SpyderBaby Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 I broke up with my boyfriend on Friday night as hes seeing someone new now (neglected to tell me, but whatever). We had a massive fight over it. We calmed down and went to bed (seperate beds, I was staying in his room because his mother wanted myself and our daughter down for the weekend). On Saturday morning, he came in to his room to say sorry, gave me a hug, and well, one thing led to another. Then he acted cold towards me the rest of the day. I ask him about it and he says it shouldnt have happened. It was him that made a move on me. Two weeks prior he said he loved me and wanted to marry me. Now, he doesn't love me. Am I right in saying that you cant just turn your feelings on and off like that? Today however, he was nice to me, we were getting on really well. But he couldnt keep his eyes off me (I was wearing a low-cut top, lol) all day. And to add to that, he's still wearing a bracelet of mine and a hair bobble/scrunchie of mine on his wrist. Does any of this mean anything? What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
phyrespryte Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 It doesn't mean anything. He's a skank. Don't sleep with him anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 So, you broke up with him on Friday night -- then let him sleep with you on Saturday? My guess is that he's conflicted about you, but is putting in just enough effort to keep you on the line so he can get sex when it is convenient or when things don't work out with his extra-curricular activities with other women. Don't be a door-mat and put up with his cheating. If he disrespects you, break up with him and find someone more deserving of your affections. Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 Sounds like he is physically attracted to you and wants to keep sleeping with you while he shops around. This is not loving behavior. I think he's manipulating you because he likes your body, but he is not respecting you as a person. Get far away, tough out being separated, and don't settle for a man who doesn't love you body and soul! Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 All I can see it means is that it is seriously time for you to move on. This is a perfect time for you to stop trying to make things work with him and focus on what it is that you do want in your life. I suspect an on again off again relationship is not what you are looking for. Try to stop thinking about him by creating a mental picture of your perfect man (make sure he looks nothing like your ex) - and also try to think about how this perfect man would treat you and your daughter. How would this ideal man make you feel? Focus on this feeling for this is what you are looking for in a relationship and you shouldn't settle for anything less. You certainly shouldn't settle for someone who neglects to tell you he is seeing someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpyderBaby Posted February 5, 2007 Author Share Posted February 5, 2007 But surely still wearing things that belong to me must mean something? I'm not convinced he's not got feelings for me any more, aside from sexual. Link to post Share on other sites
paris38 Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 he's seeing someone else and that would be it for me. I mean, you have a daughter with this man and he's seeing someone else? I don't see how he loves you, and most of all I don't understand how you would want to sleep with him when he has probably been sleeping with another woman. If it is possible to move out, that is what I advise you to do, and work out custody/child support arrangements seeking a lawyer. Seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
phyrespryte Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 No not really. Sounds like he's just a sloppy kind of guy. Wearing a scrunchy? I think guys hold onto things like that because they're not aware of it. And if he really wanted to be with you, he wouldn't be dating some other girl. Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 But surely still wearing things that belong to me must mean something? I'm not convinced he's not got feelings for me any more, aside from sexual. Sure -- it means he has feelings for you -- just not enough of them to actually respect you. You deserve feelings, respect, love, and commitment. Don't settle for less. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 But surely still wearing things that belong to me must mean something? I'm not convinced he's not got feelings for me any more, aside from sexual. I think deep down you know this relationship isn't worth hanging on to, yet you are scrambling for proofs that it is salvageable. You are perhaps hoping that these mixed messages he is sending you are all signs that one day he will wake up magically transformed into the man you deserve. Honey, the longer you hang on, the harder you try to save this relationship, the more you are telling him it is ok to treat you in this very disrespectful way. Let's start with a list of pros and cons: pros: he still wears your scrunchie cons: he saw somebody behind your back he slept with you then said it was a mistake. he wasn't even at the hospital when your daughter was born What advice would you give a friend who was in your situation? Surely you realize you deserve to be treated way better then this. Link to post Share on other sites
alasia Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 But surely still wearing things that belong to me must mean something? I'm not convinced he's not got feelings for me any more, aside from sexual. You're doing exactly what I was doing with my ex - over the past 5 weeks since we split up, I've had sex with him at least 6 times. He always said he doesn't do 'just sex' and that he wouldn't have been able to sleep with me if he didn't have 'some' feelings left for me. I've been taking every tiny bit of hope he was giving and deluding myself; I was convinced he must still feel strongly for me, because he cuddled up to me all night after we'd had sex and was nice to me in the morning, because once he stroked my arm when I was cuddling him in bed (last Tuesday; then yesterday he said he hates me and if I contact him again, he'll call the police; funny how suddenly feelings change isn't it?); I even made a thing of the fact he called me 'darling' and 'babe' a couple of times and that he still had the birthday card I'd given him on the 20th Jan. It was lying on top of his stereo, but then he'd also forgotten to throw away the cards from his family! They were by the sofa. I took all those things as signs he still cared, when really he was just caught up in the moment, or trying to keep warm in bed, still in the habit of calling me by those pet-names or just lazy/forgetful! (because he kept the cards) I'm not saying your ex definitely doesn't care, and no I don't think feelings disappear that quickly (even though they seemed to with my ex; for about a week, then he was saying "of course" he still had feelings for me and always would), but I'm saying don't get into the sex thing. Seriously; move on, go completely NC and if he cares about you enough, he'll fight to get you back. And by the time he does, you might have found someone better or realised you're happier on your own. I wish I'd taken people's advice weeks ago when they told me what I'm telling you, if I had me and my ex might be on good terms by now, instead of me being threatened with an injunction! Link to post Share on other sites
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