How to proceed from here...

[Jenna2002]

I am 20 yrs old, and have never been in a relationship. Not for any reason, really, other than that I hadn't met anyone. Well, now I've met someone, and I am not sure what to do.

 

We met as friends/colleagues - abroad, and over the course of three months spent a lot of time together (though given the situation this was not surprising), and discussed nearly everything under the sun, from habits and hobbies to personal life-philosophies. Looking back, though we have technically not dated, we know each other a lot more than some folks who have dated for some time. At times, listening to him speak was like listening to myself speak - we are that alike in someways. At one point, he even told me "you're more like me than me!" I sense a strong connection.

 

I am fairly certain he is interested in me as more than a friend. I am interested in him in this way, in any case. Though he is doing a good job at broadcasting his (apparant) interest in every way short of saying it outright, I am a putz, and think that I may have discouraged him into doubting that I have similar feelings.

 

At the same time, having never actually been in a serious relationship, there is a kernal of doubt that he is actually interested. So, question 1 - how can I subtlely konw if he likes me (don't say 'just ask'. There have to be some signs to look for) and question 2 - how do I show him my (romantic) interest. These would be very ordinary questions if the circumstances were just a little different - but keep in mind that we are both still abroad , but now living several thousand miles apart (though in the same country), and that he doesn't like email very much (too impersonal). So, advice? Comments? Questions? Thanks mucho.

 

Jenna

[Ally Boo]

I was similar to you. Didn't really date anyone until I was like 19. And for almost 2 years, I was just so in love with this guy friend of mine. I would never tell HIM how I felt, but everyone knew...including him I'm sure. I was so sure he felt the same way, and then finally one day, I dont know how, but I just told him that I thought I loved him. He was really kind. He said something like "I know" or something...then he came back to me IN PERSON and told me later, that he didn't feel the same way.

 

I figured I'd be devestated, but actually I wasn't. I guess it was just something I had to do. I was totally fine with the fact that he didn't care about me....which was just bizaare. I figured I'd cry for days...and I guess it did hurt me to a degree, but not NEARLY what I thought it would.

 

My point is, you just need to bite the bullet and tell him. Plain and simple. Open yourself up for rejection. I mean what's the worst that can happen....he can say he doesn't feel the same way, and you've lost nothing. You never had him to begin with.

[Tony T]

Converting friendships to romance is always a touchy situation but you have no alternative but to be straightforward. Stop this hint stuff because it will get you nowhere. You both seem to be too shy to come right out and tell your feelings.

 

You need to bring up the subject and simply tell him that you really enjoy the friendship very much and that you would be open to upgrading such if he ever decided he would like the same. Then just keep quiet and listen to what he says. You will immediately get your answer.

 

These kinds of situations are always a bit awkward but you cannot continue to be a part of a platonic relationship when you really want it to be more. If the feelings are not mutual, you may have to back off your relationship with him until you can focus your emotions in other directions.

 

If you don't discuss this, one day he will tell you he is in love with somebody else...and you will feel like hell for having kept your mouth shut.

 

Do yourself a favor and get this information to him immediately or get away from him until your feelings for him decrease suffi