Friends, FWB, then boom! crash....

[kkat]

This is an entirely new situation for me and unique to any experience I have EVER had in any of my long dating life.

 

Help?

 

Scenerio:

I'm single, live in the city, work from home, spend lots of time jetting in and out of my apartment to run errands, coffee, and walk my dog. I'm super friendly and know lots of people on the street, other artists and writers and people who work from home and are around all day, the workers from the street, the dog people and dog walkers, etc.

 

I got to know my UPS delivery man - like most of us on the street do. His route is my street and one or two blocks radius, so he is literally here all day long, 5 days a week. I see him constantly and he's always chatting me up, asking me where I'm going/coming from, how's my dog, wassup, wassup, wassup....After about a year it progresses to do you have a boyfriend...when are we going out....blah blah blah. And some more slightly indepth conversations - a bit about his new phone, my new phone; his real estate investments, my work out progress, etc. etc. And whenever he comes to my apartment for a delivery (1-3x a week, more chit chat, etc.)

 

At some point, he ended up with my phone number (mobile) which I don't remember giving him - but he started texting here and there, I would respond, hi etc. but nothing much. A couple here and there, and this went on for months.

 

I am about 10 years old than this fine young Usher look alike, and I am a white, extra curves lady. He is seriously fine.

 

Boom - 3 months ago - he goes in for the move again with the "when are you going out with me" bit. I usually would just laugh and keep walking, but that day I turned around and said, oh how about Thursday night. He kept his cool, smiled as big as his truck, and said great. He followed up, picked me up for our date, and took me to a lovely restaurant and we had a great time. He kept saying that he couldn't believe how long it took us to do this, that he couldn't believe how much fun it was, etc. I was surprised when we got to my place he made NO MOVE whatsoever, nothing, but I thought hey - maybe he was just looking for friendship, and not booty as I had suspected might be the case.

 

Over the next few weeks, lunch at my place turns into a sexual encounter, and that led to lots of fun booty calls and "special deliveries". The sex was incredible, fun, and I was enjoying it alot. A couple of times I got upset that he wouldn't call me really in between or say hi on the phone or text randomly like he used to. Once I mentioned it, and he said that actually my texting him was a problem because it is so hard for him to text or call from his job. I was like, ummm, ok -- I thought this might be somewhat true but clearly he had managed to text and call - and hello - find time to bed me - while working, but I let it slide. I wasn't looking for anything too serious so it didn't matter to me.

 

Most of our encounters took place during the day, while he was working. A few times, he made plans to come to my place after work and we hung out, had sex, chilled, and he spent the night.

 

After one really nice sleepover, I left the next morning for holiday. He had made a special effort to spend that night with me (his idea) when he found out I was leaving the next day, and seemed surprised and almost upset that I was leaving and hadn't emphasized this to him. I had certainly mentioned it but whatever.

 

Anyway, we had a great night, then I flew out of state Christmas - and called and texted him several times during my 2 week trips. I received no reply from him. Nothing. At some point, never considering he was dissing me, I even left a message saying that I hoped he was OK, as I knew he has little family, his mother died recently and he never knew his father..and I wanted to wish him a good holiday season and hoped he was well.

 

When I returned, we spoke on the phone (I definitely called him) and he said oh, he had just been working so hard, so busy, etc. He also implied that he had found my messages annoying. I said, oh look, I return phone calls from my friends, I reach out for my friends for holidays, etc. - I didn't mean to be annoying. I didn't like his attitude about this but....

 

The next morning he showed up unexpectedly for the best sex of my life and he was hilarious, doing this whole "special delivery" routine and being super attentive sexually, etc. A few more romps like this over the next week then....

 

Another discussion of him feeling I had texted him too much again, and that it was a problem for him. I said I didn't understand, I didn't think a couple of texts to confirm plans were excessive, but that ok, I'd keep that in mind. He went into a big rant about how he felt that I didn't understand or respect how hard he works, that he thinks I have no concept of the difference in my life and his, and that he "knew what I was used to, he had been seeing me for years, he sees the guys I date, the flowers, the presents, their expensive cars, etc."...little did he know that one of the guys was my ex-MM -- the heartbreak of my life, and that another in his expensive Merc is my gay friend - and he specifically kept mentioning one hot guy friend of mine and saying that he sees this guy on my street all the time, he "knows" he stays over at my apartment (never has!) and that he "knows" this guy is into me, etc. He is telling me all this at the same time that he is saying that my frequent texts concern him because he thinks I am getting more serious, and that he can't get serious, he never wants to get married, blah blah.

 

I giggled and said, look I love what we have going on - I would like to go out a bit more, have you call a bit after sex - but I am SO NOT serious right now - I have no intentions other than in the moment. Plus, you are the one who seems quite jealous.

 

He left and then came back and said look, I want to do what you would like. I was shocked but it sounded great. We made plans for the next night to do what I wanted - dinner, spend evening together, him spend the night.

 

That night, I drunk dialed him around midnight. He became furious, apparently, altho I didn't realize it at the time. The next day, I called him to say, hey whats up for tonight - what time, etc. - as we had these plans he had made with me 24 hours before - he said "dont call me or text me ever again". Later that day, he threw a package in my lobby without having me sign for it, something he has never done in years.

 

I saw him on the street the next day, said hi in a friendly way, and he started up a conversation with me - like nothing had ever happened! Ten-fifteen minutes - and I had to go - so I said Ok gotta get back to work - talk later - have a great day...and left thinking ok maybe he is sorry, we'll see what happens....

 

I called him three days later to ask him to keep an eye out for my new computer coming via UPS that day....and he hung up on me. He texted me and said in an unbelievably aggressive and rude way - basically saying "I told you do not call or text me again EVER."....

 

I called him to find out what happened and why he was so upset. He hung up on me. I got so pissed that I left him a gazillion nasty text messages. (Stupid I know).

 

Since then, every single day I have gotten a UPS by some random delivery guy - so my guy has obviously got his buddies on adjacent routes delivering to me.

 

I saw him on the street, he wouldn't speak to me. I let a week pass, I texted him and said that again, I apologized for anything I did or said that offended him and that I wish we could chat and ease the tension.

 

He texted me back and said that he was changing his phone number so I would leave him alone.

 

OK, I was involved with a MM for years and I know ALL the signs and signals. I asked this guy a million times if he had a wife or girlfriend and he always said no...and in fact, we had talked about once (way back when we were just friends on the street) that I had broken up with my boyfriend and it was Valentine's Day - this was last year - and he said oh could he take me out and emphasized he didn't have a girlfriend...he always said that.

 

People, what happened, is there anything I can do, and what can I learn from this to improve my behavior in the future. Am I am stalker????

[kymberann]

Guys are weird! He is definetly sending mixed messages. Something is up. Ahhh yeah, we do know the signs!! Don't let that get to you. You may find you didn't want to know in the first place!

You don't need that. Just back away, for your sanity. The harder you try to apologize/explain or even be nice to the guy the more crazy you will appear. Just act as ambiguous as possible, not nice but not mean. I think this is his own insecurities leaking out! Maybe he can't handle your independence?

Best

[Road Rage]

kkat

 

You are acting normal, he is acting normal. Is is just the difference between the way two people percieve the world and think of relationships.

 

You and him have different backgrounds. Again, and I say this emphatically, situation normal! Spend a day or a lifetime with it, it will not change.

[Lishy]

He is a player!

 

Kick his usher butt to the kerb!

 

Get rid of bad rubbishg and find a guy who will want all of you and not just your poon-tang!

 

Oh he makes me mad!

 

delete his number babe and DONT call or text or contact him in ANY way!

 

Arsehole!

You deserve better hon!

[dropdeadlegs]

I would have guessed girlfriend, but you say no.

 

Who knows what happened! People are so strange.....

[IrishGurl]

I have a "friend" who acts just like this guy. My "friend" suffers from bipolar disorder and so I just chalk it up to that. Maybe your friend has such a disorder?