pricillia Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Love me or leave me...I just want him to decide. I dont think that is too much to ask of him... What does this mean Bella, what is it you will actually accept from him, Do you want him to leave his wife and family, or do you just want more of his time? Is he still seeing other women in addition to yourself, how can you as him to love you when he has so many other things going on, By the sounds of it he will not get a divorce... I just don't want him to continue to manipulate you so he can get what he wants from you, think of yourself and your self worth and not that he will love you. You will have a baby with him and for that you need to be in contact with him, fine but just step away a few steps so you can put things into perspective here. Are you seeing anyone on the professional front to discuss this with? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 What does this mean Bella, what is it you will actually accept from him, Do you want him to leave his wife and family, or do you just want more of his time? Is he still seeing other women in addition to yourself, how can you as him to love you when he has so many other things going on, By the sounds of it he will not get a divorce... I just don't want him to continue to manipulate you so he can get what he wants from you, think of yourself and your self worth and not that he will love you. You will have a baby with him and for that you need to be in contact with him, fine but just step away a few steps so you can put things into perspective here. Are you seeing anyone on the professional front to discuss this with? I wont ask him to get a D. I dont want to be the reason he would D. If he D. his BW I would only want it if that is what he wanted extraneous of me. Even then, I dont want to get married. I would be content living together. M. scares the hell out of me. Maybe my fear of expectation? For some reason when you are M. you run the risk of being a BW...if not M. then he cheats and you decide if you want to make him pack it up and leave? I dont know why it is different, maybe it is not, maybe it just sounds different? So, no...I dont look for him to D. his BW. I never ask him too, so although he mentions it to me...I always say it is not something I am asking of you, nor ever will. I want more time with him. He is 61 he has accomplished so very much. If he wants to be with me, enjoys our time together, then make whatever changes necessary to have that time. I dont know if he is seeing OW still? I honestly cant say for sure. He tells me he is not that all his free time he spends with me...and he does call me frequently, his phone doesnt ring with OW anymore (he always answers his phone in front of me)...but, he has lied to me before, so I just dont know. Whenever I make the suggestion that I cant do this he is right there saying all the right things to keep me waiting. Well, our son is coming soon...there is only so much waiting until that event. He is going to have to make some decisions. He wants to work, fine I support him working...but not at my or our sons expense. Its not like he is working because he has bills to pay... I am not seeing anyone professionally...I am just trying to get him to make some sort of solid decision. I mean the "I dont know how I will feel" stuff is getting old, and quick! His long talk might turn out to be one he gets told what is what and he wont like in the end. I dont know. I get pretty upset at times...he asks me "are you having an emotional day again?" God, that just goes through me...Yes, I am having an emotional day...he keeps me on an emotional rollercoaster... Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 It's a little strange he has mentioned a couple of times that he could never leave his wife. I always respond the same to him, "I NEVER ASKED YOU TO!" So the point of staying with him is...??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 So the point of staying with him is...??? I love him...I want a life with him...for the next 20 years, 30 years, etc. etc. etc. His M. is something he has to come to terms with. If he wants a life with me he has to take actions to spend that time with me, with our family...I dont see how he could do that without making a decision in his M.? Unless his BW is content with him being with another woman and just doesnt want a D. because of financial, or public standing, etc. reasons then that is between them. But, if he wants a life with me he has to give us the time to have that life... Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 ...Yes, he will be in our son's life, but he said he cant be a full-time father. But, he doesnt want another man raising him, nor does he know how his feelings will change when our son is here.... The best hope for you and your child is that this unworthy man exits your life so you have a chance to have a new man - a decent, stands up for his family man - come into your home. Your kid deserves way better than this. Imagine yourself telling your child the story of how he/she was brought in to this world - as the son/daughter of a man who won't be a father but also jealously would try to prevent a true father from entering the child's life. BleccccHHHHHH!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 1. I love him...I want a life with him...for the next 20 years, 30 years, etc. etc. etc. 2. His M. is something he has to come to terms with. 3. If he wants a life with me he has to take actions to spend that time with me, with our family...I dont see how he could do that without making a decision in his M.? 4. Unless his BW is content with him being with another woman and just doesnt want a D. because of financial, or public standing, etc. reasons then that is between them. 5. But, if he wants a life with me he has to give us the time to have that life... 1. He is in his mid sixties. I hate to sound macabre here, but you likely don't have 20 or 30 years ahead of you with this man. You would do good to be thinking not about your 'love life' future, but the future of your children and how you are going to support them should your MM die without changing his will to accommodate the OC. 2. What makes you think he hasn't? Most cakemen have. They have a marriage, and they have OW. Nothing to come to terms with really. You don't honestly think you are the only OW he has ever been with, do you? Heck, for that matter you probably aren't the only one right now, either. 3. He doesn't have to make a decision about his marriage. He spends time with you when its convenient for him to do so, within the context of his marriage. That is working for him, so why would he possibly want to change that? 4. I'm inclined to think that is the likely case. I have no doubt that has had many affairs, and his W was bound to find out eventually. Perhaps she simply looks away knowing that he isn't ever going to divorce her. 5. He does give you time. He gives you the time left over when he is done with his work and home life. You are accommodating and accepting of that, so he has no reason to change things. This arrangement works for him, so why would he possibly want to fix something that for him isn't broken? Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 I love him...I want a life with him...for the next 20 years, 30 years, etc. etc. etc. His M. is something he has to come to terms with. If he wants a life with me he has to take actions to spend that time with me, with our family...I dont see how he could do that without making a decision in his M.? Unless his BW is content with him being with another woman and just doesnt want a D. because of financial, or public standing, etc. reasons then that is between them. But, if he wants a life with me he has to give us the time to have that life... But he already said he won't leave his wife. What?...do you just want him to have an affair for the next 30 years? Him still being married to his wife and seeing you on the side? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 1. He is in his mid sixties. I hate to sound macabre here, but you likely don't have 20 or 30 years ahead of you with this man. You would do good to be thinking not about your 'love life' future, but the future of your children and how you are going to support them should your MM die without changing his will to accommodate the OC. 2. What makes you think he hasn't? Most cakemen have. They have a marriage, and they have OW. Nothing to come to terms with really. You don't honestly think you are the only OW he has ever been with, do you? Heck, for that matter you probably aren't the only one right now, either. 3. He doesn't have to make a decision about his marriage. He spends time with you when its convenient for him to do so, within the context of his marriage. That is working for him, so why would he possibly want to change that? 4. I'm inclined to think that is the likely case. I have no doubt that has had many affairs, and his W was bound to find out eventually. Perhaps she simply looks away knowing that he isn't ever going to divorce her. 5. He does give you time. He gives you the time left over when he is done with his work and home life. You are accommodating and accepting of that, so he has no reason to change things. This arrangement works for him, so why would he possibly want to fix something that for him isn't broken? The time he spends with me will have to change substantially. If he cares for me and wants me then he will do that. If not, then I will tell him it will cause him to lose me. I will always have some type of contact with him for our son, but if he wants me then I expect him to be in my life, not a visitor! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 But he already said he won't leave his wife. What?...do you just want him to have an affair for the next 30 years? Him still being married to his wife and seeing you on the side? Read above post...I think his BW knows he has OW and is fine with it...for whatever her reasons... like I said...I think it is Tommy Hilfiger...who is MM who openly lives with his girlfriend in the publie eye...he wont D. his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Hi, I am actually going to finish off my stupid affair with MM THIS AFTERNOON. It has been stupidly long to feel this way. But I finally decided to finish off, properly. End it! Very wise of you ...you don't need that sh!it in your life. Kudos for making the change. There are plenty of single men out there....so go fishing. Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Read above post...I think his BW knows he has OW and is fine with it...for whatever her reasons... Oh I doubt this....I bet this is what HE told you and you didn't hear it from the BW. like I said...I think it is Tommy Hilfiger...who is MM who openly lives with his girlfriend in the publie eye...he wont D. his wife. If he won't divorce his wife, then there is your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 Oh I doubt this....I bet this is what HE told you and you didn't hear it from the BW. If he won't divorce his wife, then there is your answer. No, he didnt tell me this. He knows I dont want to know anything he has to say regarding his BW. I just know my circustances of meeting him and the OW before me...after decades of M. I cant beleive she doesnt know his ways too. I think some people of fame and wealth do not D. because of the financial ramifications...and some social... Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 No, he didnt tell me this. He knows I dont want to know anything he has to say regarding his BW. I just know my circustances of meeting him and the OW before me...after decades of M. I cant beleive she doesnt know his ways too. I think some people of fame and wealth do not D. because of the financial ramifications...and some social... Well if your MM didn't tell you his wife was fine with him seeing you, which I don't believe for a second, then how do you know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 Well if your MM didn't tell you his wife was fine with him seeing you, which I don't believe for a second, then how do you know? After over 30 years of M. and I am guessing just as many OW how could she not have some clue??? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 After over 30 years of M. and I am guessing just as many OW how could she not have some clue??? It's very, very easy for a globe-trotting businessman to keep his affairs secret. You, for example, have no idea if he's seeing an OW when he tells you he has to extend his trip to DC for a night or two - you haven't seen him in a couple of weeks, right? Perhaps he has an OW on the East Coast, or in London, or Munich. You know he's an accomplished liar. It would be just as easy to hide such things from his wife. One of my former co-workers adores his wife and family of 5 - but he's been cheating on her throughout their marriage, short little affairs during his business travels. He does dote on his wife and their kids, though, so she has no idea, nor does she suspect, that he meets women in Vegas, Seattle, LA, Chicago... He has no intention of leaving his family, ever. (And YES, I have been begging him to stop the nonsense and get some therapy to figure out WTF his problem is). Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 It's very, very easy for a globe-trotting businessman to keep his affairs secret. You, for example, have no idea if he's seeing an OW when he tells you he has to extend his trip to DC for a night or two - you haven't seen him in a couple of weeks, right? Perhaps he has an OW on the East Coast, or in London, or Munich. You know he's an accomplished liar. It would be just as easy to hide such things from his wife. One of my former co-workers adores his wife and family of 5 - but he's been cheating on her throughout their marriage, short little affairs during his business travels. He does dote on his wife and their kids, though, so she has no idea, nor does she suspect, that he meets women in Vegas, Seattle, LA, Chicago... He has no intention of leaving his family, ever. (And YES, I have been begging him to stop the nonsense and get some therapy to figure out WTF his problem is). He may very well have OW he is seeing in addition to me. But, if that is the case then I cant say I went into the R. uniformed and ignorant of the possibility. Link to post Share on other sites
YoMomma Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 He may very well have OW he is seeing in addition to me. But, if that is the case then I cant say I went into the R. uniformed and ignorant of the possibility. So, you allowed yourself to become pregnant and involved AND fall in love with a man that you knew had OW, too? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 So, you allowed yourself to become pregnant and involved AND fall in love with a man that you knew had OW, too? When we began dating I knew he had other girlfriends that called him, but we had just started dating...he was a single guy (supposedly) so I really had no right to demand he not talk to other women. Once we became serious his phone quit ringing and our time together increased a great deal...so, I didnt know he was married so the girls calling him I just thought were other women he dated. Which was fine because we were not a serious item and he was single (supposedly). I didnt find out the truth about his lies until after in a R., in love and pregnant! I didnt allow myself to get pregnant...we were not talking about having children for a couple of years... Link to post Share on other sites
YoMomma Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 I didnt find out the truth about his lies until after in a R., in love and pregnant! I didnt allow myself to get pregnant...we were not talking about having children for a couple of years... How exactly did you get pregnant - if you didn't allow it? How long have you known MM? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 He may very well have OW he is seeing in addition to me. But, if that is the case then I cant say I went into the R. uniformed and ignorant of the possibility. It's a shame that his wife might very well be uniformed and ignorant of the possibility - the point of my post was not about you, it was about his wife, in answer to your question about how she might not know after 30 years. Just because you think she must know - because you are already informed of his lies and cheating - does not mean she knows and is okey-dokey with him having affairs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 How exactly did you get pregnant - if you didn't allow it? How long have you known MM? I was on birth control... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 It's a shame that his wife might very well be uniformed and ignorant of the possibility - the point of my post was not about you, it was about his wife, in answer to your question about how she might not know after 30 years. Just because you think she must know - because you are already informed of his lies and cheating - does not mean she knows and is okey-dokey with him having affairs. If she doesnt know then she will eventually find out....like I said if he wants me and our son then he is going to have to have a life with us...so he will have to tell her something... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 If she doesnt know then she will eventually find out....like I said if he wants me and our son then he is going to have to have a life with us...so he will have to tell her something... And what if he doesn't want you or your son or a life with you? He wouldn't be the first man to give up all parental rights to a child born outside his marriage. He doesn't have to tell her anything - he just has to pay you off to keep quiet. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 I was on birth control... Yes, this mysterious birth control that stops working due to stress. Link to post Share on other sites
YoMomma Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 How exactly did you get pregnant - if you didn't allow it? How long have you known MM?[/quote] I was on birth control... You still haven't siad how long you've known MM... and when you became serious. Link to post Share on other sites
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