Should I dump him?

[Lisa]

I need advice on this quick: I've been seeing someone for the past 2 months who is 18 years younger than me, he is 27 and I am 45, but everyone (including him, I think) thinks I am in my early 30's because we work out at the same gym and I am very athletic and fit.

 

this is the question: He never makes plans with me ahead of time. We work out together at the gym and while there he will ask wht I'm doing that night, if I say I'm not busy, he suggests we go out to dinner or to shoot pool or whatever. I hate this not making plans stuff. What does it mean?????

 

Is it his age? I should mention I am separated from my husband(not divorced yet) and he knows it and doesn't SEEM thretened by it.

 

I like him and enjoy his company, but I don't feel any real "passion" for him.

 

What should I do?

[aleshm]

Dear Lisa,

 

does he always go this way, of not making plans? Looking at me and my girlfriend we do that all the time. We go out to eat for example and decide to go shoot some pool. But we do plan from time to time, but not always. Going on time everywhere kind of a gets to us. It's like having a schedule in the private life, which i'm sick of already from work.

I like him and enjoy his company, but I don't feel any real "passion" for him.

Why are you then going on with him? Why not move on? Why not find someone who will wake up your passion inside of you!

 

At the end you asked what should you do? What your heart tells you to do Lisa! That's what!

 

Best wishes,

 

Alesh

[Lynn]

It sounds to me like you're just friends. You see eachother around at the gym and ask if you want to go 'hang out' for a little that night. Dinner and pool shooting every time are not date-activities. Plus, you don't feel any real passion for him.

 

In my eyes, you're just friends. So either accept the relationship as that, or end it.

[Torn]

Question. Do you two talk outside of the gym (or your dinners afterwards)at all, like over the phone? It sounds like you want to go out on a true date with him instead of an improptu deal. If you have conversations over the phone, try one of two things...Ask him what the deal is. Maybe he is intimidated by your age, your soon to be ex and perhaps is holding back. And talking over the phone helps people be more uninhibited with what they have to say.

 

Or you could ask him out and set a date.

I need advice on this quick: I've been seeing someone for the past 2 months who is 18 years younger than me, he is 27 and I am 45, but everyone (including him, I think) thinks I am in my early 30's because we work out at the same gym and I am very athletic and fit. this is the question: He never makes plans with me ahead of time. We work out together at the gym and while there he will ask wht I'm doing that night, if I say I'm not busy, he suggests we go out to dinner or to shoot pool or whatever. I hate this not making plans stuff. What does it mean????? Is it his age? I should mention I am separated from my husband(not divorced yet) and he knows it and doesn't SEEM thretened by it. I like him and enjoy his company, but I don't feel any real "passion" for him. What should I do?

[Lisa]

Yes, I may have given the wrong impression before; he does call me everyday and we often talk for a long time on the phone. And he does call me and ask me out on a normal "date" or dinner, etc. The casual stuff at the gym is in addition to this. We see each other sometimes 7 days per week, never less than 3 -4 times, and sometimes it's casually after the gym and sometimes it's a more formal thing where he calls me ahead of time and sets upa date for a couple of days later. It's not only so much the issue of the casualness of our dating that bugs me it's the lack of passion I feel. I think maybe I'm holding back and avoiding a conversation about this because I'm afraid to talk about it with him.

Question. Do you two talk outside of the gym (or your dinners afterwards)at all, like over the phone? It sounds like you want to go out on a true date with him instead of an improptu deal. If you have conversations over the phone, try one of two things...Ask him what the deal is. Maybe he is intimidated by your age, your soon to be ex and perhaps is holding back. And talking over the phone helps people be more uninhibited with what they have to say. Or you could ask him out and set a date.