spiritualpsb Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 hi. well i busted into my boyfriend's email and did find the girl who sent him the breast shots. i also found he has a profile on yahoo personals. i don't get this piece of sh**, why be with me if he is doing all this? it's not like we have sex either so it can't be for that. i just can't believe he did the personals thing. should i bring this info. to his attention? Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 hi. well i busted into my boyfriend's email and did find the girl who sent him the breast shots. i also found he has a profile on yahoo personals. i don't get this piece of sh**, why be with me if he is doing all this? it's not like we have sex either so it can't be for that. i just can't believe he did the personals thing. should i bring this info. to his attention? OHHHHHH... man do I know this one... "we" were trying to reconcile... and I logged into my yahoo personals page... (he was the cheater, not me, so I already had the account after we had separated, not that I was meeting people on it, but it was an ego boost at times) and low and behold, who shows up as my #1 match... HIM.... man did I bust his @$$!!! oh yea, that phone couldn't dial fast enough.... I now knew, once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater... good luck... I know it's so hard to get the whole "picture", but to have it right there in your face, I lost all feeling and my heart sunk looking at his face and profile... oh that was even worst.... "looking for a fun time"... UGH, my blood still boils thinking about it... a year later Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 should i bring this info. to his attention? What do you feel you need to do? He has already been communicating with an ex and getting breasts shots of her, so its probably not all that surprising he has an ad on a personnels site. I say either confront him, so he can hand you a line and justify himself, and then you can dump him. Or don't tell him you know, and just dump him, period. Link to post Share on other sites
woodyman Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I think this depends how you feel inside as to how you do it, but either way, I think that this relationship is over. I mean which do you choose, do you confront him, explain that you know about everything that has gone on, and watch him squirm as the total embarrassment and wonder comes into play as to your reason. Or...you don't say a thing, you know why you are doing it, but you say it is over and leave him to think about why that is (he knows full well because of what he has done, but he wont know that you know, and have known for this long). But either way, you deserve better than that, any girl does. Hope you will be alright. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiritualpsb Posted January 31, 2007 Author Share Posted January 31, 2007 i am going to let him know that i know. if he tries to lie, i will just throw what i have printed out (which is everything including the breast photo) in his face. i feel like a complete idiot. he is probably at home right now smirking and thinking i don't know anything, boy he has another thing coming. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 i am going to let him know that i know. if he tries to lie, i will just throw what i have printed out (which is everything including the breast photo) in his face. i feel like a complete idiot. he is probably at home right now smirking and thinking i don't know anything, boy he has another thing coming. After you point all this out to him and tell him you know, then what? Are you planning on breaking things off with him? Do you all live together? Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I also did the confrontation thing in a *very* similar situation, once. Just be prepared for all the sputtering denial even with the proof you have. And remember to walk away. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 And remember to walk away. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOD advice!" - said me. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytellan Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 it's not like we have sex either so it can't be for that. i just can't believe he did the personals thing. should i bring this info. to his attention? Umm... I know this is very rude but maybe that's why. He's trying to find someone else who will while he can count on you for companionship. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I wonder if she meant to write, " It's not like we *don't* have sex....", instead of what she actually wrote. Typos happen -Good Lord! -I make 'em all the time! (Smile) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I wonder if she meant to write, " It's not like we *don't* have sex....", instead of what she actually wrote. Typos happen -Good Lord! -I make 'em all the time! (Smile) -Rio Whether they are or aren't, that doesn't give him the right to cheat on her... spiritualpsb, you need to cut him lose... you shouldn't have to deal with this and I'm sorry, it hurts to uncover proof, especially when it is all in innocence and you weren't searching for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiritualpsb Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 we have been together for 2 1/2 years. throughout that time i have done what i think the best i could to be there for him in every way. sometimes i felt it just wasn't good enough so i then would try harder. he has come to me and said he felt a void in his heart, i then kept trying so hard. i can't communicate verbally so well due to some brain damge. the brain damage has affected the way i think, the way i talk, balance, memory and attitude. i have done alot for him to help him out such as doing the dishes, cleaning the house, doing his laundry, helping and playing with HIS kids while i have one of my own. i have also cooked and baked cookies with his kids, i have gotten him drinks, and refilled his plate when he needed. but lately in the past 6 months i felt non appreciative, and we talked and he said i was the one who didn't appreciate him. he has given me money before to help me, but i always pay him back. he has given me a car and phone to use but without reminding me of it almost every week. i have offered him back rubs, foot rubs, bubble baths for him to relax, anything he wanted i would do but he always said "no i'm alright." so then i found out his ex was calling again and they were talking. with that making me upset along with the rest of the thing's i was doing for him, which to him wasn't enough, i was very frustrated and tired emotionally. my anger turned into a irritable attitude which i lashed out onto him. maybe i pushed him into doing these thing's, i don't know but i feel whatever i did or did not do doesn not justify him doing what he did. he should have come to me and either said "hey this isn't working no longer," or "your doing this that / the other wrong and i'm just not feeling it let's end it cause i'm tired of talking about it." something to that or whatever. the main issue is he didn't tell me he just did whatever he wanted. to sit there and lie directly to my face and say he has NEVER cheated in any way is very ballzie. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiritualpsb Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 ummm i am the one who has to always initiate. he always turns me down, i never have turned him down. even when i offered to plz. him w/nothing in return he turns me down. he always says he is too tired, or not in the mood. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytellan Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 The more you write the more I get the feeling that what you "suddenly discovered" should be no surprise to you. It sounds like he has been making it clear for a long time that he is not happy. Why are you letting him drag you along? If he can tell you there's a void in his heart, then I suggets you tell him to find someone to fill it for him. I wish those who were struggling with things like this could step back and see the issue for its obviousness. Based on what you have said, he is so incredibly not into you for a long time now and you really should have seen this coming. On one hand, there's no point in asking why people do this or is it fair that he is cheating on you... Sometimes (actually ALL THE TIME) we need to take the responsibility of protecting ourselves, because no one else will. You really should have seen the signs before now and should have taken the steps to protect yourself from this person. This may come off as insensitive, but I just think that too often we give others WAY more power to hurt us than anyone deserves. PROTECT YOURSELF with information you are given!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiritualpsb Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 i trusted this person. after he stated to me about the void he had in his heart, i did tell him that it was time then we seperate. he was the one who wanted to try and work it out, and because we were together for 2 years i had not wanted to throw it away, but continue to try together. what signs should i have seen? he said he had hope, faith in our relationship that it would work. no one said i suddenly discovered anything, i snooped because i had a gut instinct and i was right. so because he "feels" whatever way at this point, it is ok for him to cheat since i should have protected myself? i'm sorry nothing i did or didn't do justifies cheating, NOTHING. maybe i was oblivious to the signs, but as i told you i have some brain damage and thing's do not come quickly to me like it should.....it takes me some time. thing's that are obvious to you are not obvious to me, thing's that you quickly get i don't. it takes 2 to tango and i blame myself too. one thing i know for sure is i believed every word he said, and when he wasn't sure about us he hardley voiced it and when he did i kept doing more thing's for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytellan Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 At no point did I say it was OK for him to cheat. That's never justified. What I am saying is that as people, if we rely on others to treat us well without taking steps to be responsible for our own emotional protection, we will forever be greatly disappointed. I don't want to argue about the details of what you have said, but indications have been there if what you have written is true. This likely should not have been a big surprise. The fact that it hits you so hard just suggests that you never really prepared yourself for this situation when indicators were present. That's the emotionless response. I don't deny that the inclusion of emotion always makes things more complicated. But we always need to protect ourselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Umm... I know this is very rude but maybe that's why. He's trying to find someone else who will while he can count on you for companionship. I was going to say the very same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 snooped because i had a gut instinct and i was right. maybe i was oblivious to the signs, but as i told you i have some brain damage and thing's do not come quickly to me like it should..... Quit blaming your "brain damage" - you snooped because there were signs. Your response to those signs has been nothing more than willful ignorance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiritualpsb Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 Umm... I know this is very rude but maybe that's why. He's trying to find someone else who will while he can count on you for companionship. he was the one who kept turning me down for intimacy, i've already said that. you know sometimes when a person really loves someone they don't want to believe that the person they love could cheat or lie to them. i wanted to believe he would never do that, because he said so, and yea that may sound stupid but i wanted to believe him. i tried very hard to be everything to him and when something wasn't good enough or not done right, it was a big arguement to him. i'm not trying to argue Krytellan, just stating how i feel that is all. maybe i should have let him go when he told me how he felt. Quit blaming your "brain damage" - you snooped because there were signs. Your response to those signs has been nothing more than willful ignorance. you don't have to be rude and put " marks for what i stated. clearly you don't understand what brain damage from seizures can do. anyway, thanks to all who listened and for some of your advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 you don't have to be rude and put " marks for what i stated. clearly you don't understand what brain damage from seizures can do. Listen, sweetheart. You're able to get on a computer and can clearly put two-and-two together. Whatever "brain damage" (WHOPS!) you have clearly isn't so horrible that you couldn't figure out what was going on here. You're smarter than that, and you know it. You were simply in denial. Link to post Share on other sites
ash519 Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Spiritual, I understand what you are saying. Sometimes you love someone so much you dont want to see that they are unhappy so you just think you are going through a phase or something like that. It is hard, and he made it harder by saying he wanted to try and see if you two could work when you told him maybe it was time to end things. If he is turning down sex and not accepting back rubs etc something is certainly wrong. It sounds like feelings are gone and maybe he is just comfortable with you being there to cook, clean and take care of his kids while he plays and tries to meet someone else. Definately confront him! No matter what excuse he gives you, I recommend leaving him and finding someone more worthy of you and all the effort you put into relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiritualpsb Posted February 2, 2007 Author Share Posted February 2, 2007 well i found a new place to live and i will be moving in on the 15th. i haven't confronted him with all the evidence yet and i won't til i leave. some say don't bother, and other's say to do so, and i'm choosing to do so. i guess i was in denial, i didn't want to believe he would do these thing's despite every time i tried to be his everything. i had an idea something was amiss, but i kept telling myself "no he isn't cheating, he says he never would, he loves me." boy what a fool i look like now . anyway, i've been through worse and was able to move on so i'm sure in time i will get over this prick. Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 well i found a new place to live and i will be moving in on the 15th. i haven't confronted him with all the evidence yet and i won't til i leave. some say don't bother, and other's say to do so, and i'm choosing to do so. i guess i was in denial, i didn't want to believe he would do these thing's despite every time i tried to be his everything. i had an idea something was amiss, but i kept telling myself "no he isn't cheating, he says he never would, he loves me." boy what a fool i look like now . anyway, i've been through worse and was able to move on so i'm sure in time i will get over this prick. Good for you. Seems you made a wise choice. Also, quit saying "what a fool I look like." You are NOT a fool hun, he is. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 I haven't read the whole thread - but been there, done this one - more than once. These guys are slime - and no matter what excuse they give - it's just that - a line. One guy - he made all kinds of excuses etc - I said 'do I need to log on and SHOW you your own profile?" he still made all kinda excuses - and I looked him in the eye and said "why don't you be a man for once, and stop trying to weasel outta this, you've been caught - man up". He did - and I walked out the door. i am going to let him know that i know. if he tries to lie, i will just throw what i have printed out (which is everything including the breast photo) in his face. i feel like a complete idiot. he is probably at home right now smirking and thinking i don't know anything, boy he has another thing coming. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Just be prepared for all the sputtering denial even with the proof you have. I definitely agree. I was also in a similar situation, and I had the PROOF right in FRONT OF ME....yet my ex denied the whole thing, as if I was going to believe him. My advice to you? Don't believe his lies when you confront him about it. Link to post Share on other sites
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