Aida29 Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I think I might have a situation. I've been working at this new job for only 1 month and I think my boss has a crush on me. I know he is a "religious" man, that's why I'm confused. I wouldn't have guessed him for a flirt. He initiates small talk with me every morning and doesn't with the other ladies. He's also very loud and called me "sunshine" in front of them one morning. Today he came into my office on his way out the door and said, "I like your hair!" I had been wearing my hair like that all day... it was just weird. I sense something, that he is attracted to me, and has a little crush on me. He stares at me a lot in meetings and smiles at me all the time... I hope I'm just being paranoid. I don't feel the same way at all. When he comes in to talk to me I do entertain him by reciprocating in small talk, but maybe I need to stop sharing so much personal info. It's nothing too serious, just like places I've been too, the weather, etc. He's new too, so I'm not sure why he acts like this. But he is my boss and I'm new. The question is how do I handle this diplomatically without destroying his ego and ME having to suffer the consequences? I'd hate for it to get so bad that I have to go to HR...and then what would the even be able to do about it? Or am I just being silly and conceited? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
JCD Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I would cut back on the personal stuff and treat him like a boss with respect but not too friendly. Unless he starts touching you all the time then I would not go to HR. He might try to kiss you once and that's ok imo but coming on to you like that all the time is not cool if you don't want him to. Unfortunately, these crushes are always going to happen no matter who you work for. Link to post Share on other sites
freakygal78 Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Hey! He sounds like a schmuck! Is he single or married? I had issues in various workplaces with married and single ppl trying to be overfriendly with me. There is so much friendly banter you can take part in for the sake of rapport but then, remember he is in a position of authority and he could well be trying to take advantage of the situation and so just be wary - you should not be subjected to this kind of 'uncomfortable-making' behaviour. It just may be that you are an attractive person and so he is responding to this in an albeit immature manner for someone who is supposed to be an authority figure and act in a mature, professional manner. Just keep the personal banter to a minimum as well as the eye contact if he is staring at you inappropriately - keep it professional - it will be to your credit. If it does continue however and is affecting your performance at work - I would have a discrete chat to HR - best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
RealTruth Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 yeah you can't chit chat with him this only makes him want you more since you're nice to him. He's probably older right? This happens to me at all my jobs it seems, some 40 or 50 year old (married) higher up gets a crush on me, and I just have to give them cold, uninterested looks. not rude cause you still need a professional relationship with them, that willl give them the hint that they're not getting anywhere with you. Word of advice - DO NOT EVER offer to babysit or housesit for them, not that I did or anything bad happened but the discussion came up and I almost did, got a bad feeling in my stomach I shouldn't. luckily I moved before the planned time and got out of it! I think that would've escalated situation. Just be pleasant and professional but not personal or cutesy and he'll move on to someone more willing. Link to post Share on other sites
glitzy55 Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 Keep the conversation to a minimum. Hello and goodbyes, only job related discussions , seem unintersted when he tries to start convos and one word answers..he'll get the hint. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 I have a new job and already want to hit on alot of girls there... but I'm not a boss or anything yet so hmmm... as for you situation I would just try to resolve the situation yourself first by either confronting him if you absolutily have to, or just acting in a way that will make it obviouse you dont want anything romantic. I wouldnt go to HR yet he hasnt done anything obviously wrong yet you even admitted you may be paranoid. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 I know he is a "religious" man, that's why I'm confused These are often the worst kind, don't let the fact someone is religious wane your suspicioun. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 The way to turn off your boss' flirting is to be ultra-professional with him. I would cut way back on even innocuous small talk like weather, and turn every discussion into some hard core work topic - like "since you have the time, let me show you my projections for the XXX project". Best if you know that he doesn't really want the info you're presenting. Always accompany this with a polite, neutral, not-smiling serious work face and make sure you stay in a very public area and speak loudly enough to be overheard. Boss attempting to flirt with you doesn't lead anywhere good, unfortunately. Even though you're completely innocent, you're going to have to work hard to keep the mud from sticking to you. Calling you "sunshine" and complimenting your hair are out of line IMO. Next time, loudly, "I'd like to ask you to call me Katherine." "Let's stick to work-related topics." Sure, you'll get the rep as being an unsmiling and unfun professional, but that's your best case outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
Topper Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Calling someone sunshine is out of line? and saying something nice to you is out of line! He is new and so are you maybe just maybe he is attempting to have an office Allie, a friend in a sea of unfriendly people. If he said that dress makes you look sexy or said you have great legs. Then yes I would say over the line. Now let me ask you this if he were young close to your age and very good looking would you be uncomfortable? Here isa story years ago i did some bussiness with a Real Estate Company. Most of the Agents were woman in their 30s and 40s I was in my 40's still had most of my hair and was in damn good shape I may be short but i was told by a lot of woman Iowas handsome. Don came is asa new Broker of record for this branch Don was over wight about 60 bald and never was a good looking guy. What Don was, was a big friendly Teddy bear of a man. He would say things like you look lovely today or yes even your hair looks nice today. Over drinks one evening a couple of the woman were talking about how that thought Don was possible sexually harassing them. I had known Don for years and Know he was just a friendly out going guy who really loved woman and not as sex objects. he just liked the company of woman. He would be the guy to stop in rain storm to change your tire. he was vary old school and believed in Old fashion chivalry. I told them that and to just give Don some time . They would see he was harmless. In time most came to see Don for who he was. Don't judge to quick. Link to post Share on other sites
Dadaal Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 As an experienced HR manager, I'd never advise you to go the HR department without having a solid argument. Passing comments here, and there is always common in workplace - between men and women in particular. Stick to the core rules of the work and make some other female friends in the work - they'll later help you out. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts