MM's Wife Annoys ME!

[VinaAmez]

She chose to take him back so she needs to deal!

 

So do you.

 

Your the 3rd wheel that she does not want. You can't expect her to have open arms and accept you as family. She doesn't and won't. She's going to be reminded everyday what happend and there is you and a kid to show for it.

 

How would you like her to deal with it? If you've never been married, then you have no idea what it's like to have your spouse cheat on you. She can't just get over it and move on. Doesn't work like that.

 

You don't even sound like you care what happend. Why don't you just say that you want HER out of the picture and that you want the MM to come back to YOU?

 

The only thing that I can suggest is that you all talk about it and try to come to some sort of an aggreement. Otherwise you and her boxing it out everytime you met isn't going to help and will only make things worse.

 

I don't mean to jump up your a** but can't you see why she is upset? Wouldn't you be?

[tinktronik]

WoW I can't believe my thread is still going. I've been caught up in work that I had not had a chance to come back and read responses.

 

Well I don't feel bad! Yes I was with her man, forgive me I had made a bad decision and everyday I pay for it, huge life lesson! Trust me however through this whole ordeal I have been very respectful to her and she just seems to be a little B*T*H. She chose to take him back so she needs to deal! If she wants to give attitude I have no problem with giving it back. As far as MM he is very immature and can't deal either so he acts a fool. I had my ex husband pick up the baby from him once and I had the common courtesy to call him and ask if this was ok knowing that my ex H had no right to pick up the baby and MM had no obligation to give him my son. MM and BS just need to get it together. I only have an obligation to deal with MM not her! When she comes with attitude I just think dang girl that is the same attitude that got your man cheating on you with me!

What exactly is "giving attitude" . You did state that you nstarted screaming at her and she rolled her eyes . Why were you screaming at her when you were upset with somebody that you made a baby with ?

I don't know , it sounds like to me you have a bit of attitude yourself , also . Screaming isn't going to do any good . We can post all day about what this woman may or may not do , but it sounds like she is handling the situation fairly well, and even came to pick up the child when her H was not able to make it . It sounds like the "attitude" you are refering to was her response to your sudden outburst.

[crazy_grl]

"I would definitely insist that the child doesn't inherit anything from our marital assets after our death".

 

I find this quite shocking--how is this the CHILD's fault?

One would continue to be married to a person who fathered the child, enjoy said marital assets and them pass them soley and ONLY to the legitimate offspring?

Come on--why not just call the child an underserving freak and a bastard and get it over with? This is just midevil in my opinion.

Why would an innocent child deserve such cruelty?

Never the less, law may disagree. Any assets would be awarded to any children whether one would "insist" or not. An estate would most likely be devided equally between all off-spring, even w/ a will and via contestment (which the wife would have litle to NO say).

Actually, it can be far worse for a spouse to contest being that said spouse may actually "invite" a judge to do what is most fair--devide all assets equally to the petioners.

Should one not wish said assets to be awarded then best to divorce and keep one's "assets" to ones self.

Again, I am just shocked to hear this kind of thing!

 

RP said marital assets. Don't marital assests include part of the W's income as well? Why should her money go to a child that's not hers? And in the case of a stay at home mom, she takes care of that man's house, cooks for him, and cleans for him. Should the child of some other woman who had to do none of those things get the same inheritance as her children? The OW's child could potentially get inheritance from the OW and any man that OW married. If the OW took the necessary steps to provide for her children, then she should be able to assure her child has a good future, inheritance or no. It doesn't seem fair to me that OW's child get equal inheritance. Some, maybe, but not equal.

[RecordProducer]

RP said marital assets. Don't marital assests include part of the W's income as well? Why should her money go to a child that's not hers? And in the case of a stay at home mom, she takes care of that man's house, cooks for him, and cleans for him. Should the child of some other woman who had to do none of those things get the same inheritance as her children? The OW's child could potentially get inheritance from the OW and any man that OW married. If the OW took the necessary steps to provide for her children, then she should be able to assure her child has a good future, inheritance or no. It doesn't seem fair to me that OW's child get equal inheritance. Some, maybe, but not equal.

Great post, CG. And what if the wife has contributed more than the MM? The OW's child should get what she earned?

[bellababygirl]

How did we get from the emotional well being of a child to asset splitting upon a parents death??? ATTENTION: THIS IS A REAL LIFE BREATHING LIVING CHILD THAT IS IN NEED OF BOTH HIS LOVING PARENTS...AND HOPEFULLY, LUCKILY A STEP-MOTHER THAT WILL LOVE HIM TOO!

 

It is so sad that people can look at this in a matter of "well, that OW child isnt getting this or that, not coming into MY home, only a bitter reminder of my H A...yada yada yada" ARE YOU SERIOUSLY LISTENING TO YOURSELVES?

 

What if your H left you for the OW and your children went to their father's and OW home for their weekend with him???

 

How do you want your child to be treated? How do you want the inheireance to go from that point...????

 

Let's just see if the shoe is comfortable for you on both feet???

 

God willing, I hope most OW (as I know I would be), would do everything in my power to love all my MM other children. They are innocent, they are part of the man I love, and nothing but good can come from loving a child (yours or not)...I would not treat any child of my MM any different than my own...inheirtance...I think that is something that should be fair across the board...but should not be something that comes down to his.mine.hers.

 

If my MM and i end up having a life together...all his children and even his BW would be welcome at any and all family events...from holidays, graduations, etc. etc. there will never be discourse or discomfort made from me regarding the promotion of a strong bond between ALL THE CHILDREN!

[noforgiveness]

 

If my MM and i end up having a life together...all his children and even his BW would be welcome at any and all family events...from holidays, graduations, etc. etc. there will never be discourse or discomfort made from me regarding the promotion of a strong bond between ALL THE CHILDREN!

 

 

Oh bella must I remind you again that your mm flat out told you he will not leave his wife. He did not beat around the bush. He told you that and you responded that you didn't ask him nor do you want him to.

 

I am dismayed over some saying the wife only needs to be civil to the child. I don't agree. If and a big if you actually had it in your heart to take your husband back and love him then you must extend that love to the child. Can you fully take hubby back if you can't accept the kid? Children are innocent. If you know in your heart you can't love your husbands child then you can not continue the marriage.

 

Bella I am uncomfortable with you getting upset. Your baby can feel it. Read happy things and think happy thoughts. Ok?

 

I have to ask though. How do you know so soon that it is a son?

[bellababygirl]

Oh bella must I remind you again that your mm flat out told you he will not leave his wife. He did not beat around the bush. He told you that and you responded that you didn't ask him nor do you want him to.

 

I am dismayed over some saying the wife only needs to be civil to the child. I don't agree. If and a big if you actually had it in your heart to take your husband back and love him then you must extend that love to the child. Can you fully take hubby back if you can't accept the kid? Children are innocent. If you know in your heart you can't love your husbands child then you can not continue the marriage.

 

Bella I am uncomfortable with you getting upset. Your baby can feel it. Read happy things and think happy thoughts. Ok?

 

I have to ask though. How do you know so soon that it is a son?

 

Because of MM increased age and my youngest son being born with a neurotube defect (he is in a wheelchair - but can walk short distances with leg braces and arm crutches) I use a high risk OBGYN and have frequent ultrasounds and testing...

 

I was so wanting it to be a girl...my MM said (before we knew the sex of our son) that I would have a total of three children...two girls and one boy...so, I was hoping this was a girl...not that I dont love my sons...I just want to buy pink stuff once!

 

I feel strongly about this topic, but I do stay calm...I do however, worry, about the child this thread is about. I dont think the hatefulness here is helpful to the member who made the thread when she is now dealing with a situation that is already heated. She needs tools to diffuse it, not bitter people telling her how she would be treated if she was their H OW...

 

Where is the compassion...again, I have not heard one person say anything about the MM going to the OW and the BW children visiting the their father and OW home! Isnt that odd? Maybe they would be a little more compassionate thinking of their children visiting daddy???

[bellababygirl]

Oh bella must I remind you again that your mm flat out told you he will not leave his wife. He did not beat around the bush. He told you that and you responded that you didn't ask him nor do you want him to.

 

I am dismayed over some saying the wife only needs to be civil to the child. I don't agree. If and a big if you actually had it in your heart to take your husband back and love him then you must extend that love to the child. Can you fully take hubby back if you can't accept the kid? Children are innocent. If you know in your heart you can't love your husbands child then you can not continue the marriage.

 

Bella I am uncomfortable with you getting upset. Your baby can feel it. Read happy things and think happy thoughts. Ok?

 

I have to ask though. How do you know so soon that it is a son?

 

He never says wont, he always says CANT! Lately he trys to bait me into conversations about her and D. I shut them down quickly and tell him I wont go there...if he wants one he does it on his own not at my request...I have no desire to be included in that topic.

 

I am sure many OW appreciate your heartfelt expresssions above...I agree how can you take a H back and deny any of his children...

 

Our son is doing well, I can feel him moving around and pushing against me...he is so active at night...

[Impudent Oyster]

That is horrible. Why would you want to take a child's father from him.

 

 

I love my children, and that is why I wouldn't allow another woman's child or her to interfere with their bond with their father. My husband doesn't want anymore children, I'm sure your MM doesn't either, but it's too late for that, isn't it?

 

I couldn't tolerate an OC in our lives, I know my limits. I couldn't handle it and I wouldn't expect OUR children to suffer for their father's mistake.

 

If he wanted to see the OC then he would have to do so as a divorced dad, because there is no way that I would help him take care of that child, I have my own children to take care of. Children that were planned, wanted and born in a marriage. Let the woman who foolishly got pregnant out of wedlock then wanted to keep her child care for it.

 

Sleeping with a married man is bad enough, but getting pregnant and having the child is to me, so completely wrong that if I wrote the words that enphasized how strongly I feel I would be banned.

 

Oh and, stepchildren are nothing like other children. A wife should never have to tolerate a child born to the woman who was f***king her husband behind her back. A wife should never be expected to have to contact that OW and have her forever involved in her life. Step children would be welcomed as the children of your current spouse and are to be cherished.

[Impudent Oyster]

If my MM and i end up having a life together...all his children and even his BW would be welcome at any and all family events...from holidays, graduations, etc. etc. there will never be discourse or discomfort made from me regarding the promotion of a strong bond between ALL THE CHILDREN!

 

Don't count on it. Don't count on his wife to EVER be accepting of you or your child, because odds are, she won't.

 

Did you know his status when you got pregnant (marital and financial)? Has he told his wife about you and the pregnancy or is he still keeping that a secret?

 

How do you feel about that? When is he going to tell her or is he going to try to keep it a secret forever?

[Impudent Oyster]

Where is the compassion...again, I have not heard one person say anything about the MM going to the OW and the BW children visiting the their father and OW home! Isnt that odd?

 

Not odd at all, I can't imagine any wife on the planet who would want her children to visit the OW and OC in her home!

 

You're living in dreamland, you better wake up and smell the coffee.

[DawnGuest]

How did we get from the emotional well being of a child to asset splitting upon a parents death??? ATTENTION: THIS IS A REAL LIFE BREATHING LIVING CHILD THAT IS IN NEED OF BOTH HIS LOVING PARENTS...AND HOPEFULLY, LUCKILY A STEP-MOTHER THAT WILL LOVE HIM TOO!

 

It is so sad that people can look at this in a matter of "well, that OW child isnt getting this or that, not coming into MY home, only a bitter reminder of my H A...yada yada yada" ARE YOU SERIOUSLY LISTENING TO YOURSELVES?

'

 

To some people, their spouse having a child out of wedlock would be so painful that it would be nearly unbearable. Imagine, for example, you lost a loved one in a car crash and thier body was severely disfigured. Pictures were taken of the scene. Now imagine having those pictures shoved in your face on a daily or weekly basis. How much harder would it make it for you to heal? It would keep the wounds pretty fresh, I would think.

 

A child born out of wedlock can be seen by the BS as the living embodiment of the torment their spouse has brought to their doorstep. They have every right to feel that they don't want that child to be a part of their family. It doesn't make them bad people. The baby's existance HURTS THEM. The very idea of it, destroys them inside. It's created an open wound in their lives that they are desperately trying to find a way to heal. Something is being forced upon them that they are completely overwhelmed by. People can develop PTSD over situations like this.

 

I must admit that a child born of another woman would probably make me contemplate suicide. It would break my heart that much. I would never want anything to do with a child whom would always make my heart drop at the sight of it. I know myself well enough to know I'd never be able to get past it. It would slowly eat away at me like cancer, so I would be forced to break up my family over it and purge my life of my husband no matter how much we still loved each other.

 

I love him with all my heart but I refuse to lose my sanity over him or spend the rest of my life suffering from depression and anxiety over of his poor choices.

[Impudent Oyster]

Well said Dawn. I feel the exact same way, as I'm sure many, many wives do.

[noforgiveness]

Well said Dawn. I feel the exact same way, as I'm sure many, many wives do.

 

I agree.

 

I do feel though if you choose to keep the husband then you have to accept the kid. If you can't welcome the kid into your heart then the marriage has to end. The child is innocent and needs love and not to be felt shamed or inferior.

[vanilla chai]

If that is your true feelings then you should NEVER stay with a H who cheats on you and has a child with OW. Because you will gather so much bad karma harboring such resentment and attempting to punish an innocent child for your H lack of fidelity.

 

If thats the case you will gather karma for sleeping with a married man

[DawnGuest]

I agree.

 

I do feel though if you choose to keep the husband then you have to accept the kid. If you can't welcome the kid into your heart then the marriage has to end. The child is innocent and needs love and not to be felt shamed or inferior.

As far as welcoming said child with open arms.... I don't know how natural it is for a person to have warm feelings for what they, at some primitive level, consider to be a threat and intruder in their family. It's a nice thought but I'm not sure how realistic it is. I'm sure there are some women who can but I would think they would be more more the exception than the rule.

[whichwayisup]

I'm sure your MM doesn't either, but it's too late for that, isn't it?

To be fair here, if the MM didn't want anymore children, at age 61, he could have gone to get the SNIP done.

[addicted2love]

My mother was born from an A my grandfather had. My grandmother adopted her and raised her as her own. My mother found out she was "adopted" when she was a small child and when she asked my grandmother about it my grandmother simply replied "Don't worry honey you will always be your daddy's little girl." She grew up very close to her father but did not find out that she was his biological daughter until many years after he had passed away.

 

I was too young when my grandmother passed away to remember her but I think she was one hell of a woman to raise her husbands "love child" as her own.

 

It kills my to know that my grandfather took this information to his grave and never let my mother know that she was actually his flesh and blood.

For years I haven't been able to deside if I love him or hate him for not being honest.

 

I do remember as a child though standing in the mirror with one of my cousins and finding it extremely ironic that she and I had the exact same birth mark in the exact same spot...it's a family trait (my cousins father had it too...my grandfathers biological son) How could I have the same birthmark if my mother was adopted. That memory came back to me the day I found out the truth about my grandfather.

 

To make the story even more crazy...my mother also found out at the same time that she had a half brother and a half sister born from her biological mother. What a roller coaster of emotion my mother went through.

 

Just thought I'd share

[hotgurl]

Why doesn't the BW just remove herself from the situation and the MM can have visitation at a seperate location than the martial home.

 

This way the MM gets to see the kid and the BS & OW never have to deal with each other.

 

And I think it is asking a lot to welcome and OC into your family with open arms. I don't don't think most people could do it.

 

Also it amazes me how shocked the op is that the wife is giving her attitude. What did you expect when you slept with a MM and had his kid.

[crazy_grl]

I feel strongly about this topic, but I do stay calm...I do however, worry, about the child this thread is about. I dont think the hatefulness here is helpful to the member who made the thread when she is now dealing with a situation that is already heated. She needs tools to diffuse it, not bitter people telling her how she would be treated if she was their H OW...

 

I disagree with you there, bella. I think what's been said here can be extremely helpful to the OP if she chooses to use it correctly. She's been given a lot of opinions from people about what they would do if they were in the W's situation. Given that information, OP should consider that the W is behaving in a fairly civil manner under the circumstances. If some of the posters here were married to her xMM, her kid wouldn't even see his/her father.

 

Intead of getting annoyed at W, OP can be understanding of W's feelings, suck up her pride and offer an olive branch for the sake of her own child. Ideally, W should do nothing but offer love and support for the child. But from listening to the opinions of others here, we know that's asking a lot. It'll take time and effort for that to happen. It'll also take the cooperation of the xOW.

 

If xOW can't be the better person for her own child's sake , how can she expect another woman to? It may mean OP is going to take a lot of sh*t from W and that her ego will get a lot of bruising, but if that's what it takes to get W to be more accepting of her child, then she needs to learn to live with it. She needs to put her child's interest before her own pride.

[puddleofmud]

Great post, CG. And what if the wife has contributed more than the MM? The OW's child should get what she earned?

 

A judge does not settle cases via emotions or what SHOULD be--they base rulings upon existing law. Supreme courts exist for persons who must challenge existing laws.

Most judges have heard similar cases thousands of times and they move cases quickly to clear the court's docket (this is a significant feature of their jobs w/ tax payer dollars being involved).

My statement regarding "fairness" is that most likely a judge would quickly do what is fair according to the standard of law and devide "equally" amongst the petioners all assets available--which would include marital assets.

A judge's attitude could more like "tough shyte" your H had a child from an affair--the child is legitimized by law simpy by being his child--there is no getting around that.

Judges just don't have all day to hash what is what and who did what to whom! They are mean "clock watchers" to say the least.

Future child support may also be derived from the estate as well as educational monies because adults involved are capable of supporting themselves where a child needs more monetary support.

Best to leave a reasonable will involving all parties then let something like this caught up in the court system.

[puddleofmud]

I agree.

 

I do feel though if you choose to keep the husband then you have to accept the kid. If you can't welcome the kid into your heart then the marriage has to end. The child is innocent and needs love and not to be felt shamed or inferior.

 

Absolutely and well said!

[bellababygirl]

I've never slept with another woman's husband, let alone allowed myself to become pregnant by him. Why would YOU want to take a man from his wife and children? ANSWER THAT.

 

I love my children, and that is why I wouldn't allow another woman's child or her to interfere with their bond with their father. My husband doesn't want anymore children, I'm sure your MM doesn't either, but it's too late for that, isn't it?

 

I couldn't tolerate an OC in our lives, I know my limits. I couldn't handle it and I wouldn't expect OUR children to suffer for their father's mistake.

 

If he wanted to see the OC then he would have to do so as a divorced dad, because there is no way that I would help him take care of that child, I have my own children to take care of. Children that were planned, wanted and born in a marriage. Let the woman who foolishly got pregnant out of wedlock then wanted to keep her child care for it.

 

Sleeping with a married man is bad enough, but getting pregnant and having the child is to me, so completely wrong that if I wrote the words that enphasized how strongly I feel I would be banned.

 

Oh and, stepchildren are nothing like other children. A wife should never have to tolerate a child born to the woman who was f***king her husband behind her back. A wife should never be expected to have to contact that OW and have her forever involved in her life. Step children would be welcomed as the children of your current spouse and are to be cherished.

 

I didnt become knowingly pregnant not sleep with another woman's H. Do I continue to sleep with a man whom presented himself as single that turns out to be married...YES! But, I never set out to be an OW, nor would I knowingly ever begin a R with a MM. At this point we have a R. emotions and a child on the way, so, no...I am not going to walk away from my R. with another woman's H. His relationship with her is something HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR! All she deserves from me is honesty and a civil kind tongue in the event she ever contact me.

 

I have surprising news for you, but YOUR CHILDREN WOULD BE HALF-BROTHER/SISTER TO THE OW CHILD! LIKE IT OR NOT YOUR CHILDREN WILL ALWAYS BE A PART OF THAT CHILD - BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL A PART OF THEIR FATHER!

 

Let's be honest, it's not about YOUR CHILDREN!!! It is about YOU! And your insecurity and inability to seperate your bitter hatred for the existence of an A. that obviously you feel some type of failed ability to keep your H in a marriage without infidelity...taking it out on the OW child is just sad anyway you want to justify it...can you spell "BULLY!"

 

Actually. we (MM and I) spoke of having children in a couple of years...and he is obviously capable of having children, so he has not taken any measures to end that ability!

 

It is only in your mind that you believe your children would suffer from a R. with their half-sibling!

 

YOUR WORDS: "If he wanted to see the OC then he would have to do so as a divorced dad, because there is no way that I would help him take care of that child, I have my own children to take care of. Children that were planned, wanted and born in a marriage. Let the woman who foolishly got pregnant out of wedlock then wanted to keep her child care for it."

 

So, I agree with one thing you speak of...since you cant handle loving an innocent child then yes, YOU SHOULD MAKE HIM A DIVORCED DAD!

 

By your statements above is sounds like you believe the only children WORTH being cared for are those born in a marriage, planned and wanted. I think you will have several people disagree with you on this one. Your last statement shows your pure contempt for OW and innocent children...the last time any law I know looked at a child's right...they have the right (and deserve) support from both parents who created their life! SO, even the high courts disagree with you there!

 

I had intentions on sharing children with my boyfriend but not for a couple of years...I wanted to spend more time with him, do some traveling...etc. which would prove more difficult with a new baby...

 

Last time I checked it takes more than one to get pregnant. I am not ashamed of any of my children and nothing you say or do would ever make me believe they are any less loved, wanted, or worthy of a full loving happy life...

 

YOUR WORDS: "Oh and, stepchildren are nothing like other children."

 

ALL CHILDREN ARE ALIKE IN THE RESPECT THEY ARE INNOCENT AND SHOULD BE CHERISHED AND LOVED! If you are incapable of loving children, for whatever reason you need to justify to yourself that it is moral, then you have more serious problems than OW!

 

YOUR WORDS: "A wife should never have to tolerate a child born to the woman who was f***king her husband behind her back. A wife should never be expected to have to contact that OW and have her forever involved in her life."

 

A CHILD SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO TOLERATE SUCH A HATEFUL UNLOVING TENSE ATTITUDE AS YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE...THEY DID NOT CHOSE THEIR FATHER, AND OBVIOUSLY NOT YOU! IF YOU DONT WANT TO BE EXPECTED TO HAVE CONTACT WITH OW OR HER CHILD THEN DONT STAY MARRIED TO A MAN THAT HAS A CHILD WITH HER!

 

YOUR WORDS: "Step children would be welcomed as the children of your current spouse and are to be cherished."

 

WELL, IF YOUR H LEFT YOU AND MARRIED OW GUESS WHAT THAT MAKES YOUR CHILDREN TO HER! YEAH, LETS SEE HOW YOU LIKE THAT IDEA! CAN YOU SEE YOUR DOUBLE STANDARD BITTING YOU IN THE A**! HOPEFULLY, YOUR H OW WOULD HAVE A LOVING GERNEROUS ATTITUDE TO SOMEONE WHO WOULDNT BE SO INCLINED IN RETURN!

 

I can't say if your attitude is unusal for a BS, as I have never been a BS. I do find your attitude selfish and sad. I am very thankful that I am not a bitter person and could never, under any circumstance, hold a child responsible for the acts of their parents!

[bellababygirl]

Don't count on it. Don't count on his wife to EVER be accepting of you or your child, because odds are, she won't.

 

Did you know his status when you got pregnant (marital and financial)? Has he told his wife about you and the pregnancy or is he still keeping that a secret?

 

How do you feel about that? When is he going to tell her or is he going to try to keep it a secret forever?

 

 

From what little I know of her, she is a very charitable woman. I dont see her having contempt for any child. But, that bridge has not been crossed, so I can not give a definite answer...but seeing as you dont know her...you cant either.

 

I did not know his identity/status when we became pregnant. I dont know what he has told his BW. I dont really care...he will have to deal with his M. I am glad I am not a cheating spouse, nor a BW.

 

I am sure she will find out eventually, one way or another...but, it will be something he tells her or she discovers on her own (if she were to call me I would be honest with all her questions) so, I am neutral on the when...

[pureinheart]

You said it Bella....Bitter, angry people....that is what frieghtened me about this little guy going with the BW....it's so easy to be mean to a little kid, happens everyday....

 

You know Bella, I love your attitude concerning children....also noforgiveness....I can tell you all really love kids....with so much abuse going on it touches my heart greatly to hear your words....