Age Gap, Money, Disapproval, etc

[Guest]

Hi everyone,

 

I needed an honest opinion so here I am. A month ago I met a man on the internet who is a doctor and 30 years older than I am. I have dated older men before. We spoke on the phone for 7 hours a night for a while before we actually met in person. I am 24, he is 54. I loved his personality, but when I met him in person I was not extremely attracted to him. I told him this & we have continued speaking with each other. We talk for hours. He helps me in school and encourages me in everything I do. I talk to him every day. He is my best friend.

 

I do love him and I wish the physical attraction was there more, BUT I have dated a lot of crappy guys in the past and finally I have someone who believes in my education AND in me. I was not after his money. He contacted me. I have to admit it is a bonus, but I wouldnt date someone who was a millionaire if his personality didn't click with mine, sorry. Anyway, my mom is saying she is going to be 'done' with me if I go to the caribbean with him. My whole family just disapproves bc he is off the net, older, and they think I am using him, but really I haven't asked for anything. I truly like his personality. Who else is going to explain resistors to me and talk to me on the phone for 7 hours a night when I feel like connecting. I feel like my family doesn't even know me and judges me. Why can't they accept me for who I am. I want to go to vet school. I love animals. I do want a better life with someone who loves me. I also dated a guy for 5 years who was bankrupt. I can't stay with someone just for their money, but I think my family thinks that is what I am after.

 

I feel torn & estranged. I am 24 and I have to start my own life sometime. I feel like I found a mentor, a best friend, someone to guide me through life's stormy waters. I feel like my dreams of becoming a veterinarian are finally attainable. After getting off the phone with him I was happy, I need less sleep, I am motivated.

 

What do you think of this? What is your honest opinion? Does it seem weird? I am a normal girl from north dakota. I have 6 guinea pigs and when he wanted to get me something I told him to buy me guinea pig food. Why doesn't my family see that I am a good person? I feel like I have struggled with this for so long. I feel like they never think I will amount to anything and they still think of me as this child. Nothing I do is good enough. I need to move on and start my own life.

 

Any wise words? Be open & honest. What would you do if you were me? honestly?

 

Thank you =)

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

Guest: I feel torn & estranged.

 

Pardon me.

 

Torn and estranged? This should be the last of your worries.

 

Purposely degrading, disrespecting, and disregarding yourself and love life to amend your inner sorrows by dating a 54 year old is not the solution.

 

You are certainly and potentially setting yourself up for complex disaster. The age gap, 30 years, is too much.

 

Get out now before it is too late. I don't think you understand the implications of a student-parent relationship under such circumstances.

 

You need to start attaining the confidence required to get you out this situation, and into the dating world of the 20-somethings.

 

Good Luck,

Sand&Water

[RecordProducer]

"Don't marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper!" - an unknown wise person said.

 

Seriously, life doesn't have to be easy, but we do take the road that's easier. If you're so ambitious, you can take a loan. You'll make good money as a vet later.

 

This adventure with a wealthy old man might end up in a marriage with children. You are not in love with him. You will suffer and your children will have an old father. You will feel stuck with him and it will be way more difficult to walk away later than now.

 

You think you can use him for a few years to pay for your school then you can dump him. But that won't be so easy. He is not stupid. He will want his favor returned. It won't be long before you will feel like he owns you. The moment you accept from him to pay for your scholarship or your condo, he will start controlling your life. You will feel like a white slave and it will be very hard for you to say "no" to him. You won't be able to say "no" or you will lose everything. It will turn into a horrible agony, where you will start planning your escape as soon as you graduate. But it will take years of torture. You will hate him and the day you met him.

 

He is showing you his best side right now, but as soon as he "buys" you, he will change 180 degrees and you will see his true colors. It's not a random prediction. He initiated a contact with a young woman. Your youth and sex with you is not the only thing he is interested in; he wants to possess you. And he has the money to afford you. No matter how he acts right now, he won't be your mentor and guide. He will be your MASTER.

 

Don't throw your life in his hands because of his money. You can find money cheaper.

[Curmudgeon]

Any wise words? Be open & honest. What would you do if you were me? honestly?

 

Let me start by saying that I'm 60. I was 50 when I became delightfully single after a long-term marriage gone to seed. There were many who expected me to exchange the 44-year old ex for two 22-year olds since it would seem that a lot of older men go for the eye candy and young flesh when they have the opportunity.

 

I would certainly question this man's motives. I think he wants precidsely what I described above and you would be doing yourself a horrible injustice to fall for it. There's clearly something wrong with him if he's trolling for women so much younger and my best guess is that you're just one of several he's promising lovely, all expense paid vacations to in order to see just how many of his sexual fantasies he can make come true.

 

Let me give you a few facts about us older men. First of all, we don't want anymore children than we may already have. Secondly, in time we will find you vapid and ignorant, not because you're not intelligent but because there will be very little we can talk about on the same level. Our upbringings and life's experiences are too vastly different, we don't share the memories and realities of history, social issues, music, films, fads or anything else and our outlooks on life and perspectives on almost everything are too different.

 

If you really want to know what life with him would be like, look at and to your father whom this man is probably as old as or even older. By the way, fathers can actually be very good friends, mentors and guides if you let them. All of my five children are adults and they still value what I have to say and ask me for advice.

 

If you've read this I think my advice to you is clear. At least I hope so.

 

Oh, yeah. About those two 22-year olds I was supposed to have. I only ever dated one woman following my divorce. She's only two years younger than I am which makes her older than the ex. She's also been my wife for over 10 years. One of the best parts of our marriage is that we can REALLY talk and relate to one another on all levels!

[suchislife]

Whoa here!

 

Stand on your own 2 feet. You absolutely have to do this on your own. Not physically attracted? Don't do this. If you were independent and happy about it, that would be a different story.

 

Now, that being said, people really need to read and travel more. The age gap means nothing, it's an individual thing. In Europe and parts of the U.S., there are many relationships that have a huge age gap and they are doing just fine. I am older and know about current trends, music, etc. If you want to know, you will know. I will admit most people choose to stop learning,though. It's a shame, really. I know, I'm out there.

 

In my case, men like my energy, knowledge about current trends, the way I take care of my health, my independence, BUT they don't want to do it themselves. I'm not criticizing, I know now what will work for me and what won't. (Took me a while!) When I meet someone who likes those things about me, but prefers to take from me and not challenge themselves, I just say to myself, NEXT!

 

You have a long and interesting life ahead of you. Put yourself first.