chryssy83 Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 I thought about that, a lot, too. What if he doesn't know I would be okay with him calling me??? We're back together now (although I'm still not that committed to it, but that's another thread). My account: We break up. I don't try to contact him from the break-up conversation through two weeks later. Then I was concerned about this very thing, and some people here on the board agreed that maybe it would be okay to call him once just to let him know I would talk to him if he wanted. He didn't answer, but called back the next night. Things progressed from there. He says he would have called me anyway because he already missed me and wanted to see me again. But he might have waited longer. 2 lessons from my experience: 1) if they want to contact you, they will whether you call or not. 2) if you didn't communicate in any way after the break up to indicate that you aren't so pissed you won't ever talk to them again, calling isn't the worst idea--but you can only do this once! If you already called or if you won't be able to deal with it if they don't answer/don't call back, you have no business doing it. OP--I don't think I would send chocolates. As a woman, let me tell you--that's romantic when you first meet someone and sappy/desperate when you're in a rough spot in the relationship. You don't want her to think (know??) that you're following after her. Do NC. If you don't see her again, you'll be recovered faster. If you do, then she'll be like my guy--completely desperate to get back together now because *gasp* you seem HAPPY even without her!!! Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveratud Posted February 6, 2007 Author Share Posted February 6, 2007 Thats my only doubt about NC... What if you're both NCing, waiting for the other.... How sad would it be to let something go because noone said anything... Rocket Right. We've been in a sort of staring match. We're both proud, stubborn people. The last time we really talked, it was fairly hostile. I said I didn't want to talk to her any more. She said "you said that a few days ago." I said "fine, see what happens." She said, "You'll miss me." And that was it. Ever since then, the very limited contact has been pretty detached and I've seemed uninterested. She tried to get me to flinch in the staring match by screaming "I like girls!" But it didn't work. So I'm sticking to my card\candy at the appropriate time plan. Link to post Share on other sites
chryssy83 Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 I plan to write in it that I'm sorry for how the breakup went, and that I'll wait for her as long as it takes, because she's worth it. Ummm...why are you going to do this?? To let her know that she has years to make up her mind because you aren't going anywhere??? Is that really the message you want to send her, that you're going to waste away waiting?? I'm hoping that's not really true. Maybe she's an absolute princess and she's "worth it." But aren't YOU worth something too?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveratud Posted February 6, 2007 Author Share Posted February 6, 2007 Ummm...why are you going to do this?? To let her know that she has years to make up her mind because you aren't going anywhere??? Is that really the message you want to send her, that you're going to waste away waiting?? I'm hoping that's not really true. Maybe she's an absolute princess and she's "worth it." But aren't YOU worth something too?? I won't waste away. I'm perfectly able to persevere, and I'm strong in mind and spirit. I can wait however long it takes. I'm pretty stable nowadays, and nearly back to my old self. I'm still not interested in anyone else. I think it's a matter of opinion as to if waiting for someone is noble or desperate. The way I feel about it is, I know I could go out and meet someone new. I just choose not to. That makes it noble. If I felt like no one else would ever love me, and I would go through life alone if not for her, that would be desperate. Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 I won't waste away. I'm perfectly able to persevere, and I'm strong in mind and spirit. I can wait however long it takes. I'm pretty stable nowadays, and nearly back to my old self. I'm still not interested in anyone else. I think it's a matter of opinion as to if waiting for someone is noble or desperate. The way I feel about it is, I know I could go out and meet someone new. I just choose not to. That makes it noble. If I felt like no one else would ever love me, and I would go through life alone if not for her, that would be desperate. In my opion, this strategy is neither noble or desperate. Noble is an act for a worthy cause. I don't see any evidence that the cause is worthy. It isn't desperate either -- because I'll give you the benefit of the doubt when you say you could pursue others. So, what is it then? An unreasonable risk that you've wasted your time -- and only time will tell if I'm right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveratud Posted February 6, 2007 Author Share Posted February 6, 2007 In my opion, this strategy is neither noble or desperate. Noble is an act for a worthy cause. I don't see any evidence that the cause is worthy. It isn't desperate either -- because I'll give you the benefit of the doubt when you say you could pursue others. So, what is it then? An unreasonable risk that you've wasted your time -- and only time will tell if I'm right. Yup. This is definitely one of those "time will tell" situations. Odds are 3:1 against me down at the OTB. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveratud Posted February 6, 2007 Author Share Posted February 6, 2007 Just got an email that the brazilian chocolates are on their way. They'll be here Friday. I was getting worried that I messed up ordering them since I only took an hour crash course in Portuguese to figure out the website. Link to post Share on other sites
chryssy83 Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 In my opinion, even if you get back together you were wasting your time. Looking back, I'm glad I went out and experienced life during the (admittedly brief) time we were apart. I had a lot of fun and I have more self-confidence now than I did before--I wasn't hurting for self esteem before, but now I'm unstoppable!!! LOL Oh well....people have to figure things out for themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveratud Posted February 7, 2007 Author Share Posted February 7, 2007 In my opinion, even if you get back together you were wasting your time. Looking back, I'm glad I went out and experienced life during the (admittedly brief) time we were apart. I had a lot of fun and I have more self-confidence now than I did before--I wasn't hurting for self esteem before, but now I'm unstoppable!!! LOL Oh well....people have to figure things out for themselves. I don't want to date anyone else. I don't want to be with anyone else. I've made an honest attempt at it, but it just didn't work. I feel enormously guilty for even considering it. Yesterday I had a dream that I was dating two new girls, going to dinner and the movies. I was happy in the dream and having a good time. I woke up awash with guilt. I suppose I feel that she stopped being in the relationship, but I haven't. I liked the relationship, so I'm going to stay in it. I didn't give up, she did. And I'm not going to give up. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbalump Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Hey man, I hope this goes well for you. At one point or another we all hoped our ex's would comes back to us. And we'd wait them out , until they realized that they truly want US. Some on this board have actually gotten their ex back! But most of us had to deal with the fact that its over. All i can tell you is from personal experiance, i think you should space yourself, dont give her the chocolate. Try for a minute to put yourself in her shoes. Ok she dumped you. But of course she still has feelings for you in some fashion or another. She made a choice that she doesnt want a relationship with you right now. Shes questioning her sexuality,so how can she have a relationship if she isnt even sure of what sex she wants it with? If you really want to respect her, and care for her, give her the space she wants. By clinging on , you run the chance of looking needy, desperate, annnnnnnnnnnnd creepy. "I suppose I feel that she stopped being in the relationship, but I haven't. I liked the relationship, so I'm going to stay in it. I didn't give up, she did. And I'm not going to give up." While you write that, in a loving way, to some ( well atleast me) it seems a little overbearing and im sure would push alot of people even further away. And in this thread you said , you'd sacrifice ego and pride for love, while thats great, you also run the risk of looking like a weak man....woman dont like weak men. Forget her for a month. Clear your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveratud Posted February 7, 2007 Author Share Posted February 7, 2007 It seems that the "interested in women" bit was a joke pulled by a friend who got ahold of her computer. She's now interested in men, but looking for friendship. Funny how I took what turned out to be a joke, and ran in 5 different directions with it. It's easy to overthink things when it's all you think about. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 I'm not interested in helping people. Why not? And I'd like to have a job after college. Why do you say that a new psychologist can't find a job? Just curious.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveratud Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 Why not? Why do you say that a new psychologist can't find a job? Just curious.. Just a classic joke about psychology being the preferred major of burger flippers. I've got some friends that have masters in psychology, and even they struggle to get relatively low paid counseling positions. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Just a classic joke about psychology being the preferred major of burger flippers. I've got some friends that have masters in psychology, and even they struggle to get relatively low paid counseling positions. Wow! I see. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbalump Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Wow! I see. lol , exactly what i was thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveratud Posted February 9, 2007 Author Share Posted February 9, 2007 The chocolates arrived today. I find myself hesitatant. I don't want to come off looking badly. But on the other hand, I am willing to do what it takes to get her back. I don't plan on asking her to come back, just clearing up how I feel now that my mind has cleared. This party tomorrow is going to be a nightmare, for all sorts of reasons. Odds are I pistol whip at least one person. Link to post Share on other sites
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