Crimson107 Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I confessed my SA and turned from it to try and work my marriage out. It has been about 6 months. Sometimes good. Plenty of low time. I took the dumb opportunity when we moved to another state. I stayed behind to get the house in order and found a destructive distraction. I confessed not to long after I finally made the rest of the move. She has tried real hard to be understanding. I know it has hurt her deeply and I truely am sorry. To complicate things we have 4 kids and a mountain of past due debt. Enough to shake even the strongest marriages. We made the move so she could fulfill her dream of teaching. I heriocally supported my woman's dream and tragically failed her with a nightmare. All in a month. Now the money issues are overwhelming like they have been in the past but it is intensified. I have not found a fulltime job. Just contract work that is very unstable. I have found an opportunity that could make lots of money for my family. like double my last job. However, it comes with a string - travel. Wow, if we still had that "love though poor" bond- The support would be there no question. Of course, now there is great doubt. She wonders if the OW will be there? Will I come home? Will I do it again? It is totally natural to feel all these things. A catch 22. I don't really have the trust to be gone for several days to work but I need to work to help support the family. My consistent search for my field has let us slip deeper into overwhelming debt. This money could really help pull us up financially. So what do I do? She is trying to be supportive but inwardly she is still very scared of what she thinks I will do. I am scared that I may be doomed to her insecure imagination. I am NOT meeting the OW. I have not contacted since the NO contact letter. I don't want the OW to destroy anymore than I have done already. She has not called me and we are not communicating. So I am being truthful again but I don't have the proof to satisfy my wife. I very well might never have that faith again. I know a part is lost and I want to fiercely, passionately keep what we can and get better. Sadly, all I have is my word and willingness to be open about anybody I communcate with. I want to keep my marriage. I never was a good liar or a player. I only played myself and lost something beautiful that was waiting for me. Time is still there but I need to make the money situation better so we can have the ability to keep working. I am so mad at myself. I want to work and save marriage and family. I adore and love my wife. Will this job cost me what I am trying to use it to keep???? Link to post Share on other sites
outofdarkness Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I feel for you. My H travels alot on businss and up until D day 2 years ago, I totally trusted him. I never did anything but call to check in on his cell..Many time, I just found out what city or hotel he was in just in passing converstions. It wasn't because I didn't care or love him, it's just that I trusted that he was ONLY traveling for business, and that is the way it was presented to me. The times that I complained about the travel, he told me that he needed to support his family and this was how he needed to do it considering his career choice. D day totaly changed all of the above, but I will say that it gets better. I traveled with my H for a few months after D day. I didn't do this thinking that I could somehow prevent him from cheating, I just wanted to spend time with him and send a message to he and the OWs that I was going to make an effort to stay in the marriage. When I trusted enough to stop traveling with him constantly, I became very anxious and irritable before and after he went away. He has taken some steps to reassure me, but the truth is that I had to come to terms with the fact that if he makes up his mind that he's going to cheat, he's going find a way. This is REALLY hard for me, because, as I discussed in another thread, I trend to delve deeply and obsess. Now, I go months feeling pretty content and trusting. It will always be in the back of my head, as I can forgive but never forget Some of the steps that he took to restore trust while traveling are: 1) printed out iteneraries from the travel dept. of his company, 2) called me at a certain time to check in and made no fuss if I felt the need to call back right away to see if he was indeed where he said he was, 3) allowed me full access to his cell bill, this is a tough one, because we know that you all can always get a calling card or a second phone!, 4) Called me if a flight was delayed or he had to change hotels, 5) Agreed to my request that he NOT travel at all on weekends...This too has been a thorn in my side, as he seems to have crept back into leaving on Sunday aft...with the excuse that there is a meeting in that city that is too early to catch a morning flight and be there on time. I know there are other things, but I hope those help you. It will take some time, and you will need to anwer questions when asked, put up with the paranoia that comes with finding out you don't really know or trust the person that is so precious to you, and do everything you can think of to rebuild that trust. Do invite her to travel with you even every now and then, if your situation will permit it; ie childcare to allow your W to go... I hope this helps. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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