chryssy83 Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 So he came here again this weekend. I reluctantly agreed to get back together. We had fun, obviously I like spending time with him. He still doesn't know whether he wants to marry me. I thought that if he wanted to be back together I would just jump at the chance. So why am I so conflicted? On one hand, I want to drive tonight to where he is so that I can keep observing him...try to figure out what this is really all about. On the other, I just want to stay here and try to forget about it because this is hard. He says everything will be different when we aren't long distance anymore, but I want proof he can't give!! If deciding to get back together is scary for me...if it's hard....does that necessarily mean it's not the right decision? Before this I was SO SURE of what I wanted but now I have no idea what I'm doing! Link to post Share on other sites
AriaIncognito Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 I hate to say it, but if you're feeling confused, there's probably a really good reason. I've gotten back "easily" with my now ex (3 times to be exact) and well, it was always with trepidation because it was always on his terms. We'd get back but never resolve the reason why we split in the first place (we split each time because he was "unsure" if i was "the one" or if he saw a future with me - he also wouldn't commit to me - never called me his gf). Anyway, I'd give you gut some serious listening to. Getting back together is nice and all, but the problems don't just go away. You have to address them, and quick, before you get too emotionally invested again and you get hurt in the same way again. I speak from experience, unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
Teacher's Pet Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 Anything worth doing is never easy. My ex and I had like 6 "mini breakups" during our relationship. Each time, they were resolved within a day or so, sometimes as if nothing ever happened. She once went as far as to accept my "apology" (even though it wasn't my fault!) with "Ok, Ok, it's ok..... c'mon let's f**k." How blind was I? -tp all it takes is a little punani Link to post Share on other sites
Author chryssy83 Posted February 4, 2007 Author Share Posted February 4, 2007 Do think that having broken up before makes a couple more likely to break up in the future? Do couples who break up a lot while dating have a higher rate of divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
AriaIncognito Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Cryssy - I think that breaking up in a relationship while dating is a sign that something isn't right at that time. Is it possible that down the line, that can be fixed and a couple could go on to marry for life? Absolutely. Is it also a glimpse into how your partner deals with problems, you bet. If you date someone who is quick to give up and walk away, then don't think that a ring will make them change into someone who is a fighter. Take my latest break. He isn't a fighter. I doubt he ever will be, which is sad for him. Me, I fight tooth and nail for who and what I believe in. I don't let things stop me from trying to succeed. He and I could have ended up in a marriage that he could have walked from, and even though he says he will only marry once, and takes that very very seriously, I'd need definite proof that I was fought for before going near any alters with him. If you are wondering if your break means you'd not work out, take a look at the whys behind it. Were they stupid, petty things, or serious deal breakers? Did one or both of you walk away easily without a fight for the relationship? If the answer to the above is yes, then you might not be a match, now, or ever... It's a sucky reality, but at least you can weigh your options with a somewhat clear mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chryssy83 Posted February 4, 2007 Author Share Posted February 4, 2007 I do think sometimes I'm afraid that he could walk away. Not because he's not capable of fighting, but because I think somewhere inside him he thinks that marriage is like in the movies. You meet the "right person" and you "just know" so you get married and live "happily ever after." I think it comes down to a choice to stay together no matter what. And I think he's waiting for some divine sign that we should be together forever. I don't believe that it works that way. I need more time with him to help me figure out what I really want! But the distance is a bi***. Link to post Share on other sites
lorr Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Listen to Ariawoman she has it spot on. Second chances can be quite risky and there is always the chance that it won't work out. You need to remember that problems do not disappear just because you have time apart from each other. Unless you have a valid reason and idea of what led to the breakup in the first place,and have some realistic solutions to the problem, then frankly its not going to work. Link to post Share on other sites
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