2 wrongs never make a right

[Goosey]

Okay this is me being in a place where I am several thousand miles away in a foreign country and no one close enough to discuss this with, other then the woman I just broke up with.

 

Starts off with her still being on a online dating agency called frie*dfinder, months after we met and started to date. When I asked her about this ...Oh it's just for email! I didn't say anything but the seed of jealousy and doubts had been sown. She has a hotmail account, so why not use that?

Anyways ...she has kids (like I do) and she was pulling a night shift ...me being nice suggested I do the babysitting for the night.

At her place and she is very furtive around her pc. This is just fueling my fears.

She goes to work ....I log onto her pc (YES I KNOW ....BAD, BAD, BAD --- A BIG NO NO)

So I look into her mail and voila. My fears are realised.

 

Here is what I found in emails from her to another.

 

ok its mornin time and i woke up having a wierd, super dreamy cant shut my brain off sorta sleep......hmm....you messed with my sleep toothman! damn you to hell.....i cant email all my thoughts at present since i am naked and need to get dressed...

 

whats the universal love thing?

 

a smooch is a smooch and a hug is a hug.....you dork...so if you send one...send it directly to me...i am very selfish in that way.....lol

 

"yes i want to meet you...i am struggling with my situation at the minute.....some elements of my relationship are good some are not as good"

 

"start noticing all the little quirks that bother me about him."

 

"he is vacuuming my floor currently....oh lord...even that is annoying me"

 

"i carry my cell phone in my bra at work on vibrate of course....so if you wanna buzz me you can...lol...i have your number in my brain and will know it is you...lol....so beware young man...."

 

She defends this as being taken out of context. The context was in relation to oral sex oh and books based on the power of attraction.

 

Long story short. When she gets home I call her on it.

I call it off. She wants to get back with me. We agree to forgive each other.

I stipulate that she can talk to whoever she wants online about whatever she wants ...on one condition ...if she needs to hide it, then she knows she has gone to far. If I was do it on her ...what would she think and how.

I give her my word that I will never go behind her back and betray her trust and she to take into consideration my feelings about such engaging topics with other men.

 

So far so good. She then starts to talk about it with others ..so far so good. She starts rationalizing her actions, saying that she had NO intention to get physical with anyone, also that she has been engaging in similar topics online with other men. What freaks me out is the content of the emails I read and that I should just blindly accept that she would never do the dirty, when I already feel she has, not physically but cyberly ...is that even a word??

 

Yes I hold my hand up to doing what I did in the way that I did ...but what I found and how she is trying to rationalize it.

 

I just want some thoughts on this ...but PLEASE ....NO ONE UNDER THE AGE OF 30 RESPOND. I am sure you are maybe more mature then I am, etc, etc but you're too young for me.

[Madeamistake]

....NO ONE UNDER THE AGE OF 30 RESPOND. I am sure you are maybe more mature then I am, etc, etc but you're too young for me.

 

Lol! Guess I cant help you.

 

[woodyman]

Why no one under 30...is 20 too young to understand a feeling ?

 

I mean I too, through a similar circumstance with the "out of line" talking, have experienced it.

 

But if it is no good, then fair enough.

[Krytellan]

Well, I'm 32 and a mental health therapist, so I guess you could say I'm mature. I would like to help, but I just can't get over how much of a slut your g/f sounds like.

[bleedinghrt]

Someone once said to me "If you say (type) something and someone else hears (reads) it then it makes it true"

 

It doesnt really matter if her intentions were to really meet up with people or not. It is a matter of respect for you and your relationship. If she doesnt want a committed relationship and would like to date others then she should just come out and say that. Is she looking for a new ship and your the lifeboat.

[reservoirdog1]

Over 30 here. Very glad you got out of that relationship. Let's see... you'd been dating her for a few months. You'd already babysat her kids. And simultaneously, she'd been emailing some guy (are you sure the site wasn't ADULT Friend Finder, which is a no-strings sex site?), and telling him that things about you annoy her? Oh, and the part about "sorry, it was all out of context, we were talking about oral sex and attraction..." -- how does that make it better? WTF was she doing talking about oral sex and attraction with another guy? Totally inappropriate.

 

Dude, the evidence was staring you right in the f*cking face. Go back and re-read the excerpt you put in your post, and convince yourself that this slut was happy in a "relationship" with you, that she was acting in a completely appropriate way, and that she wasn't just using you --probably as a babysitting resource.

 

You sound like a classic "nice guy" who almost got totally screwed. If you'd made any long-term commitments to her that's what would have happened. Delete her number, delete her email address, and cut her out of your life. She's not worth another minute of your thoughts. Consider yourself lucky you got out when you did.

[Goosey]

Thx for the feed back to those that replied.

[Star Gazer]

I would like to help, but I just can't get over how much of a slut your g/f sounds like.

 

I would have said the same thing if I fit the age requirement.

[lindya]

Long story short. When she gets home I call her on it.

I call it off. She wants to get back with me. We agree to forgive each other.

I stipulate that she can talk to whoever she wants online about whatever she wants ...on one condition ...if she needs to hide it, then she knows she has gone to far. If I was do it on her ...what would she think and how.

I give her my word that I will never go behind her back and betray her trust and she to take into consideration my feelings about such engaging topics with other men.

 

So far so good. She then starts to talk about it with others ..so far so good. She starts rationalizing her actions, saying that she had NO intention to get physical with anyone, also that she has been engaging in similar topics online with other men. What freaks me out is the content of the emails I read and that I should just blindly accept that she would never do the dirty, when I already feel she has, not physically but cyberly ...is that even a word??

 

I think a lot of people communicate with strangers via the internet. We're all doing it here, after all - and people I've dared to discuss my internet habit with have all confirmed that they too have some or other site they're addicted to. Sign of our times.

 

Some people have fairly fixed boundaries about what they are and aren't comfortable getting into in the way of cyberspace discussion...others will quickly get very explicit with, and attached to, the cyber-buddies they chat to.

 

Perhaps your gf hasn't the intention or opportunity to get physical with any of these guys, but she's evidently using her discussions with them for sexual stimulation and she's also discussing you with them in a way that sounds both disloyal and tacky. Fine to discuss difficult aspects of a relationship with someone you find trustworthy, but disclosing relationship problems to someone you're having a lot of flirtatious banter with seems like the obvious starting point of that well trodden path people follow when they want to set up a cheating situation for themselves.

 

One of the things that concerns me about a site like this is that people come on to disclose relationship problems, get embroiled in flirtatious banter then take that flirtation to PM where they up the sexualised aspects of it. Parties tell themselves that it's just "harmless fun" or an escape from reality - but I think your post demonstrates very well how, where people don't have the ability or inclination to impose boundaries on themselves and others, it can quickly turn into something sleazy - and create genuine disruption in people's real lives and relationships.

 

This woman sounds like an immature character whose need for sexual thrills was met by cyberspace men while her need for security, babysitting and household tasks was met by you. Not a great situation for you. Just be glad you weren't married to her.