I overheard him asking for a girls number!

[Guest]

Hi all,

 

I've been with my so called fiance for over three years now and i'm 7 months pregnant with his child and i'm in a dilemma.

My fiance often goes away on overnight trips for work and it hasn't really bothered me, I have seen his work schedule so I believe that he is definitely going to the places that they are sending him, but last night he accidentally called me at around midnight, he was in a club which on its own would mean nothing,

I could hear him talking to someone who sounded very female but with all the noise it was hard to make out what he was saying. So I thought it might be a good idea to record the call which i did for as long as my phone would allow.

In case your wondering I have had jealousy and trust issues in the past but I have been working through those and I thought that I had finally turned a corner in my life as I really had started to trust him.

 

Anyway I played it back and he was definitely talking to girl who he did not know as I could hear her asking where he was from, the conversation was very muffled but to cut a long story short they seemed to be chatting innocently for 5 mins or so then he said "I'm off but I want to take your number" he repeated this a few times and it sounded like the girl laughed and said no but unfortunately thats where the recording ends.

 

I know it's not proof of cheating but after 3 years together, asking girls for their numbers seems so wrong to me, especially when we've got a baby on the way! and we haven't really been intimate very much over the last 6 months when we used to be at it almost every day without fail (he has a very high sex drive) so obviously you can see where i'm going with this.

 

I'm absolutely seething with rage that he could disrespect me in such a way and I know we'll probably have a very heated discussion when he gets home tonight and i'm going to see if he tells me the truth about where he was last night as I'm pretty sure that he hasn't realised that he called me, and if he lies to me then I know that will be it.

I'm so worried because I know I can't go through raising a child alone again! I already have a daughter from a previous relationship which ended in pretty much the same way.

 

I'm sorry this is so long, I dont have many friends to talk to, so I guess this was my only way to vent my feelings and not the vent the full blast on him!

 

Any advice would be appreciated, am I making a mountain out of a mole hill?

[Guest]

I really do feel your pain since I had the same experience only difference was that I went to his place of employment to deliver his homework assignemtn and a girl came in specifically to ask for his number and he never acknowledged me and then gave her his work number. I walked out and he followed begging for another chance to prove himself. ME, being the soft hearted fool that I am ~ I forgave him and his behavior/disrespect got worse.

 

I found condoms in his pocket and confronted him, he said they were his brothers then several other acts of disrespect followed. I stayed with him for 4 years and my only advice is LOVE YOURSELF MORE ~ NEVER LOSE YOURSELF IN SOMEONE ELSE! This lack of respect for you while you are pregnant shows no character on his part and in my experience it only gets worse with time.

 

Hi all,

 

I've been with my so called fiance for over three years now and i'm 7 months pregnant with his child and i'm in a dilemma.

My fiance often goes away on overnight trips for work and it hasn't really bothered me, I have seen his work schedule so I believe that he is definitely going to the places that they are sending him, but last night he accidentally called me at around midnight, he was in a club which on its own would mean nothing,

I could hear him talking to someone who sounded very female but with all the noise it was hard to make out what he was saying. So I thought it might be a good idea to record the call which i did for as long as my phone would allow.

In case your wondering I have had jealousy and trust issues in the past but I have been working through those and I thought that I had finally turned a corner in my life as I really had started to trust him.

 

Anyway I played it back and he was definitely talking to girl who he did not know as I could hear her asking where he was from, the conversation was very muffled but to cut a long story short they seemed to be chatting innocently for 5 mins or so then he said "I'm off but I want to take your number" he repeated this a few times and it sounded like the girl laughed and said no but unfortunately thats where the recording ends.

 

I know it's not proof of cheating but after 3 years together, asking girls for their numbers seems so wrong to me, especially when we've got a baby on the way! and we haven't really been intimate very much over the last 6 months when we used to be at it almost every day without fail (he has a very high sex drive) so obviously you can see where i'm going with this.

 

I'm absolutely seething with rage that he could disrespect me in such a way and I know we'll probably have a very heated discussion when he gets home tonight and i'm going to see if he tells me the truth about where he was last night as I'm pretty sure that he hasn't realised that he called me, and if he lies to me then I know that will be it.

I'm so worried because I know I can't go through raising a child alone again! I already have a daughter from a previous relationship which ended in pretty much the same way.

 

I'm sorry this is so long, I dont have many friends to talk to, so I guess this was my only way to vent my feelings and not the vent the full blast on him!

 

Any advice would be appreciated, am I making a mountain out of a mole hill?

[Cinnesyn]

No, I'd be madder than hell about this. Confront him and see what he says and how he tries to explain it. I'd love to hear that... He'll make it seem like it's all your fault. He's probably already realized that his phone was on (dead battery?) and that you already know so I'm sure he's practiced his script.

 

As for raising a child alone, you can do it if you have to.

 

I thought of a couple of others things while re-reading your post:

 

1) You could stay with him... if he agrees to counseling... You also might need someone to talk to about your trust issues and his behavior. I would find it very hard to stay with someone I didn't trust and hasn't earned my trust.

 

2) Do you think this was the only time he's asked for a woman's number? I hope I'm wrong but I wonder if he's already cheated on you since he travels a lot and has a high sex drive. Sorry.

 

Whatever you decide to do, good luck and let us on LS know.

[Grrlish]

No, I'd be madder than hell about this. Confront him and see what he says and how he tries to explain it. I'd love to hear that... He'll make it seem like it's all your fault. He's probably already realized that his phone was on (dead battery?) and that you already know so I'm sure he's practiced his script.

 

As for raising a child alone, you can do it if you have to.

 

I thought of a couple of others things while re-reading your post:

 

1) You could stay with him... if he agrees to counseling... You also might need someone to talk to about your trust issues and his behavior. I would find it very hard to stay with someone I didn't trust and hasn't earned my trust.

 

2) Do you think this was the only time he's asked for a woman's number? I hope I'm wrong but I wonder if he's already cheated on you since he travels a lot and has a high sex drive. Sorry.

 

Whatever you decide to do, good luck and let us on LS know.

 

I agree. He probably realizes that he called you and that you heard what was going on. He's probably rehearsing right now.

 

If I were you, I'd be rehearsing, as well. I would have it all figured out before even having the conversation.

 

A. You know what you heard, and you have it recorded. There's no question about what was going on so I wouldn't waste time arguing about it.

 

B. Decide what the options are that would work for you.

 

C. Present him with the options.

 

D. Stand your ground.

 

 

Well, actually, I won't continue down that path since you posted yesterday and said that he was coming home last night. Everything I had to say would have applied before the conversation.

 

What happened?