moving out

[Joe1]

A co-worker has asked me if I wanted to move in with her into her 4,000 square foot house, which is two stories and I'd be living in the lower part. It's $350/mo and has everything, I said I would do it but it's going to happen this weekend and I just bought a new car so now I'm having second thoughts.

 

I don't make a lot at work, so cost maybe an issue. I want to tell her I changed my mind, but I don't wanna hurt her or upset her because I have to work with her every day. What can I do or say?

[Tony T]

Where in the entire universe could you rent the bottom floor of a 4,000 sq. ft. house for $350 per month unless it is totally falling apart? What is your rent now? Would moving in there be that much more of an expense?

 

If you really don't want to make the move, you need to tell her immediately so she can find another roommate. She is probably depending on you or at least counting on you moving in since you made the commitment to her.

 

There is no good way to tell her except by being forthright and honest. You don't need to give her a reason, either. Just tell her that circumstances have changed and you are not able to make a move right now without great hardship. Who knows? Maybe she'll cut you a deal and give you a few months free rent.

 

Be honest with her and tell her soon. Maybe I'll take your place if the house is decent enough...and if she's decent enough...(lol)

[Joe1]

Yeah, sounds too good to be true. No, actually it's a house that belongs to her best friend. Her best friend's parent's lived there up until they died, so she told the lady I was gonna move in with that she could have the house as long as she kept it up and un til someone comes to buy the house.

 

The house is very nice, not falling apart. However, I told her I was gonna move in but I did this out of excitement with the idea of moving out and such and said yes without even thinking but as time grew closer reality settled in and I just don't make the money to live there.

 

Besides, it's 25 miles from where I currently live and takes me away from my whole family and moving there is of no benefit to me and this all hit me today.

 

So after all said and done, I simply have no reason to move out. It benefits me in no aspect what-so-ever. I know I said yes, so I guess that creates a commitment, but I don't think she should depend on me so much.

 

I told her when it was first talked about that if I had financial problems, which was most likely, I would move out and she said that was fine so it's not like the chance of me not being there didn't exist.. it did.

 

I did call her tonight and I just told her that I don't think it is financially possible for me to move out. I told her that I said I would out of the idea of moving, out of excitement before reality sanked in.

 

She was mad, she couildn't understand why I was so excited and then change my mind. And being the wuss that I am, I now feel bad that I backed out but either way one of us would be unhappy.. either her or me and I choose to do what I feel is right for me.

 

And it's not about finances either, just where I live now is where all my family lives including my 1.5 year old niece and I love the town I live in and where I would of been moving is out nowhere, small town with hardly nothing and totally away from family when there was no need to be. So it was of no benefit to me at all so I did what I felt was right.

 

Now my thing is I work with her every single day, I mean just her and I so now I'm gonna have to figure out how to handle her madness towards me. Any advice? I hate the idea of having to face her tomorrow.

[Tony T]

Be a man, for Gawd's sake.

 

If you have to get out of a deal, tell the person. PERIOD. You need to advise her as soon as possible. There is simply NO OTHER WAY IN THE UNIVERSE. There is no way to inform her, unless you hire an attorney or get a friend to tell her or write a letter.

 

TO REPEAT: There is no way she can be informed of your decison unless you tell her with your voice.

[Joe1]

Tony I did tell her, I told her earlier and she was mad about it saying "forgive me for my reaction, I'm just a little surprised" and was mad.

[HokeyReligions]

Tell her how bad you feel, and how you are very concerned about your working relationship.

 

If you had a good working relationship before (must have for her to ask you to share a residence) tell her that you truly value that and that you want to make sure she is okay. Offer to help her find a new housemate.

 

You can be honest and even tell her that you went to an advice board to try and find an answer.

 

We are all human and all too often we find ourselves jumping on something that sounds great or exciting, only to think about it later and realize its not what we thought at first.

 

It's not a pleasant situation, but it could be worse if you had moved in then been miserable or couldnt' afford to stay and had to move out. At least now she has more time to find another roomie.

 

 

If I put myself in her place, I might be mad for a while but someone apologizing and my knowing how bad they felt about it would get me over the anger real fast because I wouldn't want someone to feel bad about it. If it were mean or angry or someone who just didn't seem to care at all how I felt and just ditched at the last minute, then I might stay angry and hurt.