Am I to blame here?

[Guest]

When I first met my boyfriend he had pics of an ex posing half naked on his mobile phone,I was upset about it and asked him to remove them and he didn't think he should have to.Well an arguement broke out and he ended up deleting the pics but it did take a while.

 

Three weeks ago we went out and I caught him kissing a girl on the dance floor,I was upset,I slapped him and walked out...he followed begging for me to take him back so I gave him a chance.

 

Last weekend we picked up his children and took them away,upon returning we had to call into an ex girlfriends place to pick up his laptop computer (it seems he doesn't make clear breaks).She was being smart about things and saying how he cheated on her with 4 other girls etc,I already knew he was not faithful to her but the relationship was not exactly a love one either,they both lived together yet did their own thing but it did upset me say the least.

 

We got home and plugged in the laptop that she had said she had cleared all her things off and well I had an idea she would have left things on there for him to see and surely enough there were new pics of her on there.I asked him if he was going to delete them and he said he didn't know,that he had not seen them and wanted to do it in his own time but he also added he saw nothing wrong with keeping them as they were memories.I got a bit upset about this but he then threw in my face the fact my ex boyfriend of 5 years that I broke up with almost a year ago had left a few things in my garage.

 

The reason it is still here is he moved to another state and has been unable to get them and they are only momentos of his from his childhood hence why I never threw them out.My current boyfriend was saying how I should get rid of his stuff etc etc ranting and raving at me,I told him THEY are only things,YOUR wanting to keep pictures of an ex,the very one that purposly put pics of herself on his computer to upset and he was now falling for her bait.One thing led to another and we argued big time,he picked up his laptop and smashed it.

 

I said to him that he knows how upset it had made me considering the fact she was being a total B**** that weekend and I felt she was rubbing it in my face and he was allowing it!He blamed me and told me it's all me and he then went and slept on the couch.

 

The next day was the same,he didn't even want to speak with me..he walked out for work an hour before he was due to start.That afternoon he came home and we got into yet another heated argument.He told me he spoke to a councellor that told him it was ME that had the problem,that I was in the wrong...I don't believe he even spoke to a councellor,I feel he is consulting in some other woman right now as here where we live you cannot get phone councelling (not for free anyway) you have to actually get an appointment and go in to see them and I know he would not spend the dollars so he is lying to me.

 

He started yelling at me and came towards me in a threatening way,I was scared at this point and pushed him backwards...he then came and grabbed me and held me firm saying he loved me and to stop this....he feels I am doing this to us but I feel that the insecurities have been created by him and it's going to take time for me to fully trust him again after what he has done in the past.

 

We talked for some time although I do not still feel I am to blame here for things he has done or said to me.After things had calmed down and we were getting somewhere he turns to me and tells me that his work wants 4 guys to go away for a week soon....now thinking I have just gone through betrayal and hurt and he has dropped the bombshell on me saying he wants to go away and his work pay no extra money for it,only the accomodation/food etc so why bother to go?

 

I have no problem if Ifelt totally secure here but I don't and I tried to explain this to him my reasons why and he said YOU NEED TO TRUST ME!but I told him it's going to take time....he got angry once again and could not understand why I am feeling this way and we went to bed and never spoke to each other all night.

 

This is now day two....we both feel we are right here,we both love each other very much BUT he is giving me insecurities and cannot understand this.

 

I might add,I have been sick for some time and suffer from depression,I don't think he is being very understanding towards me right now and honestly and lost with what to do.Any advice?

[roxy_1980]

From the sounds of it, you are dealing with a serial cheater.

 

He cheats on all the women that he's with and with several different women at a time.

 

A few knick-knacks in a garage are different than naked pics on a laptop that he uses all the time.

 

He is trying to turn this on you cause it's a classic cheater's tactic. All the b@$tards use that one.

 

No counsellor tells someone that all the problems in a relationship are one person fault. Even if he did see a counsellor, the way that people present the facts can greatly affect the evaluation. He probably skewed the facts in his favor.

 

Drop him like a bad habit. He's an @$$hole.