strange Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 hi i'm new and here's my aweful life... help me! my life is down the drain right now... i feel like i've been rolled up and thrown away... no cares, in other words... sorry but this is long i hope you can stand it... and sorry for any misspellings... although there is spell check on this page, you have to download something and if its the wrong thing my brother will have my head... so deal with the misspellings... sorry... long history short... my parents divorced when i was 3 and i never even met my dad till my 10th grade year... i'm 20 now, 21 at the end of the month... my mom raised me, and i guess even when i was 5yrs old i knew i was gonna be a screw up when i got older if i stayed with her... i used to say let me live one month with mom, the next with dad... to be the "new kid on the block" but they said no... my mom threaten to send me to boarding school if my grades didn't improve i said, "where's the broshores?" I wanted to go to college, go on a forugien exchange program it was all no... the last two were mainly because if my brother(who's 5 yrs older) didn't want to or couldn't do it, then there was no way i will be able to... she let me know that full well... nowadays its been alittle over a year since i moved away from my home of 16yrs; me my mom and my brother moved across country... i don't have any friends really... i too quiet for my own good and i'm feel like i'm fully depressed because i know things will never change, my mom believe my brother will make a great living, make millions because he's so smart... and that i'll fight for every cent i make... mom wants me to wait until my brother starts his GRAND business and then she wants me to work for him(talk about EWWW!!) she paid for his college and he flunked out his first year, so i have to pay for my community college... never had a chance to look foward to a university, my mom talk me down until i just gave up... i wanted to go for music... become a singer, performer! mom said that i can try out for stuff but i can't go through with anything; its just experience to tell your students... NOW she wants me to be a teacher... well i gave up on music... and now i started writing alot(as you can tell i do) so i wanted to write books... some of my ideas are really good... and she agreed for a moment... read a chapter, told me it could be an awesome book... but then she wouldn't/ refused to read another chapter... i just don't understand it... but then again i'm the unwanted one... my mom said a couple of times she only wanted one child, but got two instead... my brother wished for a baby sister, but we don't really have a relationship other then living in the same house... i'm a wish he regrets... i want away.. but i've tried that once... left one night and because my mom cried and begged and said things would change i came back... nothing changed i was barely hugged when i came home... i was instead to blame for their money problems, because they bought me a plane ticket to come home... my dad lets me visit him nowadays... but he's controlling too... although i don't feel like he has a right, so i let him know more often... but i'm worried... i'm planning on moving up to live next door to my dad(its cheaper to pay rent to live else where then it is to live at home), and so far my mom said "OK".. but i scared she's gonna find everything in the book to keep me here last minute... and i'm worried that when i live next to my dad he's going to try and be that over bearing dad kids have when you're a teen and you just come home from a date... you know trying to scare guys away... but its might be my only chance to get away... i wish i could talk to someone that can help like a therapist or something... to help with my feelings and the like, but my mom thinks its dumb that i'm dumb because i think i need help with stuff, when i first told her i was getting depressed or something was wrong she went out and took me off her insurance! she raised us perfectly so we should have no problems... and so i have to do stuff on my own... one thing she never let me do before... one thing she doesn't want me to do... so now i have no idea what to do and i'm too scared to do alone... i'm at a lost... i am dead... i am hopeless... Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 Wow, you are really letting your parents control your life. You are 20 years old, you can do whatever you want, leave them and live your life the way you want it you only get one Remember they can only control you if YOU let them Link to post Share on other sites
Author strange Posted February 6, 2007 Author Share Posted February 6, 2007 like i said before i tried leaving but i couldn't stay away 'cause my mom was hurting so bad, crying and stuff... i just can't do that to her... and she knows it... ... i just wish i can get the courage to do something for myself... if not leave, then to get help... something i have to do alone and i'm not good at that... Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 Your mom is obviously just guilt tripping you into staying she was only 'hurting' because she'd be left with noone to use and abuse. Take a look at this : http://www.drjoecarver.com/loser.html Link to post Share on other sites
WilliR Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 "i have to do stuff on my own... one thing she never let me do before... one thing she doesn't want me to do... so now i have no idea what to do and i'm too scared to do alone.." Aw hun I feel for you. I was raised in a similar way, to believe that I was so awful I couldn't do anything on my own, then suddenly I'm expected to go out and be a huge success. When I look back on it, I realize just how lucky some kids are to have parents that are encouraging and give their kids practical useful advice along the way. Just give it a shot and believe in yourself - if other people in worse circumstances can survive, you can too. Once you do a few things on your own that turn out well, then you will realize that nothing is holding you back except your own fear. You might even try to find a mentor or older guide in the form of a relative or kindly boss who will be flattered that you are listening to them and take an interest in you and show you the ropes. Link to post Share on other sites
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