Kelley Posted October 11, 2002 Share Posted October 11, 2002 My fiance mother just died. We are planning to be married in 8 days. EVERYONE has scheduled to come, spend time, etc. We have tons of non refundable stuff sceduled and he does not want to get married. He is very depressed and wants to call off the wedding. We live together now and he says why should we change anything. He says the wedding is only for us anyway and he is not ready for it now. I am devastated and don't know what to do. HELP!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted October 11, 2002 Share Posted October 11, 2002 I know you're upset he wants to call the wedding off and you have a right to be - however the big deal is the marriage not the wedding. The timing sucks, I agree but your fiance right now is going through a huge emotional upset. This is the time for you to be there for him. If you can't see past the $$ invested in the wedding to see the pain he's going through than maybe it is the best thing to call if off. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted October 11, 2002 Share Posted October 11, 2002 I know you want to get married, but weddings are just for the guests...not the couple, as crazy as that might sound. He just lost probably his MOST IMPORTANT guest. His mother dying is tragic. Why on EARTH would you WANT to have a wedding, just days after a funeral. To me, that's sick. Its possible NOW that he won't want to have a wedding period. He might just want to elope, bc he won't be happy for him...he'll always know that his mom ISNT there...and it would probably bring back really bad feelings and flashbacks of what he's going through now. Back up off your high horse and be there for this hurting man. GET OVER IT!!! If ANYTHING, death should show you that there is more to life than "routines" and that you should love the people you love as much as you can. Give the guy a break...he's dealing with enough on his own, without having to deal with his whiney ass fiance. So shut the hell up and hug him. Geez this is pissing me off....sorry for going off on you, but DAMN! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 11, 2002 Share Posted October 11, 2002 If my wedding was scheduled for eight days, my mother died, and my wife-to-be got all upset because I wanted to delay the wedding...I would go one better. I would cancel the wedding AND my engagement to her as well. I am absolutely intent on finding a woman for myself who can set aside self interests during times of emotional crisis and hardship. I want a woman who is understanding of the sadness and difficulty I may be going through and who is willing to stick by me and be supportive...rather than sulk about how difficulties I have no control over may interfere with her happiness in some way. I am also willing to do the same for the special lady I find. I think you are the wrong lady for this guy...or for most any guy right now. Take some time to learn empathy for other people, especially those close to you. I think right now you should be more concerned about losing the man you love rather than the money you have invested in non-refundables. Go find a charity or some poor couple who is getting married and donate those non-refundables that way in the name of your fiance's mother. If you have already paid for this stuff and cannot use it, you will get a far greater joy out of seeing some less fortunate couple make use of it. You can find them through churches and various charity organizations. Love isn't about money. You can always print more of that. But your fiance will never be able to get another mother. She is gone forever. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted October 15, 2002 Share Posted October 15, 2002 First - I agree with the others. Now is NOT the time to be thinking about the wedding. OTOH: It's a normal reaction - for both of you. None of us really know exactly how we will react to tragedies in our lives. The guy's attitude and reaction is normal. So is the girls. You may not have been particularly close to Your MIL to be. The pain for you is different. As a knee-jerk reaction to a death, thinking about money or plans or routines is normal. I've been there and on both sides of the coin. You are hurting for different reasons. The key is to understand that a wedding, no matter how much time and effort and money went into planning it, No matter how many people may be disappointed, it CAN be rescheduled. Your fiance's mother will never come back. It's time to put your heartache over the wedding on the back burner and concentrate on HIM and his hurt. And don't even give a thought to what anyone might think or say about wedding gifts or travel plans, or how much money they have spent. If they don't understand about a death - then they need to learn. Take a look at your wedding vows--whether you are using traditional vows, or wrote some yourself. Well, here is a test. Are you living up to those vows now? Link to post Share on other sites
Kelley Posted October 17, 2002 Share Posted October 17, 2002 While we decided to hold the wedding anyway. A good deal of it he says is that he has to much stress and cold feet. He loves me and does plan to follow through w/ it. We get married on Saturday. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted October 17, 2002 Share Posted October 17, 2002 Glad you got it worked out. Congrats! Hope your marriage lasts longer than mine did! haha Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts