Getting worried that I'll never find the right girl

[JackBlack]

For those of you who are currently in a long-term relationship, do you feel that your significant other is the person of your dreams? Or, do you feel you've settled for someone because it's simply too difficult to find one of those individuals out there who are perfect for you? There are many things I can deal with in life, but one thing I don't think I can deal with is knowing that I settled for someone and that there is someone else out there that is more perfect for me.

 

I've only met a handful of girls that I can honestly say took my breath away - the type of girl that I can be myself around and let my guard down, totally put myself out there, and who brings out the best in me; the type of girl who causes me to feel an intense feeling of admiration and adoration (and not lust). It's almost something I can feel in my gut. Yet for one reason or another, each one of them was unavailable (long-distance, not single, etc.). Yet each successive one has made me feel that it was okay that the previous one got away, because I admire this particular girl just as much as the previous one if not more.

 

Granted, I am very inexperienced in dating (and that becomes obvious if you've read my previous posts), but I just don't see myself dating simply to date. This is not to say I would be opposed to being courted by a girl who took interest in me, but when it comes to me courting a girl that has my attention, it's really difficult for me to give 100% and take a genuine interest if it's a girl who doesn't compare to those that really struck a chord with me.

 

Admittedly, I'm still relatively young, but it seems like it's only once every few years (or more) that I meet a girl that I feel is perfect for me. And this is what worries me. I just don't want to be pushing 40 or 50 (or still looking) by the time I find that girl out there.

 

So, just to restate the question, how do you feel about your significant other? If you could describe your perfect partner (whatever that means to you), does your current significant other fit that description? If not, would you be happy settling with this person?

[hardknocks]

similar to my thread...

[SadandConfusedWA]

I wonder the same thing. How many people are actually crazy, head over heels for their boyfriend/girlfriend, and how many are just settling because the person is "nice enough"?

[allina]

Don't ever settle, it'll never feel whole and fulfilling.

 

When I look at or think of my SO I feel this huge rush of love, amazing, passionate love, yet realistic love. When I look at him I know that I will be excited, happy and passionate about him for the rest of my life.

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

One thing I don't think I can deal with is knowing that I settled for someone and that there is someone else out there that is more perfect for me.

 

This is [almost] everyone's greatest fear. Settling for someone under-par.

 

I, fighting-against-my-inner-instincts, am trying to comprehend the wholesome experience of life -that it is alright,IF the person I choose, isn't going to cause a mind-blowing-love-filled-uproar in my heart each and every day.

 

I do want to dip myself in self-less love and partnership, but at what cost? At the cost of chasing after a Utopian Love?

 

You are right, about one thing, as you have described with women:

There are a handful of men that trigger something unique in me -but, no one that truly has made a significant imprint -a lasting stamp that would make me say "Yes, this person is what I have been waiting for".

 

Sand&Water

[kindred_soulman]

Join the club.

 

I have a handful of great guys in my close group of friends. Most of them are single. Of the ones that aren't, I feel that all of them sttled except one.

 

I once thought that a man who is educated, fit, and moral would be in high demand, but this is simply not the case.

 

This is what works to help me with what you feel:

 

1) I focus on myself and remind myself that no other person can make me happy.

 

2) I do not place my perceived self worth in the hands of others.

 

3) Remind yourself there are things beyond your control.

 

4) Look around you at all the turmoil in relationships. It's much better to be single than to be a part of that.

 

These things help to place perspective for me, so maybe they will for you as well.

 

Don't ever settle, unless you are comfortable with being a sheep in a herd.

[StayClose]

I have to admit I settled. When I was in my early 30s, I was much like KinderedSoulman. After enduring lots of crap from women and finding everyone who met my list of what I was looking for to be either married or not interested in me, and was growing angry and bitter about it to the the point where that in itself was a turnoff wo women I met. I decided I would setting for someone who met some of what I was looking for instead of all of it.

 

Then I met the woman I eventually married. She was intelligent, had no kids, had political and religious views compatable to mine, was very good in bed and liked me. The problem? She was very overwieght, so she could not join me for skiing, mountain biking and long hikes. I decided that physical attractiveness was not important, that she was the best match I could find and we moved in and later got married.

 

But after the honeymoon period, emotional issues popped up. It was rough, but I've always been told "relationships are hard work" so I've kept working at it.

 

Now ten years later, she's still fat, and her sex drive is greatly diminished, I've been working out for the past year and still have a strong sex drive. I think about divorce frequently, but having been a frustrated single guy for so many years before meeting her, I have no assurance than a better relationship is out there for me.

 

I think there are some people who marry the spouse of their dreams, but it may not be possible for everyone. I wish I were one fo the lucky ones.

[quankanne]

So, just to restate the question, how do you feel about your significant other? If you could describe your perfect partner (whatever that means to you), does your current significant other fit that description? If not, would you be happy settling with this person?

 

the man I married was not Mr. Right, just someone I loved and could see a future with that I felt sure about. When I met him, and long into our marriage, I still was nursing a huge delusion about the guy I was in love with in college, that he was what I wanted in life.

 

it took awhile, but I came to my senses – the man I married was the one I am meant to be with. Not because I care about him or feel sure about him, but because I realized that two people from two totally contrasting backgrounds (religious, racial, social, economic, educational) don't just come together and stay together for as long as we have without being meant for each other. Pretty much, I am where I am meant to be, with him.

 

are there things I'd change? Heck yeah, but I'm content – solidly secure – in our relationship that those things, while annoying, are really just blips or bumps we deal with, and I don't consider it as "settling" by remaining with him.

[JackBlack]

I've come to realize that, to me, one of the greatest challenges in life is to find that one person out there that is perfect for me. With many other endeavors in life, hard work and persistence will take me very far. But, when it comes to finding that perfect someone, there are so many intangibles that I think a lot of it is out of my control.

 

There is a lot of talk that dating is a primarily a numbers game, but I have to disagree. When it comes to finding that perfect person, I don't think the right approach is to simply dig your hand into the barrel of a million lottery tickets, hoping to find a winner - in theory, that could take decades. I would like to believe that narrowing the field is the better approach. That if I look at those girls that have had a lasting effect on me, figure out what it was about them, some kind of common personality trait or whatnot that I really drew me towards them, and figure out where I might find like-minded individuals.

[laRubiaBonita]

while i do not think one should "settle", i do think that there are compromises one must make to have the "perfect relationship".

 

of course the other partnmer should be making compromises too, and they should be things that you will not feel bitter about... otherwise that is Settling.

 

i wonder when i will find my "one" too, i am close to turning 30

... i thought i have found perfect guys, and i do not regret anything i have learned about my past relationshhips... in fact i embrace my newfound knowledge. I am definately a stronger person and woman because of it, and i have learned that i WILL NOT settle. i will make compromises and accomidations for my partner, but i will NOt lose who I am in the process.

 

at the same time i realize i am changing as a person each day, i become wiser...eventually, from mistakes i am making as i go through life. i need a man who will teach me and learn with me, not persacute me for erring.

 

i have always "seen" the man i marry as being my absolute best friend, that i can tell everything to and not be looked at like i have three heads...... as of yet, there is nor has been ayone even remotely close to this in my life.

[JackBlack]

I've come to realize that, to me, one of the greatest challenges in life is to find that one person out there that is perfect for me. With many other endeavors in life, hard work and persistence will take me very far. But, when it comes to finding that perfect someone, there are so many intangibles that I think a lot of it is out of my control.

 

There is a lot of talk that dating is a primarily a numbers game, but I have to disagree. When it comes to finding that perfect person, I don't think the right approach is to simply dig your hand into the barrel of a million lottery tickets, hoping to find a winner - in theory, that could take decades. I would like to believe that narrowing the field is the better approach. That if I look at those girls that have had a lasting effect on me, figure out what it was about them, some kind of common personality trait or whatnot that I really drew me towards them, and figure out where I might find like-minded individuals.

[kindred_soulman]

I've come to realize that, to me, one of the greatest challenges in life is to find that one person out there that is perfect for me. With many other endeavors in life, hard work and persistence will take me very far. But, when it comes to finding that perfect someone, there are so many intangibles that I think a lot of it is out of my control.

 

There is a lot of talk that dating is a primarily a numbers game, but I have to disagree. When it comes to finding that perfect person, I don't think the right approach is to simply dig your hand into the barrel of a million lottery tickets, hoping to find a winner - in theory, that could take decades. I would like to believe that narrowing the field is the better approach. That if I look at those girls that have had a lasting effect on me, figure out what it was about them, some kind of common personality trait or whatnot that I really drew me towards them, and figure out where I might find like-minded individuals.

 

Yeah, finding a woman that is good for you is tough work. I consider it to be the most difficult task I have ever attempted in my own life.

 

There seem to be so many odds stacked against a person. And even if you do find that person, it is a constant battle to keep the relationship flourishing. I have had more relationships end over simple misunderstandings than anything else.

 

I think the trick is to learn from your past, but not allow it to skew your views on the next potential girl.

 

For myself, over the past 3 years I have dated more women than I can remember. There always seems to be some sort of drama attached to them, whether it be dating 3 people at the same time, seperation from husband, or general lack of respect for other people.

 

It's tough man, and I don't have an end - all solution to offer you. What I do myself is get involved with various hobbies, such as video games, car restoration, karate, home business, etc. For me, these things have become very fulfilling to me. I have arrived at a point where I don't even want a relationship, because all they seem to do is distract me from the positive scenarios I have created in my life.

 

I don't suggest that for everyone and some folks will tell you that my situation is sad. It's all in how you perceive it.

[laRubiaBonita]

It's all in how you perceive it.

 

No Truer words than those!