pricillia Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 I know alot of women feel insecure about their bodies, period...and when you're pregnant it's magnified... I feel great about my body now, but when I was pregnant, I couldn't even see my feet (i'm petite and my babies were BIG)...boy, it sucks to not be able to tell if your shoes match...have to make sure you have the pair right BEFORE you put them on... I didn't enjoy pregnancy, but I sure LOVE my babies... And I am sure that other women who have gone through being pregnant feel much the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 5, 2007 Author Share Posted February 5, 2007 And I am sure that other women who have gone through being pregnant feel much the same way. Thank you again for your words of encoragement. My MM has never made a derogatory comment about my pregnancy figure. Actually, he asked if we can keep the size "E" breasts instead of going back down to a "DD." I told him only if he plans on keeping me pregnant all the time! I am self-concious about my pregnancy figure. I am 6 ft tall...so I never look super round and pregnant until the later part of my pregnancy. But, now that I am showing, my stomach is hard and rounded. I dont have stretch marks, but I havent gained any weight...I just think I am losing muscle mass. I can still wear all my normal clothes (pants) I just cant zip them up fully so I use the bella bands to extend the wear...so, I am not quite into maternity clothes yet. I have some, but they look baggy on me, YUCK! The tops that button up dont have a chance to fit, so tops are made of stretchy material. Well, my breasts are huge and they make me feel like a porn star...I mean guys are gawking and it makes me uncomfortable. Besides, nothing grosses me out more than a guy hitting on a pregnant woman. How could they want to sleep with a woman carrying another mans child? YUCK! My MM still says I am beautiful, we still have a very passionate sex life...nothing has changed in that manner. But, you have to understand. I am insecure. He is a beautiful man, a fit hard body, and I know women hit on him all the time...women I am sure are in their 20s even with nice non-pregnant bodies. You know, I worked very hard for several years on my body. My diet was so strict, my cardio plan, my training...fitness and competing became like my religion almost. And now, I am pregnant and have no control over my body. It was the only thing I had control over going through ending a bad marriage, relocating, beginning a new relationship...and now, my R ended up with me being in love with a MM instead of single man...my waist is disappearing, and I cant wear one of my bras even... I had horrible morning sickness for my first trimester...I cant take my supplements for competing...I have lost control of my entire life...and my body, well, it just ...I just dont feel beautiful...well, I do when my MM and I are together...but when we are apart...I dont feel pretty at all. And those SICKOS hitting on me at the gym, etc. gross me out...I'm pregnant, hello...I may not be wearing a wedding ring, but obviously I am seeing someone! Sorry, just having a moment... Link to post Share on other sites
Karma24 Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 Kudos to you...your posts are a scream. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 5, 2007 Author Share Posted February 5, 2007 Kudos to you...your posts are a scream. Thanks...I know I go off on a tangent at times...not meaning to vent at everyone but my hormones get the better of me... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 7, 2007 Author Share Posted February 7, 2007 My MM works upwards 70 to 80 hours a week...so we only see each other once or twice a week right now...all depending on his work schedule and if he is in the state (conuntry). Well, we last saw each other on Friday before last. Today being Wednesday (this coming Friday it will be two weeks since we last saw each other.) Anyway, he was out of the country for a little over a week. He came back into the country but not our state...he was suppose to be back to see me this Wednesday or Thursday, so I scheduled my work around that. Well, now he is back in DC again and not home yet. Then he is going straight to the East coast and wont be back until this weekend. He has called me everyday. He called me yesterday, but I had to take my son to the dentist so I couldn't talk long. He said he was going to call me back that night...Well, 9PM came, then 10PM, etc. and I sat here getting more and more furious that (1) he had not called and (2) I am sitting here waiting for my phone to ring! So, I sent him the following text messages: "I am not waiting up for you anymore, you obviously are not going to call. How is it you make me so happy and so miserable at the same time?" "Maybe you are to busy for me and you? I have an amnio tues. and have dentist again on Mon. so I dont think I will feel like visiting then." "Maybe when you miss me you will make time and MAYBE I will be here? Good night, Be safe." Then at around 11:30PM my phone rings and it is him. I pick it up and say,"I AM NOT HAPPY!" Then I hear a dial tone. I am assuming he hung up. So, I sent the following text messages in response to his dial tone... "Are you just calling to see if I am tossing and turning in bed because all I can think about is you and what I dont mean to you? Why do you play with my heart?" "I am never going to be in your life, why cant I just stop loving you? Even after you said you dont know how you will feel about our son, already knowing we are having one, I still make excuses for you. I am never going to be more to you, why do I still want to please you?" "Why do you make me love you? I am tired of crying...just tell me the truth...you want girlfriends, sex, thats it. Tell me you arent happy when we are together. Tell me you dont want me or our son, dont give me hope only to crush me. You have no idea how I love you, how i want to care for you." "I will leave the state after our son is born if that is what you want, I will see you everyday in the face of our son...how will I ever be able to stop loving you?" That was it....I did not text him anymore. Well, this morning, bright and early he calls. "How are you?" He asks. How the hell does he think I am? Anyway, he said he received all my text messages. And he is sorry. He understands how I feel and he is working...but as soon as he gets back home he will be here. I told him I feel ridiculous. I make myself convient for him, for his schedule, and it seems like nothing I do is good enough. No matter what I do he still hasnt made it to see me in almost two weeks (as of Friday). I told him working or not, if he wants to see me he will make it happen. I told him making me wait and ask when he is coming over, then I havent seen in almost two weeks, makes me feel like he is trying to avoid me. Well, if you dont want to see me, tell me...so I dont feel like you are avoiding me. I asked him, "Do you miss me at all?" He stopped me from talking and said loudly, "YES!" Then he spelled it out..."Y-E-S" I miss you. I know I work too much. When I am back in town we will have a long talk and I will change things and make it right. He said he misses me and is so sorry for how I am feeling right now. He knows he needs to slow down. I told him he works too much. He is burning the candle at both ends until there is nothing left in the middle. He said I sound just like his mother! I replied, "great, now you say I sound like your mother?" He told me she would love me, her and I are a lot alike. She is my biggest ALIA. That I don't understand at all! Anyway, He was so loving and sweet on the phone. Very apologetic and understanding...I told him if he comes back on Monday or Tuesday I wont feel like visiting since I have the amnio and the dentist. He told me he will wait for me...he will come over Wednesday, Valentines, and make it up to me. How in the world am I suppose to stay mad at him and try and break away when he is so flippin' nice when I am yelling at him? Then he says all the right things to make everything better! He is making me crazy! Completely crazy! Is this what MM do? Is this just part of a game? God, I am so confused and absolutely frustrated. And to make it worse I havent had sex in nearly two weeks and my hormones are on overdrive! Why didnt he get mad at me for yelling at him? Why and what does he mean his mother is my biggest alia? How is he going to make it all right when we have this long talk? I hate men! The least could have done is given me a daughter! Three boys, I am never going to get to buy pink! Sorry, just need to vent today...I am sleep, sex, and obviously common sense deprived! Link to post Share on other sites
Lezbean Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Gee Bella, That all sounds so romantic. You live your life around waiting for his phone call and waiting to be his booty call. You sure are lucky to be pregnant by someone like him. That was thoughtful the way he hung up on you when you started to nag him like a wife would. Of course he just wants a girlfriend! He wants fun....not a nag. Link to post Share on other sites
YoMomma Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Anyway, He was so loving and sweet on the phone. Very apologetic and understanding...I told him if he comes back on Monday or Tuesday I wont feel like visiting since I have the amnio and the dentist. He told me he will wait for me...he will come over Wednesday, Valentines, and make it up to me. Sorry, just need to vent today...I am sleep, sex, and obviously common sense deprived! If he is going to be back in YOUR state on Monday - why doesn't he go to the doctor with you - especially your AMINO visit? Forget Valentines day - he should be with you at the doctors visit - don't you agree? After all this is what you both want... and he is the father - who wants to be involved in his sons life? Right? Link to post Share on other sites
YoMomma Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 My MM works upwards 70 to 80 hours a week...so we only see each other once or twice a week right now...all depending on his work schedule and if he is in the state (conuntry). Well, we last saw each other on Friday before last. Today being Wednesday (this coming Friday it will be two weeks since we last saw each other.) Anyway, he was out of the country for a little over a week. He came back into the country but not our state...he was suppose to be back to see me this Wednesday or Thursday, so I scheduled my work around that. Well, now he is back in DC again and not home yet. Then he is going straight to the East coast and wont be back until this weekend. be able to stop loving you?" Bella - Does your MM know you are giving out so much information about him and his daily whereabouts on a public forum? Really... I don't think it's such a good idea - unless you want someone to find out who he is (if he is) and what he does? Also, just an FYI - DC is on the East Coast Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 If he is going to be back in YOUR state on Monday - why doesn't he go to the doctor with you - especially your AMINO visit? Forget Valentines day - he should be with you at the doctors visit - don't you agree? After all this is what you both want... and he is the father - who wants to be involved in his sons life? Right? We live in the same state. Yes, I agree he should go to the doctor with me - the amnio scares me - but, he says has to be careful. No one knows of our A. - that I am aware of. Yeah, I think the Valentine thing is just a ploy to make-up for being gone. Yes, he will be in our son's life, but he said he cant be a full-time father. But, he doesnt want another man raising him, nor does he know how his feelings will change when our son is here. He has predicted the next two children I have will be two girls...I asked him if that is his expectation and he just smiles and says it's his prediction... he confuses the hell out of me... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 Bella - Does your MM know you are giving out so much information about him and his daily whereabouts on a public forum? Really... I don't think it's such a good idea - unless you want someone to find out who he is (if he is) and what he does? Also, just an FYI - DC is on the East Coast No, he doesnt know I talk of him at all! His whereabouts are not exact, so I am not worried about that...being out of the country leaves a great deal of other land to cover...so does East coast. No, I dont want anyone to know our identity. There are specific details about him I have purposefully left out because it would be a dead give away as to our identity. So, I am careful in that respect. I hope members are going to give us the same privacy they themselves wish for in return. I know DC is on the west coast. I said he was in DC and going to the east coast.... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 What do you mean, next two children? Are you planning on having MORE children with him??? I understand your pregnancy wasn't planned...But seeing as he's married, doesn't want his wife to know about you and his impending new baby...And he doesn't want another man raising his kid? WTF. I haven't caught up on what's been going on with the lawyer stuff, so I don't know what is going on there... HE'S now living a double life. Making plans to have more children with you? Sorry but it's insane of him to do that and expect NOT to be caught. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 We live in the same state. Yes, I agree he should go to the doctor with me - the amnio scares me - but, he says has to be careful. No one knows of our A. - that I am aware of. Yeah, I think the Valentine thing is just a ploy to make-up for being gone. Yes, he will be in our son's life, but he said he cant be a full-time father. But, he doesnt want another man raising him, nor does he know how his feelings will change when our son is here. He has predicted the next two children I have will be two girls...I asked him if that is his expectation and he just smiles and says it's his prediction... he confuses the hell out of me... Bella you are letting this man control your thinking, gosh try to take a step back from the whole thing and not get wrapped up in the craziness, I am confused as to him not wanting children and now he is predicting two girls... Seeing a lawyer was a great idea, but also speak to a professional about this to sort out your feelings and emotions, he is controlling you, is that what you really want, if so fine... but it will eventually get the best of you if it hasn't already Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Next two children?! How on earth are you going to support the three you will have, much less two more on top of that? Your MM is in his middle sixties. He isn't going to live forever, and I hate to even bring this up - but how sure are you that he will provide for his children with you after he is gone? Is he planning on rewriting his will? What on earth will you do if he fails to do that before he dies? Have you given any thought at all about the long term? Your time with this MM and his money are limited. I really hope you wake up and get your legal ducks in a row before you find yourself alone with children and no way to support them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 What do you mean, next two children? Are you planning on having MORE children with him??? I understand your pregnancy wasn't planned...But seeing as he's married, doesn't want his wife to know about you and his impending new baby...And he doesn't want another man raising his kid? WTF. I haven't caught up on what's been going on with the lawyer stuff, so I don't know what is going on there... HE'S now living a double life. Making plans to have more children with you? Sorry but it's insane of him to do that and expect NOT to be caught. I am not planning anything at this point. He always makes statements that are open-ended like that...he makes me crazy! If we are together, not just an A. and he is being a full-time father to our son then if he wanted more children then I would consider it. But the situation would have to be totally different. He would have to show, not tell me, that he is serious about our family. I think at that point he would have to expect things with his BW to be different. Either a D. or they remain M. (I think strictly for financial reasons) and she knows what is going on. (Kind of like - I think - it is Tommy Hilfiger that is still M. but has an openly public live-in longtime OW)... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 Bella you are letting this man control your thinking, gosh try to take a step back from the whole thing and not get wrapped up in the craziness, I am confused as to him not wanting children and now he is predicting two girls... Seeing a lawyer was a great idea, but also speak to a professional about this to sort out your feelings and emotions, he is controlling you, is that what you really want, if so fine... but it will eventually get the best of you if it hasn't already he makes me feel like I am on a rollercoaster...YOu know how exhilerated you are when you are going through that loop, but then it only lasts like 5 seconds...then when I try to yell at him or be mad at him he is only nicer and nicer to me...sweet, loving..etc. he makes me crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 Next two children?! How on earth are you going to support the three you will have, much less two more on top of that? Your MM is in his middle sixties. He isn't going to live forever, and I hate to even bring this up - but how sure are you that he will provide for his children with you after he is gone? Is he planning on rewriting his will? What on earth will you do if he fails to do that before he dies? Have you given any thought at all about the long term? Your time with this MM and his money are limited. I really hope you wake up and get your legal ducks in a row before you find yourself alone with children and no way to support them. I havent got to talk to him about the attorney yet...I want to do it in person and I havent seen him since I talked to the attorney. So, right now I am at a stand still. All the questions are totally valid...and I want answers to them. But, I have to get time with him first. I wonder what the "long talk" he wants to have to make things right is about? Sometimes I think he is as confused as he makes me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 I got the "FAKE" name he gave me which was part of his tatooed designed for him COVERED UP today! YES! His nickname is still there though...It is too large to cover...but his fake name is gone...he knows how much that hurt me that he lied to me for so long... just an update Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 I got the "FAKE" name he gave me which was part of his tatooed designed for him COVERED UP today! YES! His nickname is still there though...It is too large to cover...but his fake name is gone...he knows how much that hurt me that he lied to me for so long... just an update Oh Bella, I think that this man has done you wrong...Can you see it, just talk to your lawyer, lean on your family and friends and stop using him for emotional support, He is messing with your head...and he could possibly ruin your life. Link to post Share on other sites
cbl Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 I am not planning anything at this point. He always makes statements that are open-ended like that...he makes me crazy! Bella, MMs say things like this.... even single guys say things like this to their girls when they are dating! you have to watch their actions than to let their beautiful words mess with your mind... Link to post Share on other sites
YoMomma Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 I know DC is on the west coast. I said he was in DC and going to the east coast....[/quote] Bella... Washington DC is on the EAST COAST. Link to post Share on other sites
YoMomma Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 We live in the same state. Yes, I agree he should go to the doctor with me - the amnio scares me - but, he says has to be careful. No one knows of our A. - that I am aware of. Yeah, I think the Valentine thing is just a ploy to make-up for being gone. Yes, he will be in our son's life, but he said he cant be a full-time father. But, he doesnt want another man raising him, nor does he know how his feelings will change when our son is here. He has predicted the next two children I have will be two girls...I asked him if that is his expectation and he just smiles and says it's his prediction... he confuses the hell out of me... Wow.... he wants a lot of things doesn't he? Does he care about what you want? Think about it.... Link to post Share on other sites
toostupid2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Hi, I am actually going to finish off my stupid affair with MM THIS AFTERNOON. It has been stupidly long to feel this way. But I finally decided to finish off, properly. End it! We both kind of agreed with being split up, so it will be fine to talk then ba back to normal. Then he will find other women as well. It does not matter at all for him. I can not take this any more. I am stupidly hurting and it was a pain. So, if you are wndering, I think you should let it go. Do not even hung around. It is not worthy at all. Move on then have a new life. I know it will take for a while to be healed. I have been thinking of him every second but I should not. I would rather like to ask your advise. I am going to see him at last, so what is the most important thing for the kind of situation? I would not fight but just talk why we should be ended. Thanks. tp Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Bella, MMs say things like this.... even single guys say things like this to their girls when they are dating! you have to watch their actions than to let their beautiful words mess with your mind... I give him every oppoirtunity to just walk off - tell me he doesnt want us - why wont he take the easy way out when I offer it? I wonder what his idea of a "long talk to make things right" is? He cant keep me in limbo all the time it is making me crazy. Either he wants to be with me or he doesnt? Why isnt that easy for him to answer? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Wow.... he wants a lot of things doesn't he? Does he care about what you want? Think about it.... I just want him to be decisive. Do something...either love me or leave me...but dont play with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 Love me or leave me...I just want him to decide. I dont think that is too much to ask of him... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts