MM's Wife Annoys ME!

[bellababygirl]

I don't know that its jealousy, so much as its a matter of an unwanted and unwelcome intrusion into and disruption of an already established family unit.

 

The so called disruption/intrusion began with the H beginning a A. SO, making the decision to stay in the M. with the A. and a child in its result is something the BW accpeted. This child (I dont like referring to any child as an intrusion) will forever be associated with their family unit. The BS and OW have to come to terms with that in an adult and logical civil, humanly decent manner! After all, it is about all the children involved having a R. with their father...not the bad water from the A. still tasting bad to the BW and OW...of course its still hard to swallow...but those are adult actions...not a childs.

[Babybird]

But I beleive the hatefulness directed toward the child is steming from her emotions (very irrational emotions)...as you said this child will be in their lives (if she choses to stay) and some type of contact with the OW for the next 20 years giver or take...so the BS and OW need to get a handle on how to be civil to one another and do what is best for the child now before permenant damage is done...

 

They all made their choices...the child had NONE! I havent mentioned much about this...but...ANY MAN WHO WOULD STAY WITH ANY WOMAN THAT WOULD TREAT ANY OF HIS CHILDREN (FROM A MARRIAGE, OR ANY OTHER ACTIVITY) WITH CONTEMPT AND DOESNT SAY SOMETHING TO CHANGE IT HAS NO SPINE AND DOESNT DESERVE TO BE A FATHER...

 

I totally agree. They need to figure it out quickly.

 

He would be spineless. If she has hostile feelings towards the child they need to be put in check. I don't care what the H has done she can't treat the child badly.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Some MM and BW do accept the child. In fact, I've seen more than a few cases where the BW and MM sued the OW for custody and won.

[lindya]

Trust me however through this whole ordeal I have been very respectful to her and she just seems to be a little B*T*H. She chose to take him back so she needs to deal! If she wants to give attitude I have no problem with giving it back....When she comes with attitude I just think dang girl that is the same attitude that got your man cheating on you with me!

 

It's hard for anyone to comment on the wife's behaviour, because she isn't on this board expressing her opinions. You might believe you're a reasonable individual who has made efforts to develop a polite and respectful relationship with a dreadful harridan, but I can't see anything to support that self-assessment.

 

I yelled at her that he needed to give me a courtesy call if she was gonna pick up the baby, she just gave me attitude and rolled her eyes

 

Is this an example of you being reasonable and polite, and her being an unreasonable bitch in response? What did you think yelling at this woman in front of your son would achieve?

 

no where in our court records does it say she is allowed to get him, for all I didn't know she could of killed him

 

Was there ever an order prohibiting her from collecting him from school? Have you solid reasons for believing that she's likely to harm your son...or are the fears you purport to have about your son's safety just another way of expressing your animosity towards this woman?

[bellababygirl]

I totally agree. They need to figure it out quickly.

 

He would be spineless. If she has hostile feelings towards the child they need to be put in check. I don't care what the H has done she can't treat the child badly.

 

I dont see how any man would stay with a BW that could harbor hatred for any child that was part of him...if she loves him then she has to love his children...no matter their mother...and if he allows her to damage his child he needs to be castrated and quick!

[tinktronik]

I dont see how any man would stay with a BW that could harbor hatred for any child that was part of him...if she loves him then she has to love his children...no matter their mother...and if he allows her to damage his child he needs to be castrated and quick!

I did not see anywhere in the op's post that the wife actuallt harbored and sort of resentment toward the child . It sounds like overreacting on the op's part both in screaming and having her own attitude toward the wife . It sounds like the child has been seeing his Dad along with Dad's wife this time step-mom came and picked him up and the OP threw a fit .

[whichwayisup]

You take it slow and introduce all the changes at the pace the KIDS feel most comfortable with (i'm talking about MM divorcing wife and marrying OW) and NOONE pushes them to accept the OW as their stepmom quickly. That has to happen naturally and NOT be forced upon.

 

Therapy and alot of respect, patience and understanding is a MUST in a situation like that.

[Curmudgeon]

Let's say I had an affair and produced a child with my mistress. I would feel compelled to tell my wife so she could make a knowing decision about what she wanted to do. If she decided to stay married to me (doubtful) she would have to come to terms with the fact that I was instrumental in bringing another child into the world and would have every intention of parenting that child. She would have the choice of participating or not but would not be permitted to stand in the way of my endeavors in that regard, nor would I try to force the child upon her. But every child deserves to have both parents. Again, whatever my wife decided, it would be with full knowledge of the situation.

 

Conversely, if my wife had an affair and became pregnant, I would divorce her. How's that for a double standard? But I'm being honest here. After my experiences with the ex, infidelity is a definite deal-breaker in my marriage. In actuality it is for my wife as well.

 

Under no circumstances would I expect my wife to embrace the OW (my having done so would be the start of the problem anyway) but I would, if my wife chose to remain such, expect her to treat her civilly and say or do nothing to disparage or demean her in front of the child. After all, the child didn't choose either its parents or the circumstances of its conception and birth.

[bellababygirl]

I did not see anywhere in the op's post that the wife actuallt harbored and sort of resentment toward the child . It sounds like overreacting on the op's part both in screaming and having her own attitude toward the wife . It sounds like the child has been seeing his Dad along with Dad's wife this time step-mom came and picked him up and the OP threw a fit .

 

No, I am not sure of all the interations betweent he OW and BW mentioned in the original post of this thread. There has been mention of a restraining order needed in other threads originated from the member of this thread. So, in this one instance I cant say if there is sole resentment for the child. But, several posters on this thread have blatantly made clear their feelings regarding children reared from an A. and how they would treat them...it is those posts that I see the hatred and resentment for an innocent child.

 

The original post beginning this thread shows me an already elevated tense situation that needs to be diffused quickly and with as much consideration as the two angry women can muster with such emotion clouding both their judgement. It is about the child and the childs right to have his father...thats it...its not about what the BW or OW want or dont want...at this point.

[bellababygirl]

You take it slow and introduce all the changes at the pace the KIDS feel most comfortable with (i'm talking about MM divorcing wife and marrying OW) and NOONE pushes them to accept the OW as their stepmom quickly. That has to happen naturally and NOT be forced upon.

 

Therapy and alot of respect, patience and understanding is a MUST in a situation like that.

 

Absolutley! Children need time to adjust...and that zone of comfort needs to be something they can find freely and not be dissuaded by emotions thrown upon them from the BW or OW. How the BW and OW feel should be kept to themselves. I dont think the child(ren) should be pushed in any direction...negative or positive...and always encouraged to know they are loved and welcome. The thoughts of how the OW feels about the BW and vice versa should be kept betweent the adults and never exposed to the children.

 

Yesl you are totally right...it is going to take a great deal of respect, understanding and patience. But, if the BW on here already harbor such hatred for an innocent child I fear nothing but destruction in their future. It takes very mature loving and kind people to handle such a diffiuclt situation...but, it can be done. It is basic human instinct to love and care for the young...regardless of whose egg they were born of...

[bellababygirl]

Let's say I had an affair and produced a child with my mistress. I would feel compelled to tell my wife so she could make a knowing decision about what she wanted to do. If she decided to stay married to me (doubtful) she would have to come to terms with the fact that I was instrumental in bringing another child into the world and would have every intention of parenting that child. She would have the choice of participating or not but would not be permitted to stand in the way of my endeavors in that regard, nor would I try to force the child upon her. But every child deserves to have both parents. Again, whatever my wife decided, it would be with full knowledge of the situation.

 

Conversely, if my wife had an affair and became pregnant, I would divorce her. How's that for a double standard? But I'm being honest here. After my experiences with the ex, infidelity is a definite deal-breaker in my marriage. In actuality it is for my wife as well.

 

Under no circumstances would I expect my wife to embrace the OW (my having done so would be the start of the problem anyway) but I would, if my wife chose to remain such, expect her to treat her civilly and say or do nothing to disparage or demean her in front of the child. After all, the child didn't choose either its parents or the circumstances of its conception and birth.

 

 

Thank you so very much for you insight. It shows a great deal of thought and maturity...especially addressing how you would consider your BW feelings and explaining to her why you would have a R. with your child. I wish more men would have a comment on this thread...I think it would help a lot of BW.

[TheDiva]

Bella didn't this MM request you get an abortion? I hate abortion arguements so I don't want to go there. But by that point alone I question his planning this child and (more)children with you.

 

BW arguements are moot points. His BW doesn't know about the baby...so you can hardly argue that she has to accept this child simply because it's his when she probably will not find out at all, or won't until after the child has been born. She is more likely to accept the child and situation if it's allowed to sink in, and not a bomb blowing up multiple times in her face. (Affair, then affair producing child, told she has to just deal with choices others made for her etc.)

 

I don't really want to argue with anyone but from the things you have written about what he has said, MM doesn't seem to be as accepting of the baby as you want him to be. Things that this man has told you are paving the way to him telling you that you will be raising this child on your own. Of course his monetary support will be virtually unlimited.

 

I really didn't want to contribute to this thread as this is quite a personal issue for myself, being that my H is the product of an A between a MM/MW. In his situation he was put up for adoption, and I think it was for the best considering his both sides of his bio family.

 

I do have a stepchild, and I accept him as part of my family. He though for his part accepts that he can't change that I am M to his dad, but even after 8 years he hates that I won't give him a reason to not like me. By the same token though if I am brutally honest with myself, I couldn't see myself being as accepting of a child conceived after our marriage. Though I wouldn't take it out on the child. And really this puts MM at odds. His own doing he can't blame anyone but himself, but if he D's the W to go build family with OW then ALL the children are going to suffer somewhat in the end. (generalization)

[bellababygirl]

Bella didn't this MM request you get an abortion? I hate abortion arguements so I don't want to go there. But by that point alone I question his planning this child and (more)children with you.

 

BW arguements are moot points. His BW doesn't know about the baby...so you can hardly argue that she has to accept this child simply because it's his when she probably will not find out at all, or won't until after the child has been born. She is more likely to accept the child and situation if it's allowed to sink in, and not a bomb blowing up multiple times in her face. (Affair, then affair producing child, told she has to just deal with choices others made for her etc.)

 

I don't really want to argue with anyone but from the things you have written about what he has said, MM doesn't seem to be as accepting of the baby as you want him to be. Things that this man has told you are paving the way to him telling you that you will be raising this child on your own. Of course his monetary support will be virtually unlimited.

 

I really didn't want to contribute to this thread as this is quite a personal issue for myself, being that my H is the product of an A between a MM/MW. In his situation he was put up for adoption, and I think it was for the best considering his both sides of his bio family.

 

I do have a stepchild, and I accept him as part of my family. He though for his part accepts that he can't change that I am M to his dad, but even after 8 years he hates that I won't give him a reason to not like me. By the same token though if I am brutally honest with myself, I couldn't see myself being as accepting of a child conceived after our marriage. Though I wouldn't take it out on the child. And really this puts MM at odds. His own doing he can't blame anyone but himself, but if he D's the W to go build family with OW then ALL the children are going to suffer somewhat in the end. (generalization)

 

 

Yes, in the beginning we talked about ending the pregnancy for timing reasons and because initially we both said it was an avenue we would explore in a couple of years. But, the more time passes, the sooner our son is to being born, the more he is becoming involved.

 

That is no promise...I dont know what is going to happen in the end...but, he is going to have to be the one to tell his BW. Hopefully he will do it in a way that is honest and least hurtful as possible. But, I really do not think she would behave as a few BW on this thread have stated. I just think there are a lot more people who are loving of children than those BW who could harbor such contempt for them.

[Impudent Oyster]

Step aside and welcome with open arms is a little extreme but what did that child do to NOT deserve its father and siblings?

 

If BW chooses to stay with H knowing he has a child on the way with OW then I don't think it is arrogant at all to expect this woman to accept the child. She has choices and whether she likes it or not her legitimate children are this bastards siblings.

 

The child did nothing to deserve any of this, but unfortunately the child's mother should have thought about the situation she was bringing this child into BEFORE she got pregnant or at least BEFORE she decided to continue the pregnancy. It's irresponsible of a woman to have a child with a married man, and any of the fallout from that rests on HER SHOULDERS, no one else's, not even the MM's because ultimately the decision to have that child is hers.

 

If people are going to go around behaving recklessly and toying with people's lives, they have to accept the responsibilites of their actions. If an illegitimate child suffers because of limited contact with it's father, it is THE MOTHER'S FAULT.

 

No wife has to accept another woman's child. If Bella doesn't like it, too bad, she better suck it up and accept the choices SHE made instead of condemning the innocent wife and children that she and MM are going to torment.

 

A husband getting another woman pregnant is a tragedy for the wife, not a blessing like Bella would like it to be. How she can't understand that is beyond me, but she should seek counseling to see just how unrealistic her expectations are.

[Impudent Oyster]

You know I hope some of what I contribute will allow some OW and BS to let go of their indifferences for a moment and look at the wonderful gift of all the children involved as just that...a gift that is part of the man they love or did love...a gift that extends their childrens extended family giving them one or more people to love...

 

You are SERIOUSLY delusional if you think any wife would look upon an OC as a "wonderful gift." Get a grip.

[bellababygirl]

The child did nothing to deserve any of this, but unfortunately the child's mother should have thought about the situation she was bringing this child into BEFORE she got pregnant or at least BEFORE she decided to continue the pregnancy. It's irresponsible of a woman to have a child with a married man, and any of the fallout from that rests on HER SHOULDERS, no one else's, not even the MM's because ultimately the decision to have that child is hers.

 

If people are going to go around behaving recklessly and toying with people's lives, they have to accept the responsibilites of their actions. If an illegitimate child suffers because of limited contact with it's father, it is THE MOTHER'S FAULT.

 

No wife has to accept another woman's child. If Bella doesn't like it, too bad, she better suck it up and accept the choices SHE made instead of condemning the innocent wife and children that she and MM are going to torment.

 

A husband getting another woman pregnant is a tragedy for the wife, not a blessing like Bella would like it to be. How she can't understand that is beyond me, but she should seek counseling to see just how unrealistic her expectations are.

 

You are hilarious...the fact that you cant even admit how bitter of a person you are. The statement that it is '"THE MOTHER'S FAULT" okay...what drugs are you taking? Why dont you just say what you are walking around??? Just say you think all children concieved with a MS and OP should be terminate because YOU DONT HAVE THE CAPACITY TO LOVE A CHILD! AND GET OVER YOURSELF!

 

You can be in denial all you would like...you have a sad little life and an empty black heart and I really pity you. I am so glad that no matter what life has thrown my way I have never lost my ability to love...espceially children. A child is always a blessing regardless of how their life came to be...if they are created and born into this world God has a plan for their life...they are meant to be here...you on the other hand are slowly digging yourself into a world of early heartattacks, depressions, and bad karma...

 

I didnt condem my MM BW or children to anything...he made the choice to have R. outside the M. So, the MM is responsible for the effects on the M he had the infidelity and the outcomes of that infidleity. You are so stupid it is just down right sad...are you mentally challenged? Did you ride the short yellow bus to school? Only someone without brain capacity could believe that the MM had no choice in the child being born...I guess his sperm magically diffused through the womans clothing and between her legs and found the egg all without any of his participation!

 

And, just for the record...NO CHILD IS ILLIGETIMATE..THAT IS A MORAL CALL ON SMALL MINDED PEOPLE. THE LAST TIME I CHECKED EVERY CHILD EVER BORN IN THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE HAS BEEN BORN OF A MOTHER AND A FATHER...SO THEREFORE HOW CAN YOU CLAIM, OTHER THAN YOU SUPPOSED MORAL VIEW (WHICH I FIND LACKING IN MANY WAYS) THAT ANY CHILD IS ILLIGETIMATE??

[bellababygirl]

You are SERIOUSLY delusional if you think any wife would look upon an OC as a "wonderful gift." Get a grip.

 

There are several that do...its called unconditional love for a child...do you need me to define that word "unconditional" for you?

[Impudent Oyster]

Just say you think all children concieved with a MS and OP should be terminate because YOU DONT HAVE THE CAPACITY TO LOVE A CHILD! AND GET OVER YOURSELF!

 

 

I will say it, because I happen to believe it. All pregnancies conceived in an affair should be terminated. I'm pro-choice and a mother who loves her children with every fiber of her being.

[RecordProducer]

I dont think any wife who cant love a child who is part of the man they love in normal in any way...so they all need electroshock treatment...

Bella, honey, you must be joking! The man they love turns into a man they hate when he gets a child from another woman through cheating. Why they stay is a different story, but to expect from them to actually LOVE the child is really unrealistic, nothing abnormal. You are talking from a pregnant OW's perspective (and I totally don't comprehend why you're sitting here, posting, and working yourself up, building negative feelings in your guts!) and you are very biased. Not for one moment have you put yourself in a position of a betrayed woman who has to accept the OW's child.

 

This is not a child from a previous or next relationship we are talking about, but a child from an affair! It's not the same and you can't convince anyone that it is. You are promoting bigamy here by saying that all women that he screws and impregnates simultaneously should be not civil, but loving and caring toward each other and the children. That can't be. Not on planet Earth.

 

I don't think you ever answered my question: if he would start living with you solely and later cheats on you and impregnates another woman, would you love her child and accept the fact that he cheated on you as a normal thing.. or would you need electroshock? I kinda think, you would have an electroshock upon the discovery that he has a child with another woman!

[bellababygirl]

Bella, honey, you must be joking! The man they love turns into a man they hate when he gets a child from another woman through cheating. Why they stay is a different story, but to expect from them to actually LOVE the child is really unrealistic, nothing abnormal. You are talking from a pregnant OW's perspective (and I totally don't comprehend why you're sitting here, posting, and working yourself up, building negative feelings in your guts!) and you are very biased. Not for one moment have you put yourself in a position of a betrayed woman who has to accept the OW's child.

 

This is not a child from a previous or next relationship we are talking about, but a child from an affair! It's not the same and you can't convince anyone that it is. You are promoting bigamy here by saying that all women that he screws and impregnates simultaneously should be not civil, but loving and caring toward each other and the children. That can't be. Not on planet Earth.

 

I don't think you ever answered my question: if he would start living with you solely and later cheats on you and impregnates another woman, would you love her child and accept the fact that he cheated on you as a normal thing.. or would you need electroshock? I kinda think, you would have an electroshock upon the discovery that he has a child with another woman!

 

 

I would deal with my emotions regarding the A. and him as a separate issue. If I stayed with him, I would entirely accept whatever child born from the A. I would welcome them into my home and make them feel that it is their home too. I would make every attempt to be civil to the childs mother in hopes that all involved could come to a common ground that would not further any negative feelings of contempt. The promotion of the childs R. with the father would be my interest...and it just so happens to promote that, I believe, the best way to accomplish it is finding a mature and civil ground for all the adult involved to interact...I mean sex happened its over...the child is forever...if I chose to stay...then yes, I would expect myself to make every effort to be a loving giving woman to any child...I dont care who they come from...

[veronese]

How should you have dealt with this? Well I don’t think yelling at his wife was very sensible in front of your son as it wasn’t her fault her H couldn’t be there. In coming to pick up your son she was doing you and her H a favor. She could have refused to do so, especially knowing that she isn’t at the top of your list of favorite people, but presumably she turned up because if she hadn’t have done no-one else would have and you wouldn’t have been able to go to work as planned.

 

So she annoys you? That’s fine but don’t let that interfere with how you behave around your child. You may not be enjoying having to deal with your MM’s BW but deal with her you must. I doubt she’s that fond of you either and probably finds you fairly annoying too, but hopefully in time those emotions will subside and you can both relate to one another more pleasantly.

 

Children deserve to be treated with love and kindness so if a BW or OW (depending on who the MM ends up settling with) harbors feelings of resentment or animosity towards his children it is HIS responsibility to address the problem immediately either by voicing his concerns about her attitude and asking her to stop treating the child/ren that way, or if she’s incapable of behaving lovingly towards the child/ren, he shouldn’t let her have any contact with them and should see them on his own away from her.

 

However in the BWs’ case, I think it unlikely that she’ll be able to interact with a child (or the OW) appropriately for quite some time after she finds out about the affair/pregnancy/child, particularly if she was until that point, unaware of her husband’s infidelity and betrayal. Because contrary to popular belief some wives really haven’t got a clue that their Hs are cheating on them, even when it’s been going on for years. They’re not necessarily stupid or in denial, there aren’t always red flags to raise their suspicions, they very often just love and trust their Hs implicitly and remain in ignorant bliss. Naïve and gullible maybe but we live and learn.

 

When these wives find out about their H’s affairs they are devastated, heartbroken, shocked, grief stricken, bereft and the truth is some of us get very close to losing our sanity and minds. Add to that the revelation that a child has been conceived I can well imagine it enough to tip them over the edge. I know it would have done me.

 

For the first 3 weeks or so after DDay I couldn’t function at all I was so shocked. For the first 12 months I was mentally unhinged and definitely neglected my responsibilities, including my children to some degree. You see the fact is that our emotions and pain in certain situations can be so intense and extreme we don’t behave as we should around our own children and families despite loving them more than words can describe.

 

Feelings can’t be controlled always, I can vouch for that. I was ashamed and embarrassed by my reaction to my Hs affairs. I wanted to behave with dignity and self respect and rid myself of the madness in my head but turns out I’m weaker than I thought and have far less self-esteem than I imagined.

 

I’m telling you this because it shows how even with the best will in the world; the kindest and most caring individuals cannot always cope with the repercussions of distressing events. If a mother can’t treat her own children as well as she should during periods of mental anguish it’s understandable that she won’t behave in an acceptable manner towards others either, especially anyone directly involved with the event causing her pain.

 

Similarly maybe the OW is unable to behave nicely towards the BW and her children either if the MM stays with his wife. I know bellababy has every intention of being respectful and considerate towards her MM’s BW irrespective of the outcome of the relationship, but the motosexlover isn’t so considerate towards her BW (IMO). Comments like: Why does she make her sefl look dumb by supporting him so much, I wouldn't!!???is she that insecure!! she looks like a fool supporting him so much !! are so unkind. She looks like a fool for supporting him does she? Not in my opinion she doesn’t. I think the woman is quite remarkable to be continuing to be in a marriage so damaged and vulnerable. Making that decision doesn’t make her insecure; her H’s disloyalty might though. But that’s irrelevant.

 

The issue here is that this woman is bugging you hugely for whatever reason and you are having enormous difficulty having to interact with her. This problem is yours, not hers. I honestly think it is you who needs to take a look in the mirror and look at how you can let go of your animosity towards her, for the sake of your son and his well being.

 

So she goes everywhere with her husband? So what? She turns up to all the court hearings? Why does that matter? She picks your son when her husband is delayed? Good! Better than him not being picked up at all if you have to go to work. He’s going back to her home to spend time with his father isn’t he? BW is going to be there too and doubtless has a relationship with your son in the role of step-mother and probably takes your son out on her own during his stays there? It’s not like he doesn’t know her, he’s part of her family too.

 

I know she butts in too much and gets under your skin with her sarky comments and eye rolling etc. but its time you rose above it and come to terms with the fact that she’s part of the picture and cannot be ignored. She has to accept you and your son’s existence in her life as well and I’m sure would prefer not to have to deal with the disruption, emotionally, practically and financially. You and your son have made a huge impact on her life.

 

Try to put your feelings aside and think always about what’s best for your child. You and BW may never be friends but do try to act maturely and with good manners when you interact with either BW or her husband in the company of your child. Count your blessings and be grateful for the positives in your situation. Many OW don’t have your good fortune. Some get little or no financial assistance and their children often don’t even have contact with their fathers when the men don’t leave their wives.

 

I know 2 women who have children by MM. One child was conceived during a fling with a MM who returned to his country and his wife and has never given his daughter a penny in the 6 years of her life and has seen her just twice. This OW told his wife about the pregnancy and the wife decided to stay with MM.

 

The other was conceived during a 4 year affair with a MM, is now 4yrs old, and since she began talking has not seen her father once. Her mother hasn’t received a penny either. His wife still doesn’t know of the child’s existence.

 

You’ve been fortunate in many ways motosexlover so try to appreciate what you have and do what you can to improve relations between you and the BW.

 

EVERYONE has feelings, this thread illustrates that perfectly. BS are riled about OW having affairs with MM and OW are riled about BS being pissed off about it. Being affronted by others’ opposing responses highlights the tendency for us all to see things from our own point of view. Insults thrown back and forth expend the energy we should be putting into making our own lives better.

 

We should remember that we can’t control others’ reactions to us and human nature being what it is; we can expect the unexpected whenever emotions run high and pain is involved. It would be wonderful if we had the self-discipline to curb our anger and restrain our negativity but we can’t sometimes.

 

If having an affair with a MM is something you’re not proud and hope people won’t judge you unfairly for I guess it’s because despite never wanting to be the OW, circumstances have resulted in it happening anyway because somewhere along the line, your emotions and feelings about your relationship with the MM have stopped you doing the right/best thing to do for you, him and anyone else involved. Your emotions have affected your decisions and altered your judgments.

 

What OW need to remember is that when BS unload their outrage on this site they are only expressing their feelings just as you do and when the affair has been recently discovered, their turmoil is enormous and sadness often indescribable. We do eventually calm down but it takes time. If their opinions come across to you as selfish especially concerning their views about OW having babies with their Hs just try to give it some thought before retaliating. By having an affair with a MM you also gambled with his children’s well being. When their mother discovers their father’s infidelity I guarantee you the children suffer as a consequence. When their mothers crumble and collapse in an emotional heap and their parents are deciding whether to divorce or not, the children really do suffer (to varying degrees) subsequently.

 

I’m not blaming the OW for the children’s pain but nevertheless in deciding to have an affair with a MM the OW has to accept that her relationship with this man will hurt his children one way or another just as the MM needs to accept the same as well and in making that decision they both should anticipate a less than enjoyable reaction from the BW.

 

Take care of your little boy motosexlover

 

veronese

[Ainsley]

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[pricillia]

You are SERIOUSLY delusional if you think any wife would look upon an OC as a "wonderful gift." Get a grip.

 

 

IO, Not that I am dillusional in the least, but not everyone can think as darkly as you are right now.

 

You are looking at this whole thing from your perspective and your perspective only.

 

I agree that this may not be the best situation to be born in and for all the parties involved it is not a open honest relationship. However if someone decides to have a child because it is what she believes is the right thing to do then that is what should be done.

 

The BS is this situation may feel differently then you do about the child, she may not be happy about it but some people actually surprise you with what they are capable of... ie loving a child of an affair or at the very least deciding to make the situation as good as possible for the sake of said child.

 

The fact is this child is coming and will be born, so try to have some compassion if you are going to reply and stop being so judgemental, this is a support forum, and that is what Bella needs, support. I am not saying oh your poor poor dear... blah blah blah... but have some comapssion

 

Yes there are two sides of the coin here and two different ways of thinking however, however... NOT EVERYONE LIVES A PERFECT LIFE WHRERE EVERY THING FITS INTO PLACE ALL OF THE TIME.

 

So Bella and her MM will just have to make some tough and complicated decisions on how to announce the upcoming birth to the BS if they are going to at all.

 

By the sounds of it she can not talk to her faimily about this situation, yeah I know why so you don't have to remind me at all.... so she needs advice and guidance...

[bellababygirl]

IO, Not that I am dillusional in the least, but not everyone can think as darkly as you are right now.

 

You are looking at this whole thing from your perspective and your perspective only.

 

I agree that this may not be the best situation to be born in and for all the parties involved it is not a open honest relationship. However if someone decides to have a child because it is what she believes is the right thing to do then that is what should be done.

 

The BS is this situation may feel differently then you do about the child, she may not be happy about it but some people actually surprise you with what they are capable of... ie loving a child of an affair or at the very least deciding to make the situation as good as possible for the sake of said child.

 

The fact is this child is coming and will be born, so try to have some compassion if you are going to reply and stop being so judgemental, this is a support forum, and that is what Bella needs, support. I am not saying oh your poor poor dear... blah blah blah... but have some comapssion

 

Yes there are two sides of the coin here and two different ways of thinking however, however... NOT EVERYONE LIVES A PERFECT LIFE WHRERE EVERY THING FITS INTO PLACE ALL OF THE TIME.

 

So Bella and her MM will just have to make some tough and complicated decisions on how to announce the upcoming birth to the BS if they are going to at all.

 

By the sounds of it she can not talk to her faimily about this situation, yeah I know why so you don't have to remind me at all.... so she needs advice and guidance...

 

 

Even though this thread begins with a heated situation...it is still one of hope and possibility. Unlike some people this BW has accepted their is a child from the OW. I dont think the BW is intolerable of the child or she would have never picked him up. I really believe the OW and BW have issues still of jealously and hurt...but they are adult issues. Hopefully, they will find a way past their clouded rationality and see that their is a beautiful child that can bring both of them love and joy into their life. The MM needs to take a part in promoting this common ground for the BW and OW as well, after all, it is his son that is being effected. All three of the adults have the responsiblity to offer this child a safe loving enviroment in which to grow and become a stable happy young adult...

 

Let us all hope that the positive offered in this thread will give the OW seeking advice the strength to take the first step and offer the first olive branch to begin a healing road to getting along better with the BW in hopes to give the very best for her son...a strong environment to love and become close in the relationship with his father...and if all capable another positive female mother-like figure to encourage and love him as well..

[ridingthebulls]

I have a question for you. What if BOTH their biological parents didn't want the child? What if the father wanted the mother to abort and she refused, do you think it's reasonable for that father to have nothing to do with a child he didn't want, other than court ordered child support.

 

Why should a person be forced to be a parent?

 

 

Who's forcing this man to be a parent?

 

If the wife is thinking such horrible thoughts about the child, she shouldn't pick him/her up or be anywhere around him/her.

The wife has made a choice to stick with a cheating spouse and deal with the fallout. That WAS HER CHOICE and she made it.

Now it's Bella's choice whether or not she wants to put her child into the care of a bitter bag of a spouse.