Green Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 It sounds like your in some bad debt, you hinted that you have some credit cards maxed out. look your obviously in denial, your best bet is to take my advice, work on your career, and work on making some friends, come back to me for your next step when youve made some friends guys/or girls and have your career back on track. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wergo Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 It sounds like your in some bad debt, you hinted that you have some credit cards maxed out. look your obviously in denial, your best bet is to take my advice, work on your career, and work on making some friends, come back to me for your next step when youve made some friends guys/or girls and have your career back on track. How do I work on making some friends? At least hitting on women in public is marginally socially acceptable (if somewhat impractical and unsuccessful) - you can ask girls to go out with you but you can't just ask strange guys to be your friend. The closest I ever got was just making small talk with people at volunteer work or night school courses, and that only lasts up until I ask if they wanna go out for a beer afterwards and I get a variation on "no - I'm going home to my wife and kids." (Oh, and of course, meetup.com; but those guys are just pure evil - they have the business ethics of Tony Soprano.) If I had any idea how to stop being rejected by guys (as friends) maybe I could apply that to women. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Yes your onto something there learn how to make friends and you;ll be that much closer to being able to get a woman romanticaly. Look you should have atleast one friend so my advice to you is be very friendly with every body and invite people out for good times. Like after work invite a co-worker out to eat, then just talk about what ever like sports or something. Find a group of guys that like playing basket ball or something and get togather with them once a week, maybe go play polker with some guys and shoot the breeze. before you know it you'l have some buddies to hang out with and at the least they'll be able to give you some tips on how to get women and at best case scenario these guys will invite you over to parties at their place and introduce you to women boo yow. look learn to make friends, once you have some friends you'll be ready for the next step. Link to post Share on other sites
LostHeart Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 You meantioned that you even tried online dating sites? Sounds to me like maybe you have high standards, even if you don't realize it. That or either you're putting it all upfront and women are a little wowed by what THEY'd have to approach with. Example: "I want a tall, thin blonde that's into comic books and comedies" that already knocks some out and if you're open about wanting sex then it can knock A LOT out. Women like to be chased. You have to be persistant in pursuing one for a little while without coming off as shallow and creepy and it IS difficult. I've read lots of "I can't get a date" deals and most involve someone that puts it out there exactly what they want in a mate. Sometimes your own standards are too high...know what I mean? Nobody is perfect and take that into account. Instead of going for the dead sexy lady head over to the one that isn't so good looking and all and get to know her. At the very least, MAKE FRIENDS! Friends: Make them. Become close with a few people. If they are women they can tell you what's wrong. If they are men -- hello! -- they know the ladies and can give you tips. Be more open to friendship. Sounds like you don't have any friends your age and that alone is VERY bizarre. Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 I don't have a ton to add to what has already been said, but you should not be focusing on women until you have at least mastered the art of forming friendships. To make friends, you need to bond with people over something: work, hobbies, interests, whatever. You need to take on a genuine interest in them and put energy into them before you can expect to get anything in return. Anyway, back to my first paragraph -- think about joining social clubs or clubs centered around hobbies, sports, or other interests. Get yourself to the point where you are happy and content with friends and knowing that there are people out there that genuinely care for you, and you care for them. When you've gotten there, then, and only then, are you ready for a romantic relationship. Yes, along the way on your journey, it is Ok to just get laid. I'm your age, and if I weren't getting any, I'd be paying for it. Life is too short -- so there is no shame in that. It may actually build up some confidence. Here's a site I stumbled on to when I was contemplating how to do better with my own friendships/social circle: http://quirkyalone.net/qa/index.php -- I haven't tried it, but it looks like something fun and interesting. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
JerryDen Posted February 18, 2007 Share Posted February 18, 2007 Hey buddy, I have the solution for you. It might be wrong, but it might just do the trick. I've been to this place, and EVERYBODY is friendly and they want to actually talk to you and get to know you without a price. Try church/bible study. People will give you a chance to get to know them. It works! Link to post Share on other sites
Author wergo Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 Well, 2007 ended without any noticeable improvement. In lieu of an actual 2008 resolution, I thought I'd resurrect this thread rather than wait to start a "45 year-old" one. Which, if nothing changes, will be in a few months. Any ideas, anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Did you do what I told you and make some guy friends. No ones going to be able to help you out over the net on this msg board. We can only guide you. Make some good friends that are men, and you'll be a good step closer to being able to start a female relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wergo Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 Did you do what I told you and make some guy friends. No ones going to be able to help you out over the net on this msg board. We can only guide you. Make some good friends that are men, and you'll be a good step closer to being able to start a female relationship. Still don't have clue #1 how to do that. I've been trolling craigslist daily for any groups or clubs or anything else that can put me in groups, but nothing's led to anything more than small talk with guys I never see again. Where do people go to make friends? Link to post Share on other sites
StillSame Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Wergo, how about online dating? It is just hard to believe that none of the ladies online would like to get coffee with you. Are you very picky? Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 how are you 44 and dont even know how to make a friend? (im just curiouse not trying to make u feel bad, but I think I need ur backstory and theroies on this). By the way you make friends in school. You make friends with your neighbors at the block party or just from seeing them and inviting them over for a drink. You make friends with your co-workers at your job. You make friends with the people at church or what ever. You make friends when your shooting the sht with some guys at sports bar while you enjoy the game. You could take an art class and make some friends. Take focus off finding a date and do they friend thing im telling you to do... much more important... and its step 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wergo Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 how are you 44 and dont even know how to make a friend? (im just curiouse not trying to make u feel bad, but I think I need ur backstory and theroies on this). By the way you make friends in school. You make friends with your neighbors at the block party or just from seeing them and inviting them over for a drink. You make friends with your co-workers at your job. You make friends with the people at church or what ever. You make friends when your shooting the sht with some guys at sports bar while you enjoy the game. You could take an art class and make some friends. Take focus off finding a date and do they friend thing im telling you to do... much more important... and its step 1 Didn't have any friends at school - I was one of those Doogie Howser kids that graduated at 14. My co-workers are all much older than me (we haven't hired a new employee in more than 10 years) and have shown no interest in being social. There's no block parties - how do you meet neighbors? I try and start conversations with people in the elevator, but that never goes anywhere. I take plenty of classes (and volunteer) but haven't had any success in exending casual small talk into actually making friends (or getting dates). I ask people if they want to go out for a beer, or a coffee, and they say no, and that's pretty much where it stops. How do you force the issue beyond that? Making friends is probably important, but it's not really what's keeping me up at night, and it's not what makes life unbearable. And maybe if I was able to get a date, I could meet people through her friends. Having guys to talk to would be a nice luxury, but physical contact with women is beyond essential. Wergo, how about online dating? It is just hard to believe that none of the ladies online would like to get coffee with you. Are you very picky? I've had plenty of dating sites gladly take my money, but none have ever actually provided the service they promise. I place ads and no one responds to them and I answer ads and no one responds to them. I suspect there's just WAY too many men for the few women on there. Link to post Share on other sites
StillSame Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Can you explain how you graduated at age 14? What did you do between age 14 and 22? I've had plenty of dating sites gladly take my money, but none have ever actually provided the service they promise. I place ads and no one responds to them and I answer ads and no one responds to them. I suspect there's just WAY too many men for the few women on there. Do you put a picture up? How does it look? Do you list "weird" hobbies or anything out of ordinary for a 44 year old? For example, listing movies, reading, etc. are fine for a 44 year old, but don't list spiderman or star wars or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 You don't have friends so you don't relize what your missing, but my theory is that if you took the baby step of ataining the social skillz needed to make a same sex friend, you'd be closer to the more dificult task of a romantic relationship with a woman. (are you a virgin)?. And get as specific as u dare what state and city r u in? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Post your pic.. I'll tell you why... or why not... I didn't read the whole thread so maybe you have described yourself... Are you outgoing? introvert? Do your work? Are you educated? Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 (edited) I've been asking out women since I was 15 and, so far, I'm scoring a perfect 100 in the rejection department. Online dating, dating services, night school courses, volunteer work - none of it's ever paid off. Most night I just hang around bookstores, art galleries or coffee shops bothing women who really just wish I'd leave them alone. Bars and nightclubs haven't been any better; just an endless litany of "I'm already seeing someone" or "you're just not my type." There's gotta be more to life than just social isolation and sexual frustration, right? Any suggestions as to either improve my social skills or deal with a life with nothing other than rejection? How is the rest of your life? Are you happy with everything else? How's your style? Do you work out? Do you have a social network of friends? Women come as a result of having all of these other things. I have some links that might help if I could pm you. Edited January 3, 2008 by Phateless Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Post your pic.. I'll tell you why... or why not... I didn't read the whole thread so maybe you have described yourself... Are you outgoing? introvert? Do your work? Are you educated? Picture wouldnt really explain it. Even if hes but ugly he could still get a woman. He is definetly not outgoing he hasn't a friend in the world. He works, but does he own a house and a car and live debt free or atleast with the low intrest tax deductible kind of debt... Education doesnt matter as long as he knows about things and makes enough money to live on his own. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 do a google search for mystery method forum. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 hahah that wont help this guy. its like u and I pointed out he needs to make some friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 hahah that wont help this guy. its like u and I pointed out he needs to make some friends. yeah, very true... it's hard not to be so outcome-dependent... Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 yeah, very true... it's hard not to be so outcome-dependent... great word! outcome-dependancy is his main problem. He just focus's on trying to get a date with a woman but has put no effort into building a social network of male friends. I gaurantee that if you get just one good friend thats a guy you will be so much happier and closer to getting that date you've waited 44 years for. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 It's hard to believe that you can't find friends, or a date. You seem well spoken and articulate on this thread. The person you describe seems to be relatively normal. Hey, I have difficulty making new friends, too. I tend to be close to people for a span of a year to a few years and then they fall by the wayside. Luckily I'm a woman so it's never been hard to get a date, but many of my partners have commented on the fact that I can count the number of close friends I have on one hand! Some people are just not very sociable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wergo Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 yeah, very true... it's hard not to be so outcome-dependent... Yeah, that's a good term for it. There's something about trying for something - anything - for such an extended period of time (especially if it's something that seems to be easy for so many others) and failing miserably at it that eventually defines how you see yourself. I'm a middle-aged man with the life experience of a nine year-old; it's hard not to focus on the one hurdle that I can't clear. And I doubt that just pretending it's not there is going to be anything but counter-productive. I don't own a house - I live in a one-bedroom apartment in downtown Toronto. Just me and a couple of cats. I was pretty financially well off during the 80s and early 90s, but now I've got no savings left and about $15,000 in CC debt, what with dating services, night school courses and six nights a week of trolling the bars. Long-term rejection can be EXTREMELY expensive. But, hey, remove the expense of being chronically alone and cut my rent in half and I'd be back in the black in less than a year. It's tempting to see spending more money to meet a woman as being an essential investment. After I graduated (I skipped a lot of grades to do it early - now I can't imagine why I bothered), I discovered that my parents had no money to send me to college (I did get accepted to the U of T on the Physics Program, but that dream had to be discarded). So Grade 13 (yeah, we had a five-year school system here in the 70s) is as much education as I have. I'm certainly not a natural extrovert. And, yes, I have Andy Stitzer beat by a mile. Haven't even been able to get a woman to kiss me yet. Holding hands is just a pipe dream. Heck, I lay awake at night fantasizing about having a cup of coffee with someone. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 After I graduated (I skipped a lot of grades to do it early - now I can't imagine why I bothered), I discovered that my parents had no money to send me to college (I did get accepted to the U of T on the Physics Program, but that dream had to be discarded). So Grade 13 (yeah, we had a five-year school system here in the 70s) is as much education as I have. I'm certainly not a natural extrovert. And, yes, I have Andy Stitzer beat by a mile. Haven't even been able to get a woman to kiss me yet. Holding hands is just a pipe dream. Heck, I lay awake at night fantasizing about having a cup of coffee with someone. Hmm. Maybe you would have been better served spending that money on travel and higher education. Enriching yourself would make you more attractive, I think. To be honest I never dated in high school, although there were offers. I didn't feel emotionally mature enough to handle a relationship. I did all my dating in college and beyond. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Have you ever heard the phrase "fake it til you make it?" Well it's true. The worst thing you can do is exacerbate your situation. To get women you need to have the attitude that you don't need them. Seriously, do a google search for mystery method forum because it helped me a lot. Confidence Act as if you have options Not needing her Teasing/gentle making fun of Clean-cut/Well dressed If your current methods aren't working, try different methods. Basically, you go out often enough that all you need to is experiment. Try a different approach every time and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
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