Update: Ok so it happened again

[samsungxoxo]

Screw everything, it happened once again, only this time I don't feel guilt at all, hardly any, instead I'

m

now angry.

 

Ok

so

my lil brother can be a spoil brat, he's kinda a bit out of control. Basically he doesn't really obey what I tell, if I tell him stop running, he keeps it up.

 

Ok going back to the point. Our neighbor downstairs complain about a noise (my brother running before walking him to the school bus) and water leaking.

 

Story: As sound as mom comes she starts attacking me on how I'

m

inresponsible and also with the name calling. I at first do remain silent, that is until she started hand slapping me on my leg and kinda shaking me. For a few seconds I remain silent waiting for her to stop

so

I can calmly talk. She doesn't stop (leaving a big reddish on my left leg)

so

I grab her tightly by the arms hoping she stops. When I let go and she doesn't stop, at the same time saying "Oh don't you hit your own mother, you can't hit me, I'

m

ur mom". I careless about it and reply back slapping her on the arm and leaving a bit reddish as well.

 

So

now she's blaming it all on me and that I'

m

gonna get punish (the god

BS

). Mind ya, but I'

m

atheist and as you can see, this is the second time I hit her, but I didn't started she did. How I'

m

I suppost to respect her or feel guilt if she's not showing any guilt either?

[quankanne]

that's a tricky one, because at what point does your action become abuse? Especially in light of her instigating the hitting?

 

a friend of mine strongly believes that you should never, ever hit a girl, and was laden with guilt because in college he had hit his girlfriend one time. But when the whole story spilled out, it turned out that SHE had been whaling on HIM, and he responded in self-defense to get her to stop hitting him. Was he wrong? He did something he swore he would never do, but the circumstances were extraordinary.

 

I kind of think what went on with you and your ma falls under the same umbrella – you took extraordinary means to get HER to stop hitting YOU. My guess is because she's done it more often than not, your guilt mechanism didn't kick in because you understood that your response was a type of protective measure. Not that I'm condoning violence or abuse, just trying to differentiate.

 

So now she's blaming it all on me and that I'm gonna get punish (the god BS).

 

I hate when people pull that kind of thing, because it really gives God a bad reputation, especially to those who don't believe – kinda like telling a little kid "The cops are going to come get you and put you in jail because you're not settling down." Any inclination of respect toward authority automatically goes out the window.

 

while I don't imagine God is any too pleased by what took place, believe me, there are much, much worse things you can do to merit punishment!

[MoonGirl]

Ailec,

 

In court, they typically care who started the physical confrontation. MANY battered spouses (and kids) hit back. In fact, in one study I read, the majority of battered spouses (that we generally think of as helpless victims hovering in a corner) have been physically violent in response to being battered.

 

Listen, you mom is the ADULT and it is HER responsibility to offer her children a safe and stable home environment. You are also responsible for your actions, and I don't think following in your mom's footsteps by allowing yourself to hit back is healthy. But you already know that. However, I certainly don't blame you for wanting to slap someone who has slapped you first (I know where you're coming from).

 

BLAME - yes, blame...abusers LOVE to blame their victims for EVERYTHING. How your mom acts toward you or responds to what you do is all her own choice. You cannot MAKE her do anything, just as she cannot make you do anything. SHE made the choice to call you names and slap you and YOU made the choice to respond to her violence with violence.

 

I suggest being mature here, as hard as it is, and putting a stop to the verbal and physical abuse in your home. There are ways to stop the abuse. You can suggest that you and your mom go to therapy together. You can get an order of protection against her (this is drastic). You can walk away each time she starts yelling or slapping or whatever. Tell her that you'll be happy to talk things over when she's calm.

 

I know what you're going through. My husband is very verbally and sometimes physically abusive. When he starts to become abusive I say "I don't like the way you're talking to me" and I leave the room. If he follows me around the house insulting me, I leave the house. If he attacks me again physically, I will call 911. I suggest you do the same.

 

All of that said...I know how frustrating it can be to be a mother and have to deal with all of the crazy things children do. Your mother needs to learn how to mother you in a way that doesn't involve abuse. And you need to learn how to respect your mothers efforts to be a good parent (when she makes those efforts). She probably loves you very much, but just has no idea how to communicate with you in a healthy way.

 

You don't deserve to be called names or hit. Put a stop to it now.

[CardPlay3r]

Grr I don't know looks like you two can't stand each other can you afford to move out>? At least with your boyfriend...

[samsungxoxo]

Yea I'm thinking about that CardPlay3r. It comes to the point I careless of not hitting her just b/c she's my mom, I don't care about it no more. If she wants to get like that, hey why not, I already told her I'm capable of replying back to whoever lays a hand on me, even her, I don't care.

 

But now I'm getting a little scare of what a would be next scene would be, what if the next time she goes that, I eitehr go for a real slap int he face or sock her on the arms (now I do hit really hard, I know how to hit in fact). She won't get that lucky if a next time comes.

 

 

[VinaAmez]

You should try and control that anger.

 

I would serious consider moving out. No need to live under the same roof and have periodic boxing matches.