frannie Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Here's the thing SC, the OW don't want to hear that what they are doing is wrong or that they are part of something that will hurt others. They want us to tell them how horrible the MM is for treating them so badly and concentrate on the pain that the OW is feeling. They want us to tell them that everything will be fine and that they are really not bad people. They want us to agree with their theory that you can't help who you fall in love with and that they are really victims. In other words, they want to continue to live in a fantasy world. When we show up and are in their face as proof of how affairs destroy lives, they go into ignore mode. Oh well, it's their life and if they want to ignore the pain that affairs cause others and continue the deceit, what's a BS to do? This one doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Lezbean Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 I like how they whine and cry that we are being mean to them when we point out what they are doing is painful and wrong. Then have the audacity to get upset that most of the poster do not condone what they are doing. Brilliant! Lizzy Link to post Share on other sites
Author addicted2love Posted February 7, 2007 Author Share Posted February 7, 2007 The original intent of this post which was directed at OM/OW is once again turned into a debate of right and wrong. If I wanted to debate right and wrong I'd start a thread that says.... Let's get ready to rummbuuuuuuuuuullllllll!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author addicted2love Posted February 7, 2007 Author Share Posted February 7, 2007 This one doesn't. What do you mean Frannie? Link to post Share on other sites
TheDiva Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 You are more trusting than I. That "great love" is hard to maintain in a LTR. I wouldn't say once a cheat always a cheat, but if the reasons for A's aren't addressed the likelyhood is greatly enhanced to do it again. I personally would be skeptical at best if my past bf's suddenly contacted me that way. It's been X amount of years. Do you even know who I am today???? Besides it seems kinda pointless if you aren't even going to get a D. Not the forum for that but all I have to say is I don't think you're doing your kids a favor staying a marriage you don't want. Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 The original intent of this post which was directed at OM/OW is once again turned into a debate of right and wrong. If I wanted to debate right and wrong I'd start a thread that says.... Let's get ready to rummbuuuuuuuuuullllllll!!! Why? You gonna rumble and try to justify that the betrayal that you are dishing out is just, right, and noble? Link to post Share on other sites
Author addicted2love Posted February 7, 2007 Author Share Posted February 7, 2007 Why? You gonna rumble and try to justify that the betrayal that you are dishing out is just, right, and noble? SC I would like you to read back through all of my posts and quote me saying anything about being right and noble....I never said I feel like I am doing the right thing. I fight myself daily about that....I'm simply trying to get some answers from other people who have been in my situation. I am not here to debate right or wrong. My view of right and wrong got really distorted years ago along with my view of traditional marriage. I've already explained to you the reason for that. Good for you that you can hang onto that traditional belief system...and I am not being sarcastic when I say that. I wish I had your strength! I might gain some wisdom and strength from you if you'd put down your "dukes" for a minute and attempt to cut me some slack. Maybe offer something constructive that isn't fueled by hate and contempt. Link to post Share on other sites
vanilla chai Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 HN very true...however it just makes my blood boil to be judged so viciously by a complete stranger. I believe I read another post where SC stated they have never been a BS or OW/OM. If this person has never been in the situation in any way shape or form what is the point of posting here? The only reason I can see is to purposely try to hurt others. What a waste of time..IMO. On the same token your asking complete strangers for advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author addicted2love Posted February 7, 2007 Author Share Posted February 7, 2007 On the same token your asking complete strangers for advice. complete strangers that are on a forum called THE OTHER MAN/WOMAN I am not on the INFIDELITY forum bashing BS's (oh I know the are all innocent as I was when I was one myself) but I don't go in there and pour salt in thier wounds. I don't twist the knife but many of them sure have no problem kicking an om/ow when they are down. We ARE NOT the person who hurt them. Link to post Share on other sites
vanilla chai Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 complete strangers that are on a forum called THE OTHER MAN/WOMAN I am not on the INFIDELITY forum bashing BS's (oh I know the are all innocent as I was when I was one myself) but I don't go in there and pour salt in thier wounds. I don't twist the knife but many of them sure have no problem kicking an om/ow when they are down. We ARE NOT the person who hurt them. I bet some of you ow would love to go on over to the bs board and justify your affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Babybird Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Regardless of whether or not either spouse has an A if there is a divorce someone or everyone is going to be hurt. Children, not adult children, have no reason to be informed about the A. I don't need to justify my affair to anyone. It's your opinion that I'm doing something wrong. Not mine. Like I have said time and time again: I'm not breaking vows; he is. Same with all of the other (single)OP. As far as the religious moral aspect goes: I'm an atheist. SC: If you're so damned unhappy why do you stay married? IF the OW, or in your case the OM, wrecks lives then why are you still married? Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Good for you that you can hang onto that traditional belief system...and I am not being sarcastic when I say that. I wish I had your strength! I might gain some wisdom and strength from you if you'd put down your "dukes" for a minute and attempt to cut me some slack. Ok then........... Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 It's your opinion that I'm doing something wrong. Not mine. IF and when you are ever in a committed relationship and your partner cheats on you, I would hope you still feel that affairs aren't wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author addicted2love Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 IF and when you are ever in a committed relationship and your partner cheats on you, I would hope you still feel that affairs aren't wrong. I don't remember any one here saying that affairs aren't wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
sunmoon Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 i am an OW. One thing i will say is that I notice some of the women on this site have been with their MM for years....no way ladies. Wrong. In April it will be a year for me and if nothing changes,,,bye bye... My MM calls me like 5 times a day I see him like 2 to 3 days a week...he has 2 children-a bad marriage etc etc,,,u know the gist...we love each other, he is my perfect match...although sounds redundant, its true...anyway ultimatums do work, they give u an answer, an answer that maybe some of us do not wanna face.....mine tells me that it's coming soon ,he'll tell her "this has to end" ,,,but i need proof, and frankly as much as I love him, I'd rather stop sooner then later...(feels like when I quit smoking)....time frames are good as long as u don't tell the MM...keep it to yourself, the more you force it, the less chance of it happening./...when u give an ultimatum u are kinda forcing it, BUT it can really go both ways, so everyone is different. bottom line is he either leaves her or he doesn't. As far as SC, i think u need to have a long talk with your wife cause u have alot of anger. Truth sure, we all know it's wrong, we don't need you to beat it into our skulls...talk to your wife about your anger or a shrink. But don't do it here. It gets boring. Link to post Share on other sites
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 I like how they whine and cry that we are being mean to them when we point out what they are doing is painful and wrong. Then have the audacity to get upset that most of the poster do not condone what they are doing. Brilliant! Lizzy Lol, thank god we have a site where OW can go to get told what they are doing is painful and wrong. Whatever would we do without it? Thanks Lezbean! I don't come here to have my actions condoned. I come here for feedback, perspectives and to listen to other situations. Many BS are never going to understand the position of an OW. Some do try to gain a perspective. Other simply want to judge as if we are the OW that became involved in their M and they judge us by the the standards of their OW in their situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 I don't remember any one here saying that affairs aren't wrong. Babybird did and I quote: "I don't need to justify my affair to anyone. It's your opinion that I'm doing something wrong. Not mine." Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 As far as SC, i think u need to have a long talk with your wife cause u have alot of anger. Truth sure, we all know it's wrong, we don't need you to beat it into our skulls...talk to your wife about your anger or a shrink. But don't do it here. It gets boring. Then ignore it. Link to post Share on other sites
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