Something new...

[longlaffer]

How about this... always a new twist and turn in the road... I love, adore, respect and worship my husband to be... It was difficult to accept that, because he had been single for many, many years, he got used to masturbating. In fact he felt good about it rather than '"use" women. He has never been promiscuous or "immoral". The result of all the masturbation is that he cannot have an orgasm with intercourse alone. It must be his right hand at a speed that cannot be attained in intercourse... lol

 

Just when I adjusted to this issue, I find out that he is pretty into porn. ...well it helps him get off, you know... I should have known this... THIS information set me back as NOW, not only can he not reach orgasm with or because of me, but I know that, when I leave, he is spanking the monkey at his computer.

 

We have sex every time we are together, especially now that I know he is turning to the web. That would be about 5 times a week. I was so astonished by this information that I couldn't even think of sex for days as I was wondering what he was thinking in the heat of the moment...

 

So... as with most guys who are in this situation, he separates sex and love. Consequently, he makes sure that I am "satisfied" before we satisfy him. It seems all about the physical. That goes against the emotional graln of most women.

 

He has agreed to couples therapy and ultimately wants me to be happy. I think I can deal with this as I am just crazy about the human being he is. He is a delightful, intelligent man and I plan to make this work.

 

I will welcome any input... It may be interesting to you, to know that he is 40 and never married and I am 50, divorced many years... thanks.

[Mr. Lucky]

The result of all the masturbation is that he cannot have an orgasm with intercourse alone. It must be his right hand at a speed that cannot be attained in intercourse... lol

The obvious answer is for him to lay off porn and masturbation for 30 days or so as a first step towards re-conditioning his sexual response. This is not an unusual situation under the circumstances you describe as many men who are "rough" masturbators lose some sensitivity. Once he re-builds some unrequited desire, he will be able to orgasm under more conventional methods.

 

I'd also add that, if he resists making this small sacrifice, he is sending you a strong message. The ball(s) (sorry, couldn't resist ) is in his court...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Ladyjane14]

A visit with his urologist wouldn't come amiss either.

Even though you have noted a behavioral issue... better safe than sorry, right? I think it's important to rule out medical issues. ED is best treated when it's caught early.

 

 

Erectile dysfunction, commonly referred to as ED, is the inability to achieve and sustain an erection suitable for sexual intercourse.

http://www.webmd.com/content/article/57/66233.htm

[longlaffer]

Thanks Mr. Lucky... Not new information to me. I think he is willing to try... it is not an overnight process, for sure. I think the problem will be if he can succeed at "trying". I am pretty convinced that it is a habit, like a smoker. Though I don't want to talk about it often as it gets pretty emotional, I think I need to ask how he is doing with the "project".

 

For instance, he told me he wasn't tired last night and didn't go to sleep until 4am... I asked what he did... "housework, laundry... computer game..." YIKES! My reaction to "computer games" was not good. I hate to imagine, but want to trust his efforts. Ultimately, I resist asking if he resisted the porn...

 

I will not check his history...once was too much... and I NEVER expected porn... I somehow think that counseling will give us an outlet to talk about it regularly.

 

You are correct that he should be willing to try for a 30 day abstinence.

 

As for Lady Jane... ED is not the main issue, intermittent but probably caused by the masturbation and porn, from what I can learn in my research.

Thanks for your input.