puddleofmud Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 "I would treat him nicely but never get rid of the feeling that I wish he was never born" One is certainly allowed to feel any and all "adult" feelings, but children do not understand "adult" feelings--they simply internalize how THEY are being treated (including "picking up on attitudes") w/ their highly sensitive, yet, undeveloped emotions. This is how a child becomes a dysfunctional ADULT (not to mention a really screwed up suffering sad little kid)! One cannot "fake it" w/ a child. So it is up to the ADULTS to provide an emotionally healthy evironment. The originator of this thread has stated in a previous thread that said wife has already been restrained by the court, so something has been historically amiss about wife's behavior. The point now is for one to not co-join w/ the behavior. Much advice was given about that in the previous thread and one can only hope it was well received... Link to post Share on other sites
bellababygirl Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 The only thing she has to accept is that there is a child born from your affair - she doesn't have to do another dam thing! The ball is in her court regarding how she choses to deal with the child... she can choose to refuse the child into her home - again the ball is in her court. Not yours as far as what she will accept or not accept. Her children are grown... I am sure the only babies this woman wants to deal with are her 'grandchildren'! Speaking of which...does your MM have grandchildren - maybe they can be playmates at the local playground! I dont think a BW wants to piss off the mother of her cheating H child, when it comes to the treatment of the child. Child abuse charges can be filed on either side... In addition, it is NOT HER HOME>>>it is her and the child's father home. if she didnt want to DEAL with OW child with her H she should have left him. He will always be a part of that child and no woman can surpass that bond...old wife, new wife...doesnt matter...blood is blood...and a childs right outweighs hers...all the time! She needs to grow up and realize her world is only as small as she is making it...and taking any emotions out on a child is the mere act of a desperate coward! Link to post Share on other sites
bellababygirl Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 WoW I can't believe my thread is still going. I've been caught up in work that I had not had a chance to come back and read responses. Well I don't feel bad! Yes I was with her man, forgive me I had made a bad decision and everyday I pay for it, huge life lesson! Trust me however through this whole ordeal I have been very respectful to her and she just seems to be a little B*T*H. She chose to take him back so she needs to deal! If she wants to give attitude I have no problem with giving it back. As far as MM he is very immature and can't deal either so he acts a fool. I had my ex husband pick up the baby from him once and I had the common courtesy to call him and ask if this was ok knowing that my ex H had no right to pick up the baby and MM had no obligation to give him my son. MM and BS just need to get it together. I only have an obligation to deal with MM not her! When she comes with attitude I just think dang girl that is the same attitude that got your man cheating on you with me! I have tried to point out on my posts to your thread that this entire problem is one of the adults. Your son's right to have a healthy relationship outweights the right of anyone else. Any adult who cant love an innocent child, regardless of the circumstance needs to remove themselves from a R. with a person who has children that are not theirs. Link to post Share on other sites
bellababygirl Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 "I would treat him nicely but never get rid of the feeling that I wish he was never born" One is certainly allowed to feel any and all "adult" feelings, but children do not understand "adult" feelings--they simply internalize how THEY are being treated (including "picking up on attitudes") w/ their highly sensitive, yet, undeveloped emotions. This is how a child becomes a dysfunctional ADULT (not to mention a really screwed up suffering sad little kid)! One cannot "fake it" w/ a child. So it is up to the ADULTS to provide an emotionally healthy evironment. The originator of this thread has stated in a previous thread that said wife has already been restrained by the court, so something has been historically amiss about wife's behavior. The point now is for one to not co-join w/ the behavior. Much advice was given about that in the previous thread and one can only hope it was well received... Thank you! Just because they are children doesnt mean they dont know what is going on...it is pitiful for any adult to harbor feelings of contempt for a child...what sad person would do such a thing... Link to post Share on other sites
mopar crazy Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 When she comes with attitude I just think dang girl that is the same attitude that got your man cheating on you with me! Oh so now I know why POS MM cheat on their W"s, b/c of their *****ty attitude!!! DAMN! Thank you moto for clearing that up for me! Link to post Share on other sites
YoMomma Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 I dont think a BW wants to piss off the mother of her cheating H child, when it comes to the treatment of the child. Child abuse charges can be filed on either side... In addition, it is NOT HER HOME>>>it is her and the child's father home. if she didnt want to DEAL with OW child with her H she should have left him. He will always be a part of that child and no woman can surpass that bond...old wife, new wife...doesnt matter...blood is blood...and a childs right outweighs hers...all the time! She needs to grow up and realize her world is only as small as she is making it...and taking any emotions out on a child is the mere act of a desperate coward! Bella... calm down this woman isn't going to abuse your child - she's probably not going to want to have anything to do with your son. And sorry to clue you in but it is HER HOME, and she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to. I am sure she's all grown up - she just doesn't have any idea that her husband hasn't! Link to post Share on other sites
bellababygirl Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Bella... calm down this woman isn't going to abuse your child - she's probably not going to want to have anything to do with your son. And sorry to clue you in but it is HER HOME, and she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to. I am sure she's all grown up - she just doesn't have any idea that her husband hasn't! We will see...I will keep the thread posted... but I still do not agree it is her home alone...just as if the MM left the BW and lived with OW...the OW and MM home is joint home, not just the OW home...and his children with his BW should be welcomed and made to feel comfortable and wanted at both their parents home! Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 SHE annoys YOU? Imagine how she felt when she found out her husband was going to be a father and you were the mother... Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Then it is a good thing you would not stay with him! Anyone who would damage a child's innocence purposefully shouldnt be alloted the privledge of being around children!Well that's disputable. What did the children from the marriage do to deserve to go through their parents' divorce? Why does the OW's child suddenly have priority over the wife's children? I don't see "being around children" (OW's children) as any privillege. It's rather a nightmare for the wife. If anyone, it's the OW who shouldn't have the privillege of being around a MM and making babies with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Who says she has to like your child? All the bw has to do is tolerate your child and not hurt the child I don't even think I could tolerate the child. Seriously, IF (and that's a big IF) I could even look at my H let alone live with him after he got another woman pregnant, he would not have any contact with his child. His mess, his choice. I think that BW was a saint to even go and pick up the child for her husband. Link to post Share on other sites
bellababygirl Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Well that's disputable. What did the children from the marriage do to deserve to go through their parents' divorce? Why does the OW's child suddenly have priority over the wife's children? I don't see "being around children" (OW's children) as any privillege. It's rather a nightmare for the wife. If anyone, it's the OW who shouldn't have the privillege of being around a MM and making babies with him. I never said the BW children have less or more rights than OW child. But, they do have have the SAME rights to... 1. Have healthy relationship with both their biological parents 2. Be shielded from any ill feelings from the adults in the situation about the other adults. 3. Should be given the support of all three adults to feel welcomed, loved and promoted to have a respectful relationship with whomever their parents are with and that they are also made to know that their relaitonship with their parents are important to all involved. Link to post Share on other sites
bellababygirl Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 I don't even think I could tolerate the child. Seriously, IF (and that's a big IF) I could even look at my H let alone live with him after he got another woman pregnant, he would not have any contact with his child. His mess, his choice. I think that BW was a saint to even go and pick up the child for her husband. If that is your true feelings then you should NEVER stay with a H who cheats on you and has a child with OW. Because you will gather so much bad karma harboring such resentment and attempting to punish an innocent child for your H lack of fidelity. Link to post Share on other sites
mopar crazy Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 As a Early Childhood Educator I can say I LOVE children dearly. This child is innocent no matter if he is a product from an A or not. This child deserves nothing but love from both his father and even the BW. In my eyes she seems like a saint to me also. If my H had a child w/ his xOW I would of NEVER taken him back. Not b/c of the child, but b/c the xOW would always be part of our lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 I never said the BW children have less or more rights than OW child. But, they do have have the SAME rights to... 1. Have healthy relationship with both their biological parents I have a question for you. What if BOTH their biological parents didn't want the child? What if the father wanted the mother to abort and she refused, do you think it's reasonable for that father to have nothing to do with a child he didn't want, other than court ordered child support. Why should a person be forced to be a parent? Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 I don't even think I could tolerate the child. Seriously, IF (and that's a big IF) I could even look at my H let alone live with him after he got another woman pregnant, he would not have any contact with his child. His mess, his choice. I think that BW was a saint to even go and pick up the child for her husband. Well you can't forbid the husband to see the child no matter what the circumstances were. It's just not right. The child deserves a father. The thing is the husband messed up by having an affair, but the consequence is really not the root of the problem. But it would be a constant emotional battle for me. I would suffer every time I would see the child. The child itself wouldn't bother me so much as much as its existence in my life and the reason for it. I would definitely insist that the child doesn't inherit anything from our marital assets after our death. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 If that is your true feelings then you should NEVER stay with a H who cheats on you and has a child with OW. . No worries there, I can assure you that were my husband STUPID enough to get someone pregnant, he'd be gone so fast his head would spin! Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Well you can't forbid the husband to see the child no matter what the circumstances were. . No of course not, but you could force him to choose between the other child or his wife. Again, his mess, his choice. Link to post Share on other sites
mopar crazy Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 RP, sometimes having the father around is worse than not. A child deserves a loving father. Honestly, I think this BW is using moto's child as a way to get back at her, to make her life he!! But I can't blame her for showing attitude towards moto either, she slept w/ her H. Moto and her MM were both dumbf@cks for not being more careful to avoid pregnancy. Link to post Share on other sites
bellababygirl Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 I have a question for you. What if BOTH their biological parents didn't want the child? What if the father wanted the mother to abort and she refused, do you think it's reasonable for that father to have nothing to do with a child he didn't want, other than court ordered child support. Why should a person be forced to be a parent? If he is not going to be a positive part of the child's life then no...but that is not this case in this thread...they are sharing custody...so it is not applicable... Link to post Share on other sites
bellababygirl Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 As a Early Childhood Educator I can say I LOVE children dearly. This child is innocent no matter if he is a product from an A or not. This child deserves nothing but love from both his father and even the BW. In my eyes she seems like a saint to me also. If my H had a child w/ his xOW I would of NEVER taken him back. Not b/c of the child, but b/c the xOW would always be part of our lives. Thank God for you...I was beginning to think all people on this thread could think about was themselves! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 If my H had a child w/ his xOW I would of NEVER taken him back. Not b/c of the child, but b/c the xOW would always be part of our lives. Great point! And it gives the OW the power to ruin their marriage forever or to make them divorce. There is no happy marriage IMHO after an extra-marital child. How would the H feel if the wife had an affair and delivered OM's child? Would he support and live with the child? I don't think so. When an OW screws a sexually starved man, it's HIS choice and their marriage is none of her business. But when she delivers his baby, she becomes a homewrecker - just like him.I have a question for you. What if BOTH their biological parents didn't want the child? What if the father wanted the mother to abort and she refused, do you think it's reasonable for that father to have nothing to do with a child he didn't want, other than court ordered child support. Why should a person be forced to be a parent?... and the wife is forced to be a weekend parent to the OW's child. I disagree with you though that the MM can defend himselfby stating that he didn't want the baby. He chose to put his dick in another woman's vagina and he has no say really nor a right to demand from her to abort it. Link to post Share on other sites
bellababygirl Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 No of course not, but you could force him to choose between the other child or his wife. Again, his mess, his choice. That is horrible. Why would you want to take a child's father from him. Link to post Share on other sites
YoMomma Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 I never said the BW children have less or more rights than OW child. But, they do have have the SAME rights to... 3. Should be given the support of all three adults to feel welcomed, loved and promoted to have a respectful relationship with whomever their parents are with and that they are also made to know that their relaitonship with their parents are important to all involved. The wife does not have to welome or love your child... I am sure she will treat your child in a 'civil' manner - but she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to - just because you say so! Link to post Share on other sites
puddleofmud Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 "I would definitely insist that the child doesn't inherit anything from our marital assets after our death". I find this quite shocking--how is this the CHILD's fault? One would continue to be married to a person who fathered the child, enjoy said marital assets and them pass them soley and ONLY to the legitimate offspring? Come on--why not just call the child an underserving freak and a bastard and get it over with? This is just midevil in my opinion. Why would an innocent child deserve such cruelty? Never the less, law may disagree. Any assets would be awarded to any children whether one would "insist" or not. An estate would most likely be devided equally between all off-spring, even w/ a will and via contestment (which the wife would have litle to NO say). Actually, it can be far worse for a spouse to contest being that said spouse may actually "invite" a judge to do what is most fair--devide all assets equally to the petioners. Should one not wish said assets to be awarded then best to divorce and keep one's "assets" to ones self. Again, I am just shocked to hear this kind of thing! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 What you call "heartless selfish and small minded" is actually natural and instinctive. Our instincts are very strong - they are responsible for the love we feel for our children. And the jealousy we feel toward our competition and her children. Men don't have this instinct developed so strongly. But we do and it's something that's very difficult to fight. It brings the worst in us even if we're loving and caring otherwise. It's easy to defend your point of view from your own balcony. Try to understand the wife and her children, try to put yourself in her shoes. You can't, because you're on the opposite side. But if your MM started seeing another woman now and got her pregnant too, how would you feel? Perfectly OK? Please don't answer how you would feel about the baby, just tell me if you would NOT be hurt by the news. When we are hurt, we're angry and when we're angry, we become mean. That's human nature. We defend our own rights and territory. Thank God for you...I was beginning to think all people on this thread could think about was themselves!You bet I am only thinking of myself and my kids. I wouldn't give a sh*t about what's best for the OW's child. And my husband is not even cheating on me.. Link to post Share on other sites
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