snicker_ca78 Posted October 15, 2002 Share Posted October 15, 2002 I am 24 and have a long ways to learn about women. I have been with this girl for about 5 months and well it seemed to be going good till I had gotten pulled aside and talked to about her from some close friends of hers they wanted to tell me that she has been telling others and all that she is single and that she is giving her phone number to some guys. I know I am not the best looking nor richest guy in the world but when they tell you that they love you isn't it true? Also last night we messed around and well it was not just kissing and I don't understand this, if she did not want to be with me than why did she do what she did last night? I like her and have been there for her and well she owes me money now and well I think she is in need of more money but I am not wanting to lend it becasue I have other things that I have to spend my money on so what should I do???? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 15, 2002 Share Posted October 15, 2002 First of all, don't ever lend someone you're dating money. If they ask for a loan, simply tell them that's something you don't do. If they're around you for money and you don't cough any up, they'll be gone. Secondly, but not necessarily less or more imporant, don't listen to shxt stirers who pretend to be your friends who tell you things about the person you're dating. Go straight to your lady and ask her if these things are true. Get this straight with her and make it easy for her to tell the truth. That's what you need here, the truth. Until the day you die, there will always be a certain number of jealous scumbags, some your friends and some not, who will try to screw up other people's relationships including yours. Thirdly, NO, not everybody who tells you they love you really loves you. For a manipulative user/fraud who's after something...like more money on a loan...those words can come pretty easy. I'm not saying your lady didn't mean them but you've got to get a lot more information than you have to make that determination. Once you get really sharp at all this, you can tell if somebody cares about you deeply by their behavior...by the way they act around you. Sincerity is really hard to find nowdays but it's out there. Pay attention and you'll find it. It's sickening that your relationship is so sad and devoid of communication and emotional intimacy that you would consider believing crap from other people before you would believe your own intuition and have a talk with your lady. Just the fact that all this happened may be a good indication that you aren't ready to trust somebody in a relationship...and that you've got a lot to learn about human nature and the conduct of relationships. The longest journey begins with a single step. Take the first step now! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted October 15, 2002 Share Posted October 15, 2002 I agree with what Tony said. And I'm going to add my $.02 24 is still pretty young and everyone matures differently. It could be that she isn't being devious or manipulative on purpose - it could be that she (& you) are still young and have not had a lot of experiences with relationships. A person can love somone and still not be committed to them. There are degrees of love and no explanation or rules to help sort them out. Women have a sex drive too and there are lots of women who "mess around" without being in love or even truly caring about the man. Some people can be very casual about sex and not connect anything to it except a physical release. Communicating about these things is important to the health of a relationship. Do as Tony suggested, talk to HER. If you are still concerned, or don't fully trust her, then talk to YOUR family and close friends and ask their opinons. But, you have to listen to them and not get angry if they say something negative about her. Then its up to you to weigh what they have said with what you know. I am a list maker and before I got married I actually made a list of my priorities in life, and my then boyfriends' priorities, and our goals, likes, beliefs, etc. and made a decision based on my own "scoring system". I know that may sound cold and clinical, but I'd been through several relationships and it was our priorities in life that kicked them apart. If something that is very important to me and high on my list, but low or non-existant on the guy's list - it was over. Subsequently, we sat down together with these lists and actually thought about how we could or would rearrange our priorities, what sacrifices we would make, in order to make our relationship work. It's made for an interesting, and wonderful marriage so far and gives us a sense of control over our marriage when we do have problems. I started doing this when I was around your age and got tired of hurt feelings and feeling like a relationship failure. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted October 16, 2002 Share Posted October 16, 2002 He's right, listen to him. I personally have the same problem with "Friends." The fact that my boyfriend was a player, and now he's actually settling down with ME of all people, really makes a lot of people mad. They've gone as far as attacking my own property because of it. Your relationship can only be meddled with, if you let it. And trust me, life is a lot more drama free, when its just you and her in your business...and now you two and everyone else... Link to post Share on other sites
Blondie4 Posted October 19, 2002 Share Posted October 19, 2002 I agree never lend your someone you are in a realationship money i have been through that. What her friends told you I would talk to her about and tell her your feelings and tell her you want her feeling straight up no games. Link to post Share on other sites
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