YoMomma Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 So stop giving backhanded advice and if you are truly interested in seeing her get through this with some support and help, then the useless advice will stop. Excuse me? No one tells me what to say... Sadly, she doesn't want to listen to any constructive support that everyone has tried to give her, she only hears what she wants to hear. Like a lot of people, ya know? Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Excuse me? No one tells me what to say... Sadly, she doesn't want to listen to any constructive support that everyone has tried to give her, she only hears what she wants to hear. Like a lot of people, ya know? Making fun of his age and blue pills and nanny's not so sure it is helping, I am not telling you what to say so no "excuse" needed. She came here for advice and by all of her replys it seems that she is listening to what the sincere people are saying even if the advice may come from a knowledge place, ie life experience or a disaproving place it still can help, but when it comes from a place of hate of lack of respect why should we listen? I know Bella will make the right decision for her, she did not know he was married got pregnant, found out he was married and may still need to go through her personal pains and or process to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
LilDarlin Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 She may have not known he was married at first, but she continued to see him afterwards and then was sure to get knocked up by him to trap him. He's scum for putting an ad up and cheating on his wife. One part of me feels sorry for wealthy men though. My boss is wealthy and every girl he has ever dated is always ALWAYS asking him for money to pay the rent, buy new furniture...etc. It's pathetic. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 She may have not known he was married at first, but she continued to see him afterwards and then was sure to get knocked up by him to trap him. He's scum for putting an ad up and cheating on his wife. One part of me feels sorry for wealthy men though. My boss is wealthy and every girl he has ever dated is always ALWAYS asking him for money to pay the rent, buy new furniture...etc. It's pathetic. So you feel sorry for wealthy men? why....whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
YoMomma Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Making fun of his age and blue pills and nanny's not so sure it is helping, I am not telling you what to say so no "excuse" needed. She came here for advice and by all of her replys it seems that she is listening to what the sincere people are saying even if the advice may come from a knowledge place, ie life experience or a disaproving place it still can help, but when it comes from a place of hate of lack of respect why should we listen? I know Bella will make the right decision for her, she did not know he was married got pregnant, found out he was married and may still need to go through her personal pains and or process to move on. Really? I hope you are right and that she does make the right decision for her! But... was getting pregnant by a man she knew was married a good one? Um... I don't think so. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Really? I hope you are right and that she does make the right decision for her! But... was getting pregnant by a man she knew was married a good one? Um... I don't think so. No she only found out after she got pregnant by him that he was married... I know that you don't think that any of this is a "good one" but now it is not about you, now it is about her and her child. So healthy advice is better to help a unhealthy situation then the ladder. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Hey Bella.....this is my take on "addiction" concerning my ex-situation....addiction is out there for the taking....it waits for a vulnerable point and strikes....these things don't just happen....now they may happen without our "knowledge" so to speak. People, when worn down sometimes give in to things they wouldn't normally... Why did our "knowledge" take a vacation concerning these matters? Unless one is the type that needs a taken man to build ones own esteem, there was a day that a taken man would send us running....what caused us to completely "forget" the truth? Not only do we deceive ourselves, but we rob us of true happiness....why? Could there be self hatred involved? Self destrutction? I am currently working on these and more factors that lead me to forget the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 She may have not known he was married at first, but she continued to see him afterwards and then was sure to get knocked up by him to trap him. He's scum for putting an ad up and cheating on his wife. One part of me feels sorry for wealthy men though. My boss is wealthy and every girl he has ever dated is always ALWAYS asking him for money to pay the rent, buy new furniture...etc. It's pathetic. WTF?! Why is it that when a woman gets pregnant it's because she wants to trap him?! Hello, he didn't have to cum in her! And if he's married and doesn't want her to get pregnant--he should be using condoms...period... Wealthy men use their money and power to get what they want...I don't feel sorry for them at all...you think they don't get off on women asking them for money...wake up... Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Hey Bella.....this is my take on "addiction" concerning my ex-situation....addiction is out there for the taking....it waits for a vulnerable point and strikes....these things don't just happen....now they may happen without our "knowledge" so to speak. People, when worn down sometimes give in to things they wouldn't normally... Why did our "knowledge" take a vacation concerning these matters? Unless one is the type that needs a taken man to build ones own esteem, there was a day that a taken man would send us running....what caused us to completely "forget" the truth? Not only do we deceive ourselves, but we rob us of true happiness....why? Could there be self hatred involved? Self destrutction? I am currently working on these and more factors that lead me to forget the truth. This is great advice! Link to post Share on other sites
LilDarlin Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 So you feel sorry for wealthy men? why....whatever. I feel sorry for SOME of them because people are always looking to take advantage of them or get something from them. In this case he deserves it. My Boss once had some 40 year chick say she was pregnant so he would marry her. He had been "fixed" several years earlier but didn't say anything to her because he wanted to see how far she would take it. Finally after about three months he told her there was no way it was his and she confessed she was faking it. Thats what I feel sorry for. There are a lot of leeches out there. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 I feel sorry for SOME of them because people are always looking to take advantage of them or get something from them. In this case he deserves it. My Boss once had some 40 year chick say she was pregnant so he would marry her. He had been "fixed" several years earlier but didn't say anything to her because he wanted to see how far she would take it. Finally after about three months he told her there was no way it was his and she confessed she was faking it. Thats what I feel sorry for. There are a lot of leeches out there.[/quote Why would your boss even be discussig this matter with you??????] I have no idea if what Bella is saying is true or not, she has about 4 posts going right now and is in pretty deep, so basicly because a woman went on a dating site to meet a man and trusted him fell in love, is now vulnerable, now some opinions are that she is making the whole story up and that now she is a gold digger, when so many people gave her advice to go see a lawyer... For what other reason I ask would she see a lawyer if it were not for financial reasons??? That is what lawyers are all about MONEY!!! Link to post Share on other sites
YoMomma Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 She needs to protect herself and the baby & prove paternity to the courts. That is why she needs an attorney! Unless she plans on raising the child on her own without support of the Dad... which is totally up to her. If anything were to happen to MM before paternity was documented - she could be up $hits creek without a paddle! (Not saying because he's already 61 years old or anything...) Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 5, 2007 Author Share Posted February 5, 2007 I agree with this...take what you need from those who advise...you don't have to reply to everyone...right now you need to focus on the baby growing inside you, first and foremost...make the best decisions you can under the circumstances...and try not to let everyone stress you out...If you need to take a break, do it... Many thanks to you and Prisella. I have noticed a few members that are very judgmental and mistrusting. Some trying to discover identities, some saying I am not real, nor my situation, and others just down right nasty for me continuing being the OW. The down right truth of it is I am in love with a MM whom I was lead to beleive was a perfect single man...we are expecting a son...my hormones are running rampant and on top of all that I still have two children to take care of (as a single mother - as their father's live out of state). I have no family, really to speack of, and the few close friends I have are too close the the me, the situation, I believe to give me the most open advice as possible. I do not know of any of the other sites some posts have referred to. However, this site has offered me a place to go and ask advice on issues I have never experienced, or thought of! I am so lonely at night, my insomnia is crazy, and I find myself very emotional right now. Yes, I know remaining the OW is not right. But, I love him...I dont want to marry him, but it does not mean I love him any less. Do I like the fact that he is a MM? No. Do I loke the fact he lied to me? No. But, I still cant deny the way I feel with him. The way he makes me glow...how the sound of his voice can make my entire day... Now, although I would have preferred to wait until we had more time together, we are having a child. I hae read the "oh, women are only anti-abortion when they are not in love with the guy...but if it is to further their career etc., it is just fine." That comment really pissed me off. I havent mentioned much about my children on here...but my youngest son is disabled and wheelchair bound...neurotube defect. My exH and I knew he was going to have this defect and we chose to abort the pregnancy. The way I look at children is God gives us the children we have because we are the parents they need. I went to the clinic with the pregnancy...my MM and I both talked about it being the wrong time, we would have a child in a couple of years when we were more settled...I got to the clinic, paid for it, made it back to the room and broke down hystarically. I just could not go through with it. I dont regret that decision. I do regret my situation, but not our son. I dont know where my R with my MM is going to end up? I dont expect or demand he leave his wife, expose our relationship, take me here or there, I only expect him to love and respect me...be there for our son as his work allows and treat me with honesty even if that honesty is going to hurt me. The money portion of my questions is because I am not someone who takes advantage. I dont want to ever have money become an issue between us. As long as he provides for our son, make sure he has every opportunity he can provide him, then I am happy. I am not looking for some extra huge sum of money...to live like a billionaire. I am happy in the area I live...the school system is wonderful for my children and it is close and private for him to come by. Would I want to live with him on a fulltime basis, a more normal relationship? Absolutely! I love him...however, he is a MM and I cant ask him to leave his BW. I wont ask that of him. I do not want to cause their marriage to end. If he decides to leave his wife (which I dont look for him to do that) it must be something he choses to do. And only he choses. I will have no part in demanding a divorce. If he wants to be with me, begin our family, then he will have to make that happen and chose that. I want nothing to do with the "reason" he would leave his BW. I dont want to hear anything about her, especially if it were negative. I dont want to know about it...number one, their R is not my business. Two, they have decades together and children, I always expect them to have feelings for one another. Three, I can be supportive of him, without being juedgemental of her. If I learned anything from my previous marriage, there is no way both partners are innocent and no way one person in a marriage is completely happy and one miserable. Lastly, I love my MM. He has children with his BW. Because I love him I will love all of his children...(not that I am saying I will ever be a part of their life, this is just my take on his BW and their children)...I will treat them all with love and respect as I do my own because they are part of him. His BW, I respect her as a woman. I would treat her with respect and understanding that the situation is hurtful for all involved. I would hope that a mutual respect and understanding would be met...especially if she were to be around our son and me around their children. AGAIN, I AM TALKING IN REGARDS TO HOW I SEE THINGS...NOT SAYING OR HOPING THIS IS WHAT THE SITUATION WILL BE... So, for those of you who have offered advice and support I greatly apprecaite everything. For those of you who have been crass I would like to say you are entitled to your opinion, however, if you read my threads I dont attempt to belittle or berate anyone on this site. I only offer words of understanding and encouragement as I can. I beleive everyone on here is hurting or have come from a hurting place...I personally, would like this site to be a place of solace when there just arent anymore tears to cry... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 5, 2007 Author Share Posted February 5, 2007 Re-read my last post and my exH and I chose NOT to abort...typing faster than my brain was working...sorry Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 just don't ask him for any money. that way maybe his life can continue without his wife finding out about you. you can raise this child as you wish and on your own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 5, 2007 Author Share Posted February 5, 2007 just don't ask him for any money. that way maybe his life can continue without his wife finding out about you. you can raise this child as you wish and on your own. I havent asked him for child support...he offers it readily. He knows that if he doesnt take a pro-active parenting role in our sons life then I dont want to hear anything regarding a decision I make about our son...that includes all such decisions from his name, circumcision, etc. If he isnt going to help me make the decisions in raising our son then he has no room to complain on the decisions I make. I think the BW and my MM R being sheilded from the truth only comes secondary, in my eyes, when it comes to our son knowing his father. I wont lie to our son about who his father is. I have always been honest with both my sons regarding their fathers...our son will know who his father is and spend whatever time with him his father gives...however, the question is what my MM is going to want and feel when he holds our son...he is torn with this...I see it in him...I dont push him one way or another...I just tell him give to him what he feels our son deserves...in a matter of a father, etc. He doesnt want another man raising his son... Link to post Share on other sites
YoMomma Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 I havent asked him for child support...he offers it readily. He knows that if he doesnt take a pro-active parenting role in our sons life then I dont want to hear anything regarding a decision I make about our son...that includes all such decisions from his name, circumcision, etc. If he isnt going to help me make the decisions in raising our son then he has no room to complain on the decisions I make. I think the BW and my MM R being sheilded from the truth only comes secondary, in my eyes, when it comes to our son knowing his father. I wont lie to our son about who his father is. I have always been honest with both my sons regarding their fathers...our son will know who his father is and spend whatever time with him his father gives...however, the question is what my MM is going to want and feel when he holds our son...he is torn with this...I see it in him...I dont push him one way or another...I just tell him give to him what he feels our son deserves...in a matter of a father, etc. He doesnt want another man raising his son... Actually, he has no right to tell you anything, because he's not your husband, and as far as the law goes - he's not the father either! But remember - that goes both ways - you can't force him to do anything unless paternity is proven, and even after that all you can hope for is that he pays support. LOL... he doesn't want another man raising his son? But he has no problem bringing another woman into the lives of his family? LOL... he's got a lot of character! Not only are you his OW but now you're letting him be your puppeteer! Just curious - were you married to either one of your son's fathers? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bellababygirl Posted February 5, 2007 Author Share Posted February 5, 2007 Actually, he has no right to tell you anything, because he's not your husband, and as far as the law goes - he's not the father either! But remember - that goes both ways - you can't force him to do anything unless paternity is proven, and even after that all you can hope for is that he pays support. LOL... he doesn't want another man raising his son? But he has no problem bringing another woman into the lives of his family? LOL... he's got a lot of character! Not only are you his OW but now you're letting him be your puppeteer! Just curious - were you married to either one of your son's fathers? First son's father asked me to marry him and I told him no...if he wanted to still marry me when our son was a year old we could talk about it...best decision i ever made. Second son, yes, we were married. Link to post Share on other sites
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