because of my schedule (13 hour days). He called me last Wednesday night and told me he had to tell me something very important-several nights earlier, he had sex with another girl. Some girl who he met that night, a waitress at a bar, she gave him a ride home because he was drinking, but she brought him to her home instead. He's unbelievably sorry and would give anything to undo what he did. I told him my mind was made up-IT'S OVER! I have far too much anger and hurt. I'm content by myself but eventually, I'll move onto someone else and as it is to imagine someone else, it's even harder to imagine being with him. I feel humiliated because all of his friends know. I don't know if I should give the relationship a second chance. I want to cry when I think about the wonderful relationship we had, a friendship for many years and a romance for five months. If someone whose known me most of my life would do this to me, I guess any guy could do this to me. Link to post Share on other sites
beaker Posted October 9, 2002 Share Posted October 9, 2002 There's no need to give things another chance. Perhaps in some cases, but you've said you're content by yourself, so I don't see the problem. If you take him back you'll be constantly on edge, worrying if he'll repeat his misadventures. It will also send a signal that he can get away with that sort of behaviour, because regardless of whatever harsh words you have for him, whatever dire warnings you give him to "never do that again," the act of taking him back is all his primitive instincts will register. The chance he'll branch out on more "side-projects" will actually increase. The trust you used to have in him is gone, and given the distance between you a true rebuilding of that trust isn't possible. Also I should point out that the U.S. Army has no 23-year-old generals. Either that's a typo or you're dating a pathological liar. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted October 9, 2002 Share Posted October 9, 2002 This is the reason why I hate long distance relationships. Hey, at least he told you the truth..bc he REALLY didn't have to. A commitment is a commitment, but a hard dick has no conscience (so I'm told), and seeing him only 3 times a month doesn't quite cut it...although that is pretty good. You can't meet his needs with him there, and he can't meet yours with you where YOU are. If needs aren't being met...cheating happens. I wouldn't look at him as a bad person, you two just weren't able to meet each other's needs. And I think it says a lot that he actually told you. And who CARES what his friends think? Link to post Share on other sites
katybird Posted October 9, 2002 Share Posted October 9, 2002 I second what Beaker said... either you guys aren't 23, or he's not a General in the Army. That's the seventh level of officer rank, and at his age, there's no way he's above an o2, and 99% certainly he'd be an o1. The vast majority of officers in the military never reach o7. As for what you think you can tolerate with his infidelity... I'd say take your time and go with your gut. You would be a fool to simply say "OK, I'll give you another chance" just now. You're too angry, and you're nowhere able to trust him now. Maybe, after you've had some time to cool off, you can consider giving him another chance. If you took him back now, you'd be so angry and suspicious that you'd be miserable, and you'd be sending the message that such things are forgivable. It's not like you've been married for years and have children. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflyz Posted October 10, 2002 Share Posted October 10, 2002 he sounds a little on the selfish side - those who confess are doing it to cleanse themselves, not to be so wonderful to you betrayal sucks - bottom line. i know we all get horny. but, a guy who cheats....is a guy who cheats. some people (men and women) are just not monogamous. if i were in your shoes i wouldn't be able to trust again - some people, like katybird, might be able to erase the damage in their heart. if a person cheats, they don't value the relationship enough to not jeopardize it. you are 23 - you will meet many men with whom you will, hopefully, enjoy wonderful relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
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