Guest Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 i've been dating my bf for two and a half years now and we are very close. seven months ago we moved in together and things have been going great. he is working and i am going to school for my masters. he and i talk about the future and being together for the rest of our lives all of the time, and i am confused as to why he hasn't proposed yet. he talks with such certainty about us being together, and has talked this way for quite a while. i honestly thought christmas would bring a proposal but it didn't. am i just being impatient? could there be a reason that i am just not seeing for him not proposing? i know i want to be with him and i feel that he wants to be with me, so what could be causing him to postpone? it would be great if any guys who maybe knew they wanted to be with someone but who put off proposing to give me a little insight into why he might be waiting. any advice or comments are welcome. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 It could be anything. Money, age, you aren't asking for a proposal, he's waiting for you to graduate and get a job, etc. Since you talk about the future all the time, haven't you ever discussed a timeline? Like, when you will get married, when you will have kids, when you will buy a home together? Why do you think you haven't asked about the timeline yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 seven months ago we moved in together What's the rush to get married for him, he's already got it all... he doesn't need the paper... Link to post Share on other sites
vluna00 Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 What's the rush to get married for him, he's already got it all... he doesn't need the paper... I can't say that I agree with that. Funny thing is that this very same situation is going on with a cousin of mine. He has been dating his girlfriend for years already. Things became serious when he moved in with her and now everyone including her are waiting for the proposal. Just this Christmas everyone thought that could be the moment but he got her a bracelet instead. My aunt asked him about it and he had a great response. "It is not like I don't have marriage with her on my mind but I do want to give her great things, I am saving for her dream home and the wedding of her dreams. All this starts out with the perfect ring that needs to be bought as well. I don't want an engagement that will last years or things done chaotic so when my goals for her are complete I will ask." Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 I can't say that I agree with that. Funny thing is that this very same situation is going on with a cousin of mine. He has been dating his girlfriend for years already. Things became serious when he moved in with her and now everyone including her are waiting for the proposal. Just this Christmas everyone thought that could be the moment but he got her a bracelet instead. My aunt asked him about it and he had a great response. "It is not like I don't have marriage with her on my mind but I do want to give her great things, I am saving for her dream home and the wedding of her dreams. All this starts out with the perfect ring that needs to be bought as well. I don't want an engagement that will last years or things done chaotic so when my goals for her are complete I will ask." Well, that sounds nice on its face, but why does he think she wants an expensive dream wedding, a dream house right away, and a perfect (expensive) ring - especially when the tradeoff is they have to wait years and years more until he's got the money? Has she been talking about a bridezilla wedding with 14 bridesmaids, filet mignon, and Dom Perignon? Is your cousin a material girl? If not, then I also would say this is a delaying tactic on his part. Waiting for perfection, and expensive perfection at that, might be his dream, not hers. She's waiting for a proposal, not a dream house, debutante wedding, and perfect ring. Link to post Share on other sites
tragicglands Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Maybe he's waiting for Valentine's Day? Hardly original, though. Link to post Share on other sites
vluna00 Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 So what you are telling me is that all she wants to hear is a proposal. That she really wouldn't care if it was a real ring, a toy ring, or no ring. The she would just be happy getting married in the court house and never getting the home of her dreams. Sorry to say but we all have dreams. They don't have to be lavish but when we see our futures we see ourselves in good places. That costs money Why does it have to all be about the guy wanting to drag his feet? Being comfortable where he is now? As if him proposing to her will actually get the ball rolling if he IS all about dragging all this out. I am just giving the dude a little bit of slack. You don't know what he is thinking or what he has up his sleeves. If she is impatient she can has 3 choices: 1. Ask him what's taking him 2. Propose to him... it is 2007 3. Stop wasting her time if she has a timeline set in her life that he is not fulfilling. Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 If she is impatient she can has 3 choices: 1. Ask him what's taking him 2. Propose to him... it is 2007 3. Stop wasting her time if she has a timeline set in her life that he is not fulfilling. I choose #3. It would be hard, for me, to put my life on hold for someone else's timeline. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 So what you are telling me is that all she wants to hear is a proposal. That she really wouldn't care if it was a real ring, a toy ring, or no ring. The she would just be happy getting married in the court house and never getting the home of her dreams. Sorry to say but we all have dreams. They don't have to be lavish but when we see our futures we see ourselves in good places. That costs money I'm not saying all she wants is a proposal. I'm assuming she wants to be married and share her life with this man as a committed couple. Sure, we all have dreams. And the point of being married to someone is to work on achieving those dreams together. The point isn't to wait until the guy can give her perfection on a platinum platter, to wait until he can afford to hand it all over to her. Why wouldn't she be involved in earning money for their dream house, and why wouldn't she contribute to making their dreams comes true? And yes, I believe a woman who wants to be married to someone should be more interested in actually being married, the commitment, and the lifetime together, rather than the circumstances of the proposal, the ring, the wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
Mirage222 Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 I can't say that I agree with that. Funny thing is that this very same situation is going on with a cousin of mine. He has been dating his girlfriend for years already. Things became serious when he moved in with her and now everyone including her are waiting for the proposal. Just this Christmas everyone thought that could be the moment but he got her a bracelet instead. My aunt asked him about it and he had a great response. "It is not like I don't have marriage with her on my mind but I do want to give her great things, I am saving for her dream home and the wedding of her dreams. All this starts out with the perfect ring that needs to be bought as well. I don't want an engagement that will last years or things done chaotic so when my goals for her are complete I will ask." Why can't you agree with the above? 3 or so years from now lets see if your relatives here are married happily in the dream house with the dream wedding - because money is the biggest excuse for men on not getting married and personally I think that statement is materialistic and caddy in a sence and I doubt that this relationship will last for the long run. To the O/P (GUEST)-- I live with my boyfriend too, in a great relationship but that relationship is that I AM the girlfriend and will continue to be just the girlfriend for as long as I hang on to be - no marriage promises here. I thought there was moving in but it is clear that all that talk and hopes passing me by on Xmas, V Day, B Day, whatever day in reality is not going to happen. I've been with my guy longer then you but what your living is what I am living. A perfect relationship without marriage, don't get me wrong, I wanted marriage but after a while you freeze up and realize you have something good already, leave it - or leave it alone and just be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
adnCat Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 I was with my guy for about 8 years before he finally proposed last month. I hit some forums when I was frustrated about it, and everyone basically told me I was stupid (not at this forum) and that I should leave. That his reasons for waiting were probably just lame excuses. Hearing that kind of stuff hurt and I wondered if I'd been a fool. But I thought about how sincere my boyfriend is, and how it was just not possible for him to be "stalling." So I waited. And I started to calm down about the situation. Not in terms of decided I did not want marriage anymore, but in terms of timing. I realized that we were definitely headed in that direction, and I just needed to be a little patient. I decided I could probably expect a proposal maybe midsummer, and kind of forgot about the issue. So when he popped the question recently, he totally blindsided me, and it was the best surprise ever! It wasn't a money thing, but it was about careers and getting situated in life before taking the plunge. It is true that this is not something that is necessary to wait on before marriage, but for us, I'm glad that we are both at a point where the direction of our lives as a couple and as individuals is known, realistic, and positive. He is not totally set and his "ducks" are not all lined up in a pretty row, but he both got halfway there and decided that our relationship was a priority over other those other things. Link to post Share on other sites
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