slowlygoingcrazy Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 Hi. I don't know what I should do. I have been dating my bf for 2 years and I love him and have been happy and content with him. He is amazing to me. Lately though, I have become attracted to a friend of mine. I think about him a lot and admitted to him that I am feeling this way. I now wish I wouldn't have told my friend I was having a hard time dealing with my attraction to him, but I did because I felt like I was going to explode. My friend has been great and has toned down the flirting and is trying to keep things more platonic, but my feelings towards him aren't going away. I have analyzed this a lot and I am still lost. I figured that if I was feeling attracted to another guy it must be because something is lacking in my relationship with my bf. I talked to my bf about what could be better between us and we have made a real effort to work on our relationship. He treats me good, we have a decent sex life, we are affectionate and best friends and have a lot in common. So why am I still feeling things for my friend? I never have kissed my friend or had sex with him, but emotionally I feel like I have cheated and have flirted more than I feel is acceptable. Here is a major problem: If my bf wanted me to stop hanging with my friend I don't know if I could. I care about him too much. If I set some strict boundaries regarding flirting with my friend I know he would respect them. He's been great and encouraging me to spice things up with my bf. And I have been making sure to keep things appropriate between my friend and I, so why am I still feeling attracted to him? Should I tell my bf what's going on? What should I do? I feel sick about it. I was hoping these feelings would pass, but I am scared they aren't going to. How can I have feelings for 2 people at the same time? I could see me being attracted to another guy if I was unhappy in my relationship, but I'm not. I'm so confused and mad at myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author slowlygoingcrazy Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 Things are getting worse. I'm getting in deeper and deeper. Maybe I should move out and be on my own for a while. I've barely ever been single. This will crush my bf and I might lose him forever, but I think he deserves more. I'd love to hear from someone about this. I feel really alone. Thanks for listening. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 I think a first step would be to imagine your bf in a similar position--that is, having feelings for a close female friend--and imagine what you would want him to do. Then take that and apply it to your own situation. Personally, I think the fair thing to do is either: 1. Stop seeing your friend. 2. Stop seeing your bf. Anything in between is likely to be pretty messy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author slowlygoingcrazy Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 Thanks for the advice. Nice and clear and straight to the point. Something I'm not so good at these days. My mind is a jumble of confusion. An update - had a talk with my friend and he said he doesn't have feelings for me beyond friendship. I can't believe what a fool I am. I misinterpreted everything and I know I got myself into this, but I am hurt my friend took advantage of the situation knowing I was feeling so torn. I can't believe I almost threw my life away for someone who doesn't even feel for me the way I feel about him. I have the most incredible man in my life and I almost threw it all away. I don't deserve him. He was so understanding when I told him what was going on. Why do I like to play with fire so much? Why do I have to sabbatoge everything good in my life? How do I quit wanting what I don't have and want what I already have? Thanks for listening. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Clearly you like to live on the edge. Maybe you should think how you would be feeling if your boyfriend was doing to you what you are doing to him. Imagine your boyfriend dumping you after continual bad behavior by you and finding someone who he will spend the rest of his life with and you ending up alone and looking stupid. This can be your future. It is your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Toni_no12002 Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 It sounds like lust to me.Lust can feel very powerful and can sometimes feel like you love the person when you dont.You have to think about it carefully Or you could lose both of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author slowlygoingcrazy Posted February 15, 2007 Author Share Posted February 15, 2007 Thanks everybody. It's funny. I know it's probably lust and I know my bf is probably the better guy for me and I want to get my feelings in check, but I still have these feelings. I wish I didn't like this other guy. It's hard for me to control my feelings, but I'm trying and hopefully this will pass. I am going to focus my energy on my relationship with my bf and find a way to fulfill in myself whatever is lacking so I can be the kind of gf he deserves. Link to post Share on other sites
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