huge favor to ask!

[wookinpanub]

OK, kind of a huge favor to ask of anyone willing and able to help me with this thing. I'm sorry if this is in the wrong location, but it seemed to be the most accurate place to put this....

 

I am currently enrolled in a university that I am trying to transfer out of. I am applying to numerous locations, and most of the applications have essays. I was wondering if anyone would be willing to revise my essay? (No, not write it. It is written already.) What I need help with is all the grammar stuff. For instance, I am horrible with placing commas. Anyway, thanks!!

 

The prompt was name a person or event that has been influential in shaping who you are and why. yadda yadda that kind of prompt.

 

"

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Many people, if posed with this question, would probably choose an historic event, such as the World Trade Center tragedy as a life changing event that inspired them in some way. Other people may choose to cite as a source of inspiration an individual made famous by overcoming extreme adversity or their own selflessness. While these possibilities crossed my mind, I chose to write about an individual who is a little closer to my heart: my mother. My mother, Millie, has made innumerable sacrifices and given me every opportunity she possibly could to succeed.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]My father and mother divorced when I was in the second grade. For too long I blamed my mother for their separation, since my father was not around to come under my young, naïve scrutiny. Eventually, these feeling of resentment subsided. Since then, my relationship with my mother has always been the normal kind of relationship one would expect between a mother and a son. Staying out past my curfew, leaving my room dirty, not washing the dishes, etc. The usual acts of teenage rebellion have been the biggest rift between us for as long as I have been a teenager. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Since my parents have been divorced, it has been my mother and I making it by on her income alone. She did not have the opportunity to go continue her education after high school, so she does not make that great of income. Despite these things, she has always managed to save enough money so we could take vacations to the beach. When I was younger, no matter how many bills there were, she always managed to have enough money for me to go to the movies with my friends, or to get a new video game that I wanted so desperately. More recently, since I have come to Shippensburg University, my mother has helped me tremendously with tuition and financial aid.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]It shames me to admit that, with all these sacrifices my mother has made for me, I have not been aware of them or if I had been aware of them, I had not given them any thought until recently. It was not until my sophomore year at Shippensburg that I fully realized all the things my mother has done for me. All those times I have fought with her over small things, yet despite that she would have still done anything for me. Her sacrifices for me are, in part, what is driving me to succeed in college. I feel as though I owe her that much, at least, so that I can say all of her sacrifices and sheer selflessness were not for naught."[/sIZE][/FONT]

[glitzy55]

there's a grammer checker in ms word that should help u with this.

[wookinpanub]

ehh, that doesnt work so well. It doesn't do well with commas and it likes to call a lot of thing fragments of sentences when in certain situations you can use them. prepositions at the end of sentences and stuff it doesnt check for. general wording too i guess.

[NearlyThere]

OK, kind of a huge favor to ask of anyone willing and able to help me with this thing. I'm sorry if this is in the wrong location, but it seemed to be the most accurate place to put this....

 

I am currently enrolled in a university that I am trying to transfer out of. I am applying to numerous locations, and most of the applications have essays. I was wondering if anyone would be willing to revise my essay? (No, not write it. It is written already.) What I need help with is all the grammar stuff. For instance, I am horrible with placing commas. Anyway, thanks!!

 

The prompt was name a person or event that has been influential in shaping who you are and why. yadda yadda that kind of prompt.

 

"

Many people, if posed with this question, would probably choose an historic event, such as the World Trade Center tragedy as a life changing event that inspired them in some way. Other people may choose to cite as a source of inspiration an individual made famous by overcoming extreme adversity or their own selflessness. While these possibilities crossed my mind, I chose to write about an individual who is a little closer to my heart: my mother. My mother, Millie, has made innumerable sacrifices and given me every opportunity she possibly could to succeed.

 

My father and mother divorced when I was in the second grade. For too long I blamed my mother for their separation, since my father was not around to come under my young, naïve scrutiny. Eventually, these feeling (this needs to be either, this feeling or these feelings) of resentment subsided. Since then, my relationship with my mother has always been the normal kind of relationship one would expect between a mother and a son. Staying out past my curfew, leaving my room dirty, not washing the dishes, etc. The usual acts of teenage rebellion have been the biggest rift between us for as long as I have been a teenager.

 

Since my parents have been divorced, it has been my mother and I making it (think the word "getting" could sound better here) by on her income alone. She did not have the opportunity to go continue (think this should be either, "to continue" or "to go and continue") her education after high school, so she does not make that great of (think the word "much" would sound better here, or should be "great an") income. Despite these things, she has always managed to save enough money so we could take vacations to the beach. When I was younger, no matter how many bills there were, she always managed to have enough money for me to go to the movies with my friends, or to get a new video game that I wanted so desperately. More recently, since I have come to Shippensburg University, my mother has helped me tremendously with tuition and financial aid.

 

It shames me to admit that, with all these sacrifices my mother has made for me, I have not been aware of them or if I had been aware of them, I had not given them any thought until recently. It was not until my sophomore year at Shippensburg that I fully realized all the things my mother has done for me. All those times I have fought with her over small things, yet despite that she would have still done anything for me. Her sacrifices for me are, in part, what is driving me to succeed in college. I feel as though I owe her that much, at least, so that I can say all of her sacrifices and sheer selflessness were not for naught (how about saying "in vain" instead) ."

 

 

Apart from those couple of things it looks ok to me, however someone else might pick up on other things. I could not tell 100% where the paragraphs were meant to be so have just put them where I thought you meant them to go.

 

Good Luck to you.

 

NT